Finding A Good Thai Wife
After reading a recent story, from a “nice guy” who felt that not getting the sex he negotiated for somehow made him a nice guy finishing last, I decided it was time to stop reading stories and to tell my story.
About me:
I was another 47 year old white male, that had been married two times in the past. I was a nice guy who tended to rescue ladies who changed once you saved them. It became ‘what can you do for me now”. I had considered finding a Filipina wife as my brother had been with his for many years. She however told me not to seek a Filipina wife as most were money hungry. She was the one who recommended a Thai wife to me.
Seeking a wife:
I began reading every web site I could find on Thailand and looking at several web dating sites. I found Stickman’s and read stories dating back for many years. I listed out all the things to watch for in seeking a Thai wife. Much of my time on the dating site was checking out all the ladies. It took me three months to finally decide to pay the fee to be able to actually send a letter of introduction to a lady. I did not want to monger and wanted to spend my time on one lady.
Heart of Asia:
At the time, I settle on Heart of Asia. (about $30.00) I found one lady that met my interest, I did not want someone to much younger then me, I wanted someone within my decade. The lady I picked presented a very simple photo of herself, not like many that were selling themselves with “sex available” photos. The lady had three children and spoke little to no English. This part concerned me, the children did not. I was also interested as I could see by her number and contacts that she had been on the web site for one year and had no contacts. Less completion and not a person playing the numbers game.
First Contact:
I sent my first letter of introduction and waited for a reply. It did not come for two weeks. In the email it said that her friend (owner of her rental) had placed the ad for her over a year ago and no one had responded so she was surprised by my letter. She told me up front that her friend would have to translate emails and that she lives in the Yala area of Thailand which created computer access issues for her (research showed Muslin terrorist area). She told me her friend signed her up for Heart of Asia as she had devoted her life to her children and that it was time for her to seek happiness for herself.
About her
I found that she was from Sakon Nakon up to the north, but that she had to leave home at age 12-13 to go to work in a small sweat shop over the market place. She then moved to Yala to take care of her older sister's children. She was one of 10 children, 8 girls and thus left school after grade six. Her Thai husband had left her after three children to marry a Chinese Thai lady that his mother picked out for him, as she was not considered good enough for the mother. That he had wanted her to remain a mia noi but she refused. She told me he was a good father, gave money for the children, but was a bad husband, as he had left for a new wife and for her there was no coming back. For her it was that simple. She presented herself as very old fashioned Thai.
On Line dating
We sent emails for 8 months. Her emails were slow in coming due to the three way sending of emails. Doing a few small test, I talked a little about her finances. She told me that she took orders for food, then cooked them at home and delivered them. The children’s father helped with the children’s school costs and school for them was of utmost importance. During this she never asked for money.
We discussed her taking English classes. But she told me it was not possible for her in part due to the teacher at the school's reluctance to be out because of the threats. She could have asked for money, as I offered to pay for the class.
Meeting in person
After eight months, I decide to spend three weeks in Thailand and to meet this lady. I sent about $100 for her friend to find me a hotel in Bangkok and another $100 for her to take the train to meet me in Bangkok. I did not tell a lot of people where I was going as it was the same as others I have read said. Men smile and think you are heading to have cheap sex and they wish they could go. Ladies think you are a lecher and sick.
When I met her at the airport, I was relieved and yet concerned. I found her so much more beautiful then her photo, from what I have read it is usually the other way around. She looked 20 years younger then her ad said she was. I worried as to what would she think of me. She told me later that she had put a simple photo on the web as she did not want to look like she was selling herself.
She was very conservative and walked me to her friend's car. She took my gifts simply which I expected after reading up on the culture of gifts. I found her sneaking peeks at me and smiling. They then drove me to my hotel.
My first three weeks in Thailand
The drive to the hotel was a long way from the main BKK area. At the hotel, they helped check me in to my room. The hotel was like a Holiday Inn resort and cost less than $12.00 per night, the owner of the restaurant an older Catholic Thai lady spoke very good English and became a very good friend and my supporter. My lady's friend also gave me back my change from the $100 I had sent to reserve the hotel.
For the first week, we were escorted by her friend or family to every temple in the area. Some trips took ½ a day to arrive and we would walk and she would pray at each temple. I enjoyed seeing the sights and her friend told me that she was seeking at the temple if I would be a good person for her. I think she was checking my behavior out as much as I was hers. She was being very careful. She also sat and spoke to the monks about me.
It was about four days before she began to touch my hand and give me little loving caresses when in the car and out of the public sight. She did many little things for me to show me attention. She would buy all types of little foods and fruits for me to take back to the hotel room. Our trips out were very inexpensive, many entries were free for them and small amounts for me. Most meals for the four of us were less then $10.00 and that was only one per day. I did pay for gas when we stopped, but she provided the driver and car.
At the hotel, my friend spoke with my future wife and translated many things for me. I met other Thai/English couple who also spoke with my lady. They all told me that my lady was a very old fashioned Thai lady and very simple in her wants and needs.
After two weeks we were speaking using simple words and a translation device. It was slow but added more words to our conversations. Plus each day we stopped at the hotel and my friend would translate and answer question for us.
Sex/test drive
I read in many articles people talking about wanting to find a “good Thai wife” as they are tied of the American wives. What I found with American wives is that they were quick to bed you and rap their legs around you. Once you are married it stops and it became a control tool for control. So I shake my head when people say that they need to test drive or sample before they get married, yet they are only going to be in the county for a few weeks. If she gives you sex during that time, she is most likely not a ‘good Thai wife”.
