Readers' Submissions

Anonymous Hits Back

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 29th, 2009
  • 13 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


Oh dear, my Brokenman Busted submission did attract a lot of flak, didn't it? Shame on me for letting my Schadenfreude get the better of me! But really, he did ask for it.

I agree that I did go a bit over the top, but I do feel that his defenders are too busy shooting the messenger to appreciate the message. I have read all of Brokenman's submissions over the last year or so and really I did find his ramblings very, very annoying and so, yes, I was greatly amused to discover that the lady of his dreams had taken his money and ripped out his heart. I have to confess that I didn't intend sending in a submission. What I did was to write an email to Brokenman basically telling him “I told you so” and copied it to Stick. Stick then emailed me back asking me to do a longer piece which he'd post. And that's what I did. I don't make a habit of sending in submissions and I promise that this will be my last!

The submission that made me smile the most was Postie, who accused me of being the 'quintessential ugly farang' and went on to say I was a buffoon and presumes that I got burned myself and wanted company in my misery. He goes on to paint a picture of me sharing a beer with fellow expats moaning about my life in Thailand, and reckons that I'm a square peg in a round hole. Then he signs off by calling me a sucker. Whew! I have to say, Postie, psychic you're not! Every assumption you made about me is wrong, pretty much. And so your criticism such as it was becomes water off a duck's back! I have no problems with Thailand, or the Thais. I wouldn't have spent so many years here if I wasn't happy and successful. What I do have problems with is the legion of so-called experts who think that a few trips here as a sex tourist entitles them to lecture the rest of us on how the country operates. I have been here for most of the last thirty years and it still confuses me! I do take offence at the type of postings that claim a poor good-natured English guy was ripped off by a hard-hearted Thai girl. As I said in my first posting, Brokenman Busted, Brokenman deserved everything he got. I don't think he had any right to ask for our sympathy, and to be honest any sympathy I have is reserved for the Thai woman he dragged off to the Midlands.

Despite what Postie implies, I'm not anti-Thai or anti-Thailand. I have to say that in my experience the biggest thieves, liars and frauds here in Thailand are actually the trailer-trash Europeans and not the Thais! Postie says that I should keep my advice to myself. Hmmm. The thing is, Postie, I didn't start this. Brokenman started posting nonsense as advice so I think I was, and am, entitled, to post a rebuttal. And I repeat what I said in my first posting – a sad loser in the UK is still a sad loser in Thailand. You have to fix yourself and not expect a Thai woman to fix you. It isn't going to happen.

Postie accuses me of being a coward for posting anonymously. Why post anonymously? Two reasons. The email address I used to submit is one that I only use when dealing with the various Thai websites. I never read emails sent to that email address. I have had enough bad experiences to know that there's nothing in the emails worth reading, just Postie-type abuse. And unlike Brokenman, I learn from my experiences. So putting up an email address would be a waste of time. If anyone wants to reply, put it up on the site where everyone can see it and everyone can benefit from your wisdom! Let the readers decide what is gold and what's dross!

The reason for not revealing my true identity is because I am actually very well known in Thailand and I don't want to risk having some idiot coming up and being abusive next time I'm out on the town. I know that most of the sex tourists out there will resent what I have to say, and as they not the sharpest knives in the drawer they do tend to lash out physically rather than verbally and I've got to the age where I really can't be bothered with confrontations. So no, I'm not going to tell you who I am. But let's just say that I've lived in Thailand for a long time and know most of the movers and shakers out here. You'll see me from time to time in the glossy magazines in one or other of those cocktail parties photo shoots, usually holding a glass of champagne. I've met Stickman, and ran into Mark Holt a couple of times. I had a drink or two with Warren Olson in the days when he was working as Thai Private Eye. Like Warren, I could have written a book or two about my experiences here and in Vietnam, but I haven't. Not yet, anyway. So please forgive me for remaining anonymous!

Incidentally, most of Brokenman's problems wouldn't have occurred if he'd bothered to read Warren's excellent book – Confessions Of A Bangkok Private Eye.

Or the excellent Private Dancer.

Or even just bothered to read the submissions on the Stickman site.

Here's the thing. The odds against any sex tourist, or former sex tourist, finding the love of his life in Thailand are so low as to be laughable. That's what annoyed me about Brokenman's initial postings. He was telling all and sundry that Thailand was the answer to their problems. That it took him, battered and bruised emotionally, and made him into a happier person. He was telling the world that Thai girls are good for you, that the real men of the world should get on a plane to Thailand where they would find Paradise. That's why I first wrote to him, to tell him that he was talking bollocks and that he was heading for a fall. Yes, I did take pleasure in finding out that his beloved Thailand had ripped his heart out and taken his hard-earned money. I'm sorry, but I was right and he was wrong and he still won't learn from his mistakes. He's telling us all that his plan now is to work as an expat in the Middle East, save up his money, and come back to Thailand! How stupid is he? If a child plays with matches once and gets burned then you can be sympathetic, but if he burns his house down and then still plays with matches, you have to wonder whether the kid is a few sandwiches short of a picnic!

I remember asking Warren in how many cases did he actually find a Thai girl who loyal and true to her farang husband/boyfriend and he just laughed. Maybe Stick can confirm in what percentage of his Stickman investigations does the object of his investigation turn out to be honest and truthful? I'm guessing it would be less than ten per cent. (About 15% or so, I do not have exact numbersStick>

So when the likes of Brokenman start telling me that the women in the UK are fat and awful and that Thai girls treat him like the king he deserves to be treated like, then I reach for the sick bag. When he tells me that Thai girls are loving and caring and make great wives, I laugh myself stupid. The man is an idiot, and having posted as an idiot I think I'm entitled to reply telling all and sundry just how stupid he is.

