Love Shack

“If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says

15 miles to the… Love Shack! Love Shack yeah

I'm headin' down the highway, lookin' for the love getaway

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together

Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.

Love shack, baby, love shack Love shack, baby, love shack

Love baby, that's where it's at, Ooo love baby, that's where it's at

Sign says.. Woo… stay away fools, 'cause love rules at the Love

Shack! Well its set way back in the middle of a field, Just a funky

old shack and I gotta get back”

The B52’s

Ah it’s spring! The winter snows have melted away and the air is redolent with the sweet fragrance of daffodils, crocuses, and hyacinths…or not! Definitely not in point of fact. What the hell am I thinking of. That would be springtime back in Farangland. There is no gentle spring here in Thailand. The calendar may say it’s April, but here in The Land of Smiles it is hot as hell…and getting hotter. I suppose that’s only appropriate, since what I wanted to talk about today is a hot and sweaty activity.

Tennyson said that “In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” After a long and cold winter, spring has never failed to bring me a healthy appreciation of the delightful difference between the sexes. How could it be otherwise, when lovely young ladies have shed their warm (and concealing) garb, and bare limbs can once more be seen (and thoroughly appreciated) by men of all ages?

Fortunately, here in LOS, even good girls routinely run around all year long in some fairly skimpy outfits. It’s not surprising then that for men here, “love is in the air” 365 days a year. That’s not to say that women, young and old are not equally up for “fooling around”. No, the ladies, as has been pointed out by many Stickman contributors, are just as horny as the guys. The burning question of the day is, where are all these carnal assignations taking place?

Are there Thai equivalents of lovers lane? Possibly, but since so many Thais do not own a car, especially teenagers, the old standby of “the back seat” is not always an option. There certainly are not many wooded areas in which to “pitch some woo”. As to simply laying down a blanket in a grassy field; I think the lack of privacy, not to mention the insect life would be a deterrent. So forget a romp behind a clump of coconut trees.

What is needed then is an easily accessible, comfortable and above all else, discrete place for a rendezvous. Leave it to those enterprising Thais to come up with the perfect solution: the Love Hotel! I should actually say the Love Motel,
because the fine type of establishment I’m referring to is accessed by driving your car into one of a series of individual garage bays. Upon entering, an employee draws a thick curtain around the entrance so that you and your beloved
(at least for the next hour or two) can remain anonymous! No “Walk of Shame” here folks! Having pulled in, it is a quick hop skip and a jump to your room, with no one (especially anyone you actually know) the wiser. No questions
asked. This is the “No Tell” Motel! Open 24/7, rooms are available by the hour.

I of course, being utterly clueless, had no idea that these places existed at all, let alone in Lampang. It wasn’t until an Australian friend of mine clued me in that I realized what was going on all around me. How could I know that I was driving past one of these places every morning? Yes indeed, I pedal past one of apparently many “special” motels twice a day. My Aussie friend, who is in his vigorous 70’s has been seeing a Thai widow for some time now. Apparently this dignified, mature lady is as randy as they come. The problem was that there was no
where for the two of them to get together discreetly. At either of their two homes were too many prying eyes of too many nosey neighbors. This well respected lady would simply die of embarrassment if found out. Hell, her grown children disapproved
of the very idea of her “dating”, let alone having sex with someone she wasn’t married to. The answer to their dilemma was to “drive on in” to place where mum is the word…or however you would express that sentiment
in Thai. According to my friend, the place he takes his lady friend (not the one I drive past) is clean, comfortable, inexpensive and above all is discretion personified.

Thais, like a lot of other people around the world, can be terribly schizophrenic when it comes to admitting that most people actually enjoy sex. Thailand may be a Buddhist culture, but so much in the environment drips with sexuality. Through High School, girls wear skirts down to their ankles, and blouses that do their best to hide the fact that they do actually possess breasts. Upon entering a university, these same virginal girls (or presumably so) now don short tight skirts and blouses that leave no doubt that they do indeed have a fine pair of breasts! Pornography is illegal here, but not music videos that feature seductive coyotes wearing not much more than their “birthday suit” gyrating in a blatantly sexual manner. Oh well, the seeming contradictions that surround me are one of things that I love about this place. The particular Love Motel I drive past each day is a stone’s throw away from a large and beautiful wat. A virtual parade of monks walks past it on their morning rounds. Just another day in Amazing Thailand, although one you will probably never hear about from the Thai Association of Tourism.