My lady after 2 weeks came to visit me at my hotel and spend the day with me there. Her friend had to tend to her day job delivering cosmetic product to businesses and could not sneak away to drive us places. You could see she was concerned at leaving me in the hotel room alone with her. Her friend had told me before that I could have no sex before marriage, but after marriage she would be all mine.
In the room, she sat on the couch and kept a pillow in her lap. We watched TV, talked and had lunch in the room. She would cuddle next to me and seemed contented in being close. We never kissed this whole trip, but she gave me many of the little sniff kisses that drive you nuts. Our lips would be breathes away but not touch. This closeness was refreshing from jumping in the sack.
The next day she was very late getting to the hotel. Her friend told me that they had been up talking about our day until 3 am. I was confused as we did nothing. I found that they spoke much about the fact that I used self restraint in not forcing myself on her and not trying to take things more then she wanted at that time.
Returning home
I returned home unsure what would be next. I had found none of the traps I see on the web. I had not bought any gold on the trip. The buffalo had not died. Her mother and father were healthy. She did not have any tattoos and in fact was upset with my tiger tattoo. She did not try to use sex to latch on to me.
When I returned she asked if I thought I would return. She later told me that they felt 50/50 I would not return, that many men only come to Thailand for the sex.
Jumping ahead
We married some time later in Thailand. She did not ask me for a sin sot, as she had a prior Thai husband and children. When I took her to buy her wedding ring she picked a more American style and not the Thai baht gold that can be resold. The wedding cost were very reasonable. I did present three gold items to her and cash to her father, in all about 100,000 baht. I told her that I felt that even if a dowry was not called for, that I wanted to show to her and her father that I felt that she was worth it to me. This went over well.
When we eat out large dinners with the whole family, I pay about 50% of the time. Many times other relatives refuse to let me pay.
Here and now
Another year and the wife and kids all came to the US, they have their ten year cards and have been in the US for three years. The wife has been all that she could be. As for sex, she had lived up to the once you are married she is all yours. She is shy about me seeing her naked in the light as she fears she is not perfect. But It is hard to see that she had any let alone three children. By treating her with love she is more then willing to hold me tight whenever I desire. But I do not treat her like I am a rutting hog and she is a piece of meat.
Since her arrival in the US, she has become extremely cuddly and shows affection to me considerably in public. We laugh about when back in Thailand we must be more conservative. With her 5’1 and 99 pounds she fits in my lap for watching TV which she will do for hours until my legs fall asleep. I find her rapped around me many times when I wake up and she makes getting up to go to work almost impossible and it is good I don’t punch a time clock.
She studies hard on her English and we have not used the translator for over 1 ½ years, She used a phonic program and has her own study books. She treats me like a king in my home and calls me when I am late coming home for lunch. She has her permit and we are working on the license.
On money, I give her a budget for food and she handles it well. She has never asked me for money for her family. Last Xmas her sole present was that I gave her a commitment to send 3000 baht to her mother each month as I knew this would make her happy. When I had opened this discussion before, she told me it was “her” duty to send money to mother and father, not mine. So she was very happy when I made the offer. When 6 month later I offered to send a higher amount, she said no, as she feared that the family would begin to expect too much.
Her daughters have been A students in the US. The oldest is now looking at a doctor of pharmacy degree and her constant studying makes this a good fit. They have never been an issue and have treated me with respect. They do hit me up when I walk in for help with their homework.
Returning home
My wife has not asked to go home. She knows that I know what she wants and needs and that if I can I will provide it for her. I have found by offering things it saves her from having to play games and shows that I consider her feelings in my daily thoughts. This year was a good tax year, so I bought her a ticket home. I am writing this as she is on the train to Yala.
Her oldest daughter is cooking for me. She even made a menu of food that she likes to cook ( she is a excellent cook like her mother ) . When I walk in she want to know when I want to eat. Like her mother a comment about the food or a thank you brings a big smile. Boy they love to feed you.
Ending
I have not bought a house in Thailand, we discussed retiring, and the wife told me not to buy until we are ready to live in Thailand. She did not want to leave a house there while we are here.
I stropped waiting for the shoe to drop and think I may have found a true “good Thai wife” lucky, smart I do not know. But I can tell you for now I am very happy with the last four years and have only seen things between us grow . We now lay in bed at night and talk for hours.
To others seeking
For those still looking, remember what you bring to the table makes a lot of difference in what you find. I see so many who after being burned by American girls take the high road in Thailand. It seems they present the my way or the highway. They have conditions and expectations. That attitude only means you will find the girl of your dreams, but the dream will turn into a nightmare.
What lady would answer the add
: Wanted hot, sexy Thai lady, half my age, must be willing to serve my sexual demands, must be willing to be test driven to assure you can satisfy my needs. Me tight wad, twice her age, but I look good for my age ( which means you are balding, overweight and kidding yourself) a rutting pig that needs all the sex my x denied me. But hey I am a nice guy.
With this being the unwritten add of many, you can see where her concern with how much money you can provide her is really her desire. A ‘good Thai lady” would run from a add like this or from someone who presented themselves in this manner. A company trying to help a person with this type of demand and as in a prior letter, he explained the requirement that the lady provide a test ride so they can get to know each other would raise flags to me. I have seen sights that this type of demand would get you blocked.
My story continues, but if you want a good Thai wife, you will need to be a good person first.
Stickman's thoughts:
Chronically busy at present hence no comments. Sorry.