Seven or eight trips as a sex tourist do not make you an expert on Thailand, Thais or Thai culture. It just means you're a sex tourist who keeps coming back to buy more sex. This guy makes his sex workers wear football shits before he screws them and then delights in telling us that, as if it's something to be proud of! Give me a break. He was a sex tourist who decided that he wanted his own little sex toy back the UK and he deserved everything he got!

And let's go back to Brokenman's premise that there are no decent girls/women in the West. That's a refrain you hear so often from the fat, old, bald and ugly who flock from the UK to the Land Of Smiles. It's bollocks. The UK is full of gorgeous women. And so is the West in general. Next time FHM magazine runs a '100 Hot Women' features or picks its 'Hottest 100 Women in The World' have a look at how many are Thai. I'll tell you. None. Zero. There'll be a couple of Asians in that Top 100 and they'll probably be Chinese. The rest of them will be white or black, from Jessica Alba to Halle Berry, and they will all be drop-dead gorgeous.

The thing is, though, that the majority of the hot women in the West wouldn't look twice at the likes of Brokenman and the rest of the sex tourist brigade. They get stuck with the fat/ugly/stupid women because that's their level. To be brutal, that's what they deserve. It's Darwinian selection at its most raw. The successful males get the best mates. The likes of Brokenman (and I presume Postie!) get what's left over.

Take a look at the rich, successful men in the world. The captains of industry, the movie stars, the sports stars. How many have Thai wives? None. Even Tiger Woods who is half Thai won't go near Thai women. Rich, successful men do not marry Thai girls. Losers like Brokenman do. (The only pop star who married a Thai as far as I know is Phil Collins – and as he's short, bald, overweight and middle-aged, he does fit the Brokenman profile. Oh, and his marriage ended in tears, too!)

Guys like Brokenman come to Thailand for a Thai bride because a decent woman in the West wouldn't look twice at them. That's not the fault of the women, the fault lies squarely with Brokenman and his ilk. They need to fix themselves. If a woman in the West doesn't find Brokenman attractive, does he believe for one moment that a Thai girl will look at him any differently? Of course not. The Thai girls see only the money that's on offer. That's the only reason Thai girls agree to marry these losers from the West. They think they're going to be rich. They don't say that, of course they don't say that. But that's what they're thinking. And when they get married and get back to the UK and find that it was all an illusion, that Brokenman has only limited finances and leads a boring mundane life, then of course she will look for a better prospect. It was all about money from the start, so why would you expect her to behave otherwise? As soon as a better deal comes along, she'll take it.

Farang Dave (How sad a pen name is that? How desperate is he to be accepted in Thailand?) pours scorn on my assertion that you should understand the culture that a person comes from before marrying her. No, Farang Dave, you are wrong. You have to understand the culture of the person you are marrying. And be able to communicate in a single language, be it English or Thai.

Farang Dave says “I wish Mr Anonymous would please tell me how much cross-culture knowledge we should all have before we are allowed to marry someone from another country?” The answer, Farang Dave, is simple. A lot. Why would you think otherwise?

And Farang Dave (don't you just grin from ear to ear when you read that!) makes the mistake that so many from the West make when he proclaims that life in the Midlands is like Disneyland compared to the average Thai's life. No, wrong again. The everyday life of the average Thai, even on a farm in Isarn, is a darn sight more sanuk than life in the Midlands with a guy whose main interests are the pub, football and his local male voice choir. Don't you get it? She was bored rigid with Brokenman and preferred working in a massage parlour in London to being with him in the Midlands.

Then Farang Dave looks into his crystal ball and says – 'Does Mr Anonymous also hail from Midlands (sic) and now justifies his own boring life in Thailand by criticising those that still do?' No, Farang Dave, I'm not from the Midlands and my life isn't boring. Water off a duck's back, my friend! You are doing Brokenman no favours by attacking the messenger and ignoring the message.

Brokenman's problem is that he just won't learn. His latest plan is to work in the Middle East, save his money and go back to Thailand. The cycle repeats. And unless he learns some cold hard truths he will remain trapped in that cycle. And he isn't alone. Still, like lemmings to a cliff, they keep on coming. Did you read the recent submission by Mike, a nasty divorce 14 years ago and suspicious of Western women, he's used an agency to find him a Thai wife. He hardly knows the woman, hasn't even got her back to the States yet, but already he's posting telling all the world how successful it has been! Let me make a prediction, Stickman readers. Mike's tale of joy is going to end in tears, and two or three years down the line he'll be back posting about the evil Thai woman who lied to him and stole his money. I loved the bit in his posting about buying her new shoes and reading glasses. 'My idea, not hers,' says Mike. Mike just doesn't get it. Of course he thinks it was his idea. And what about this? 'When I was talking to my special lady about our future I kept getting the “up to you” response'. He says that as if it was a good thing. Mike, you are a moron. She says 'up to you' because she doesn't care, because whatever future you are planning she isn't part of it! There, my Schadenfreude is showing again. But these idiots, they ask for it.

Stickman's thoughts:

It would be interesting to hear from other long-term expats i.e. 10 years plus and see if they agree with what Mr. Anonymous has to say.