Readers' Submissions

My Darling Dilemma

  • Written by Andrew
  • December 21st, 2009
  • 9 min read



I'd like to share my story about love and a Thai girl. I've read so many accounts from others about bar / normal / good / bad / traditional / etc, but it still only gives me glimpses into the confusion I feel for a girl I met a year ago. I’ll apologize up front for my to-the-point writing style, I’m not much for literary elaboration. Well, I will call her Lek for the sake of this story.

I met Lek when I was working on a project for my American parent company. I went to Thailand for a week and I thought she was hot when I started working there. I didn't know much of anything about Thailand, but I did not expect any office romances. We talked briefly…nothing much, but by Thursday she invited me to dinner on the beach. I hadn't learned names very well yet, so I stupidly declined her offer when she sent the email (I thought the email was from one of the guys in the office haha). Well, the next day she asked me to lunch. I accepted and a group of people all went out. We had a nice time and I learned she was TU-educated and very charming. Since she had said she knew BKK I decided to take a risk and ask her to meet me for dinner that evening. She surprisingly accepted and we made a date for 9 at my hotel.

Of course she arrived looking smoking hot and we had a great night together. After a night at the club and drinks until 3, I asked if she’d like to stay over when we got back to the hotel. She was semi-reluctant, but decided it was ‘best not to drive’. We went upstairs, both showered, and I tried to gauge the situation. She seemed nervous and said she wanted to sleep, so I tried to be the gentleman that a US Southerner is supposed to be and nothing happened. Sure, I questioned why the hell she stayed, but I just went to sleep. Next morning was pillow talk and nothing else. I was pretty confused. Then another great day spent together, another night of ‘do you want to stay?’ and she agreed easily. Again this time she was shy once we got in bed and I still didn’t push it (I know…I know…). I had to travel to Seoul the next morning and I was pissed that I had to leave already and I basically had found a super hot, nice girl to snuggle with me in Thailand. I knew I was too much of a nice guy…

As I was getting ready to leave I decided that I really could find a way to stay if she wanted. I called and made some plans, but she insisted that I go. She thought she’d be the office slut if I stayed I guess. I asked again, but she said I should go. She took me to the airport, we had coffee and more wonderful conversation. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was totally into me and we had a great thing going, but her ways of showing affection were so different than I had ever known. I said goodbye at the gate and she gave me a small wave and said ‘bye’. Seriously, that was it. It was like this all weekend with the mixed signals and I was completely perplexed by this girl, but at the same time 100% hooked.

I went to Korea and when I got there I knew I had to go back to her. There was no way I could pass this up and hang out in such a boring place like Seoul after experiencing BKK and Lek. I HAD to go back. I slept for a few hours, called my boss, and went back to the airport and found a flight that left a few hours later. I sent Lek an email and said I was coming back and I was off.

Things seemed fine at work. She was a little standoffish, but I expected that at work and I did not try to be overly friendly. I know she has to maintain her respectability. I met her that evening only because I knew where she would be and she totally ignored me. I asked her to go out and she said no. I was pissed. I went to a bar for a bit and then back to my hotel. At the front desk was a note that had been left for me…’I’m sorry about tonight. I miss you so much. I’ll talk to you soon’. Once again, totally confused. We talked on the phone that night for several hours, but she never came over.

Next day was much the same. She brought me coffee in the morning, but no real interaction. She didn’t come over to the hotel and we only talked on the phone. At this point one of the guys had figured out something about me and Lek. I was warned that she had a Thai boyfriend. I wanted to ignore it, but it started to make things a little clearer. I had heard the word ‘gik’ thrown around in conversation and I started to understand a little more.

Well, the next day she decided that we could go out. She took me to a club and out with her friends. It was a nice time and on the ride home I approached her about the boyfriend. At first she denied it, but eventually she said we need to talk. At the hotel we talked a bit and I honestly didn’t really care to hear about it. She decided to stay the night and that was fine with me. She was playing games again and I said I had enough. ‘I came back from Korea to be with you’, I said, ‘so I am at least going to kiss you’. I did and it was like the flood gates opened. Clothes off and no shyness AT ALL. I was wondering what the hell just happened. I won’t go into details, but it was f’ing amazing (pun intended).

I didn’t see her the next day and then we plan for the weekend in BKK on Friday. We had a wonderful weekend together. She ALMOST treated me like a boyfriend. Haha. She stayed with me Friday and Saturday (not shy this time), but on my last night the real boyfriend apparently got suspicious. After a two hour crying and screaming conversation on the phone with this mysterious Thai boyfriend, I was informed that I needed to leave the coffee shop and she could not stay with me. A taxi was called and I got that same brief wave, a smile, and ‘goodbye’. That was it. The last I saw her. I could not believe that was how our last time before I left Thailand would be. I was, at this point, totally falling for her, but I still had no idea what was going on. I was really a mess. Anyhow, I went back the US and decided I had to get back to Thailand. I was obsessed with making plans to get back. I talked to Lek every day on chat and even though it was great talking with her and she told me she loved me, I still really had no idea what would happen if I went back. Time went on and my life was just not conducive to moving away and I had to give up the dream. We started talking less frequently, but she said that she had broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to be with me. There was nothing I could do though.

A year has passed now and I find myself ready to return to Thailand for another work project. I will be there in a week or so and, after telling Lek, she has said that she will meet me at the airport and spend the weekend with me. She is also back with her boyfriend, so she doesn’t think she can do much more than the weekend. I really don’t know what to make of it all. I care a lot for her and I think she does for me. I know the relationship cannot be, but I have to wonder if she is just a typical Thai girl or what? Is this cultural or just her personal way of interacting? What does she want? It’s not sex, it’s not money…she just seems to want a nice guy to hang out with. Her English, after supposedly not using it for many months, is as good as ever. She says I’m the only gik...she says ‘many guys want to be with me, but I only want to be with you’. In the end it doesn’t matter, but the part of me that has fallen in love with her does care. Perhaps I’ve read too many stories on too many BKK websites and I’ve fallen into what seems to be a common trap for farangs wherein they start to assume all Thai girls are bar girls. I want to trust her, but I don’t know why. I want to love her, but I know I can’t (and shouldn’t). I have mixed feelings about seeing her again. I don’t want to ruin what I have now in the US, but at the same time, I don’t know how I can pass on an opportunity to see her again. I know I have to see her….

If you made it through all of this, thanks. For those of you more experienced in the ways of Thai love…any thoughts?

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

She said she loved you? She hardly knows you! This girl sounds a bit messed up to me. I am sure she is very nice, attractive and speaks good English but she obviously is not the faithful type and she seems a bit scatty. I would urge caution with someone like this and not think of her as relationship material at all. Treat her as a gik because that is how she is treating you. Give her a good blast every night – and every morning – and when you go back to America erase her from your mind. She's a fuck buddy and not girlfriend material.