Readers' Submissions

An Open Letter To The Eminent Professor

  • Written by Union Hill
  • January 4th, 2010
  • 10 min read


My Dear Professor,

Although I do not fit your exact description of a serious monger, I believe I have earned the right to be regarded as a candidate for such. What are my qualifications / deviations? Well, I do not visit Thailand a couple of times year, I actually live here. I certainly do not play Tiddly Winks but I can jaw about the state of the Thai or US economy. I can also jaw about the English economy but why you should explicitly isolate the English economy from the British economy is a qualification lost on me. I don’t get anxious about very much, including deadly diseases. We’re all going to die of something after all. And I don’t have a definitive answer but I have an opinion or two concerning your question “What do mongers want?”

Before I get to talking about me and what I want from my mongering ways, I would like to describe a recent golfing / mongering break I took with a bunch of like-minded friends last November. I bring this up because as a side issue, this tour taught me quite a lot about what I and my fellow mongers want and expect from our deviate ways.

Mongers, one and all we set off for five days of golf and frivolity in and around that Mecca of mongertainment, The Sin City of Pattaya. It’s an annual thing. Some personal details will help the reader to visualise our group but maybe not our MO.

Our party:-

Jack. (British)
Age : 63
Profession : Procurement Manager (Engineering & Construction)
Residence : Indonesia

Mike (Australian)
Age : 61
Profession : Managing Director (Freight Forwarding)
Residence : Thailand

Matt. (Australian)
Age : 53
Profession : Sales Director (Industrial Clothing)
Residence : Australia

Me. (British)
Age : 50
Profession : Export Sales Manager (Engineering)
Residence : Thailand

Lester (Australian)
Age : 42
Profession : Managing Director (Freight Forwarding)
Residence : Singapore

Are we recognizable as typical mongers collectively or individually? Is there any such thing as a typical monger? Are we unusual in any way? Would we be identifiable as mongers in our civvies? Could we ever be mistaken for a bunch of serious businessmen who had simply taken a wrong turn and got lost? Here is some more information.

Jack endured thirty two years of marriage to a British woman and is now divorced. His ex wife lives in Liverpool and he has no contact with her. He has a grown up family and has limited contact with one of his daughters. When out mongering, Jack knows what he wants. When he sees something he likes he moves right on in. He will barfine the same lady on consecutive nights if she measures up to his expectations. He will also take ladies two at a time when he’s in the mood and plays bedroom games with them involving ice-cream and yoghurt. Jack has no desire to keep any of these girls. He picks them up and puts them down again. In my opinion, Jack is a making up for all those wasted years of faithful marriage. I don’t believe he is looking for anything other than slightly kinky sex, as often as he feels like it. I believe he is getting what he wants.

Mike is ten years into his third marriage. His first wife was Australian and they had three boys. He stays in regular contact with all of them. The eldest is now in his mid thirties. His second wife was Thai but she died of cancer about twelve years ago. His current wife is also Thai. She has just turned fifty. She has two daughters and two grandchildren. Mike looks after her and her extended family even employing his wife’s uneducated younger brother. He wouldn’t work otherwise. Mike likes things steady and familiar. He has two regular girl friends living near Pattaya and apart from the occasional visit to a BJ bar he sticks pretty much to just them. I was quite impressed with how he managed to juggle them during the tour. No accidental crossing of paths, no dramas, no girl fights thanks to efficient forward planning and Mike’s admirable ability of being able to make a plan and stick to it. Has Mike got what he wants? I guess so.

Matt is still married to his first and only wife. She is Australian and they have two daughters, both now in their twenties. Matt however believes in playing away and has done so for pretty much all of his married life. He is a regular visitor to Thailand. His long suffering wife is a rare example of a farang woman prepared to put up with his philandering ways on the principle of what the eye doesn’t see etc… Matt has spent considerable amounts of money on his many girlfriends both foreign and domestic. Indeed, he has been sponsoring a Thai lady for quite some time. She has a very comfortable apartment and affluent lifestyle in Bangkok for which Matt picks up the tab. Physically, Matt is a good looking fellow of Scandinavian origin, a former rugby player and still in remarkably good shape. When mongering, his choice of women always surprises me. Invariably they are short, mousey little things. Quite a contrast to this lion of a man but nearly always are they bubbly, bouncy, good fun type of girls. Matt has a penchant for bedroom toys and carries them around with him whenever he is on tour. Some are battery operated some not but I must confess, I would not know what to do with most of them. It seems to me that Matt is more interested in giving than receiving when it comes to what he wants from his mongering. Giving money, giving pleasure seems to do it for him. He seems to need very little in return.

We’ll come back to Me.

