Readers' Submissions

Not This Year

  • Written by Undercover
  • October 30th, 2008
  • 4 min read

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Heading to Thailand, well not this year. There are too many problems at home and you can’t risk spending your money on fun. The economy sucks and being more than a bit worried about if the job will be there when you get back ends those
thoughts. Heaven knows with all the added stress and anxiety at home, a trip to Thailand would be just what the doctor ordered, but not this year. Half of the spending money would be spent on feeding those Pratt and Whitney jet engines hanging
from the wings.

Forget about re-experiencing the feeling you have as you get your entry visa stamped in your passport knowing what is ahead and past the exit doors of the airport. Forget about seeing the familiar smiling faces at the reception desk of your
favorite hotel. You can simply forget about all of that this year.

You can forget about chilling out at Big Dogs in Nana Plaza and how good that very first beer is as it slides down your throat. You can forget about chasing away the vendors who are interested in selling you everything from oversize cigarette
lighters to Viagra. You can forget about seeing how big and fat that white dog has gotten that hangs around Nana Plaza. The saddest part is you can forget about looking at women who actually smile and have a pleasant personality. That’s
not going to happen this year.

You can forget about walking down Soi Cowboy this year and seeing for yourself how much it has changed with all the renovations. You read about it in Stickman and Dave the Rave but to see it for yourself just sends that wonderful feeling
of excitement and anticipation that you have waited for all year, but not this year. You can forget about wondering if Stickman and the dirty doctor are about, and what it would be like to hook up with them knowing what they know. Most certainly
they know what spots are best, and you can discover for yourself what never finds it’s way to Stickman’s weekly column. Best of all you may get a taste for yourself. But not this year.

You can forget about going to Angelwitch in Pattaya and seeing those sexy women slide down the poles from the second floor to get on stage. You can forget about seeing all those wonderfully choreographed shows some funny, some sexy, and some
you would never tell mom about. You can forget about seeing what happens to all those bananas at Baby Dolls, although you have a fairly good idea. You can forget about dodging all the aggressive ladyboys on Walking street and seeing how horrendous
the new Walking street sign is. You can also forget about going to the cavern known as Marine Disco at 2:00 am and seeing all those cute sexy women dancing. Especially the ones that have decided that dancing on the sub woofers is the best place
to show it off, as they gyrate and wiggle to the music. You can forget about rediscovering it is very hard to leave Marine disco alone. But why would you want to think those dreadful thoughts to begin with. After all this is Pattaya Thailand otherwise
known as the mother load of fun and frolicking.

You can forget about chilling out the next day on the beach chasing away an endless parade of vendors and children wanting to sell you anything from a painted tattoo to toilet paper. You can forget about sipping on a chilled coconut and getting
a foot massage as you watch the waves roll in.

You can forget about getting a wonderful foot, Thai or oil massage in any number of places. You can also forget about getting a soapy massage if you dare. All you will see is the same four walls you see everyday as you are stuck at home.
There will be no Thai food to set your mouth afire or sexy Thai women to set your heart afire.

Instead you are at home reading Stickman’s website dreaming and cursing your bad luck this year. You are forced to endure choking political correctness, fat women with attitudes and the closest you can get to Thailand is Chinese takeaway
from the Chinese restaurant around the corner. You look in the mirror and wonder why you are getting prematurely grey and suddenly realize that in the west, men are not allowed to have fun. In fact men are not allowed to be men. They must conform
to the standards of the society set up by sick people obsessed with political correctness. Thailand is the safe haven from all of that political correctness and stress. The Thai men have done a wonderful job at it, and you wonder how things could
have gone so terribly wrong at home. After all should you not be able to enjoy yourself at home, and not need to travel half way around the world to do it.

But unfortunately that is not the case, and there will be no relief this year. No wonder why your sex drive has been pointing at the floor and your face is scoured with stress lines. You know inside a few hours in Thailand things will start
to point upward again and you can have a reason to smile. You can tell a women how nice she looks without the risk of some lawyer sending you a cease and desist letter. You can speak your mind knowing that the other person will not fall apart
and need a therapist. Life can be what it should be when men can be men and women can be woman, but not this year.

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Stickman's thoughts:

Oh, you won't win any friends with this, but the funny thing is, you're probably largely right!