Stickman Readers' Submissions March 20th, 2009

Another Go At The Philandering Husbands

In his comments to Cowboy Cruiser Stick said this:..

your parents, your siblings, your kids and your life partner are surely the people you want to be honest with? Why bother getting married?

I think this was a rhetorical question. Most of us get married with good intentions and no thoughts of divorce, otherwise we wouldn’t go the full hog. Most of us are focused on our happiness at the time (unless it’s a shotgun wedding) and
would not contemplate cheating. The example Stick brought up about someone he knew was cheating after one week of getting married was surely not common.

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Cowboy Cruiser makes some good points but in the end even he takes side with those men who are not averse to a bit on the side. He ask us to be in control and respectful to our wives. If only it was so easy. Didn’t he mention about being in sensory
overload ogling young women in the malls and on the Skytrain?

In the West the temptations are not so in your face and the cost can be crippling unless you’re well off. In Thailand opportunities abound and the cost is miniscule compared to the West. Lets’ call it “opportunity philandering’
for want of a better term.

I think it basically boils down to this: Do you value your marriage and its “trappings” or do you want to revert back to your single days when the only person you were responsible for was yourself?

Actually I think that divorce between consenting adults is a good thing.

Why would you want to persevere with a loveless marriage where every day of your life is misery?

I agree when Stick talks about trust and honesty in a marriage. However there should be honesty in divorce too. Firstly be honest to yourself and admit that you made a mistake in taking the serious step of marriage to someone who may not be compatible
to you in the long term and be honest in communicating it to your spouse.

Be honest when offering some compensation to your former spouse whom you left possibly without any fault of her own. It’s called buying back your freedom.

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Philandering is a coward's way out of a predicament. Your self esteem will suffer as a consequence. Any future relationships will be tainted by this too. It’ll be very hard to once again establish your credentials when you’ve been known
as a butterfly. What are your chances then to find a decent woman down the track?

The bottom line is that Thailand is a very dangerous place for married folks. Don’t stay there if you have alternatives. If you have to stay there for an extended period pick and choose the kind of people you mix with.

There’s is strength in numbers of like minded people as well as perils if you get into the wrong crowd.

If you need to live in Bangkok try to find accommodation away from the touristy areas and make some Thai friends through your Thai wife. Even better, if you’re retired live in a provincial city. If you have a farang wife get her to be your social
director and let her pick friends in your own socio economic and educational circumstances.

Get involved in sports and hobbies, like golf, fishing, scuba diving, join Camber of Commerce activities, Lions, Rotary and charity organisations.

There are so many activities that can keep you busy instead of gallivanting around the bars.

Let me assure you there’s more to Thailand than booze and sex. Don’t be lazy and be creative. Try some of the arts in your spare time such as writing, painting, woodwork etc. You may discover hidden talents and get a lot of pleasure from
your newly found self.

Having said all this and giving you the readers all these alternatives to philandering I’m not so impractical as to suggest that all married men should become saints in Thailand. That would be nigh impossible.

So if you have to get some relief which is not available to you at home at the very instance you need it as an instant gratification I suggest the massage joints also known as soapies.

These places are strictly controlled and any hanky panky happens on the premises under supervision, so to speak. The chances of it being a marriage breaker is next to nil and the utmost discretion applies.

Visiting these places probably won’t cause any guilt feelings for you and it’ll facilitate any physical desires you need to take care of.

Should your relationship with your wife be more compromised than just the sexual aspect, a divorce may be the practical way to go. At least in Thailand it’s a lot simpler than back home.

I hope this has been helpful to some of you anyway!

Stickman's thoughts:

I agree with most of what you say. The one curiosity is that you seem to have a proviso that soapies are ok and won't cause any guilt. I find that perplexing to say the least! How is it any different? At the end of the day, surely the act of having sex with a woman away from the marital bed is what is questionable, not where you do it or the nature of the environment?

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