Lester is separated from his Australian wife and will soon be divorced. They have no children but the divorce is going to be a financial disaster for Lester. He is bracing himself for the inevitable devastation under Australian law and is fully expecting to be financially castrated by the process. Lester now lives in Singapore. A couple of Philippina bar hostesses share his apartment. For Lester the golf tour was all about getting as much sex as possible. He’s not sure when he will be able to afford it again. Another genuinely handsome fellow, Lester stands a powerful 6’ 2” and can drive a golf ball 300 yards. He is blond and sings a fairly decent song too. All of this made him the most popular member of our tour group on Walking Street. Some of the best looking girls in Pattaya were forming queues to hold his hand. Well, I think that’s what they wanted to hold. Lester tried his best to not send any of them away disappointed. Lester was certainly not looking for a love affair but he was also willing to return to the same girl when he found someone he liked. On balance, I’m pretty sure that Lester only wanted as much sex as he could muster. However I did get the feeling that if he had met anyone who seriously blew his hair back, he would have been tempted to keep her.

That leaves Me. My wife is 49 years old and Thai. We have been married for fifteen years. We have no children. I have a daughter from a previous marriage who is now 21 and lives in the UK. I am in regular contact with my daughter but we do not see each other very often.

So what do I want? On tour in Pattaya I paid four barfines. Only one provided the GHF that the professor described. Two were average performers and I sent one on her way before we even reached the hotel. It all seemed like a good idea in the bar but as soon as we stepped outside I felt her attitude change for the worse. Experience told me that these things are unlikely to improve so I sent her on her way and went for a drink instead.

Many of the girls in Cowboy and Soi 4 use my name when they see me walk by. I don’t always remember theirs but I always give a cheery response. I still find the best looking ones quite irresistible.

Mostly I have sex with bar girls because I want to and because I can. My point is that when I lived in Farangland, I saw women all the time that I fancied. Maybe on the train or at the bank or in the pub. And even though I was a presentable and financially stable twenty something, these women were simply not available to me. That’s no life. These days, if I see a bargirl I like the look of, I pay the barfine and off we go. More often than not the girls turn out to be not quite as good as they looked in the bar but the money is paid and we go our separate ways. Occasionally however, something happens that takes me by surprise.

I met Am in a Cowboy go-go bar some time ago. I barfined her quite regularly and we would go out to other venues and of course we would sleep together. She is a fine looking woman and was good fun to be with. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. One night while out at Mojo’s with my mate Terry and his regular Long Gun girl, Terry said something to me like, “You do know that that girl really likes you don’t you?” referring to Am. I looked at Am and she blushed large. Later in the privacy of the hotel room I asked Am how things were between us. She laughed and said, “You’re my customer”.

The next morning I woke up first and Am was snuggled up against me. Her very long hair practically covered both of us and those spectacular 36Cs were nestled against my chest. I remember relishing those moments. When Am woke up she gave a little sigh, squeezed me gently and then, as if realizing what she was doing sat up and playfully pushed me away. I gave her a peck on the cheek and she blushed again before padding off to the bathroom. I could not take my eyes off her..

Things between us gradually changed. I would buy her duty free cosmetics when I went away on business. Not the cheap stuff but the seriously branded lipstick and nail varnish and other little trinkets. She loved it and I also started to sleep at her place, sometimes a couple of times a week. The strangest thing was that Am was not very good at sex. She was what I call a lazy lover so it was not sex that kept me coming back to this girl.

Eventually, we lost touch. She moved to a new bar and although I made a half hearted attempt to find her again, I did not try too hard. This relationship had the potential to wreck my life and I knew it. I let her go.

Enter Sa. Sa is a hostess in a Nana Plaza bar. Thirty four years old and another pretty woman from Chiang Mai. Sa wants me for sex, plain and simple. She says I’ve got a sexy back. (Yeah I know, I don’t understand either). She takes me back to her place and she rides me like a National Hunt jockey. She provides mind blowing sex and my only duty is to stand to attention until she’s finished. After peaking, usually very loudly she rolls off and goes to sleep. No intimate contact is sought or given. She makes me feel so used. Now that’s what I want.

Before I finish, I just wanted to address one more thing and it concerns the Stickman’s comment below :-

“It will be interesting to see what the responses are. My feeling is that despite their bravado – and perhaps even betraying the words you get – a lot of so-called and even proud mongers could be described as lonely men, guys whose lives in the West are pretty damned dull. I am convinced that many men who spend much of their lives in the bars are lonely”

Boo-hoo I feel so worthless. You know me so well!

Union Hill

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

What I find interesting here is that you say that you spend the night with some of these girls. What does the Mrs. make of that? Nope, I am not being critical here but genuinely curious. Khun Hill, the readership wants to know you manage that! Does the wife know? Does she care? Curious minds are wondering…