Readers' Submissions

Som Nahm Nah – Thailand 4 England 2

  • Written by Deluded
  • September 11th, 2008
  • 7 min read


I am married to a Thai lady, an ex gogo dancer and I have a stepdaughter and another child on the way and I get sick to death of these negative stories I read on Stickman's website about Thai women. However I do accept there is a lot of truth to many of these stories. Anyway back to my story which happened last month. From the score line above you will see how the farang lost again!

I was walking round my house in Thailand having arrived from the UK 2 days earlier when I saw some subsidence of the soil so I was using half a roof slate to shovel soil under the house. As I moved along the side of the house I suddenly was bitten on the arm by a female bitch. Typical Thais, how was I to know that the bitch had 6 puppies living in a den under my house? The sister in-law who lives in my house while I am in living in the UK fails to tell me. I am trying to learn Thai but I get no encouragement from the wife as she says she doesn’t want me to know everything the family are talking about. I tell all the people and her family at the shop the dog will die very soon and use a cutting motion at my throat to signify its impending death. Anyway, that is Thailand 1 England 0.

2 weeks later I take the family down to Pattaya, wife, daughter, niece, sister-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law and farang. We start at 2:15 AM and arrive at the rest area between BKK and Pattaya at 9 AM. Everyone eats breakfast and then back in the pick-up and we continue our journey to Pattaya. After freshening up at our hotel in Jomtien it’s down to my favourite restaurant for a meal. They eat shrimps and tom yum soup, me, I am into mussels in shill sauce. Cost nearly 1,000 baht. After this we head off down the beach at Jomtien, the family order shrimps and crab from the beach vendors and they tuck in again. The wife buys me a packet of peanuts and a small beer to keep me quiet. An hour or so later the mother in law starts to order more crab and prawns. I lose my cool and protest to the wife who has only just finished eating. Wife says “Mum want” and that’s the end of the conversation. I don’t know how much it costs as the wife pays, or rather she pays and then later she will be asking me for more money. Thailand 2 England 0. Soon we head back to the hotel and I go play with the children in the swimming pool while the rest go and sleep off their enormous meals. As I learn later the step-daughter and niece go to the mother in law's room after swimming and they consume the rest of the crab and prawns.

Next it's off to Pattaya to look around Big C. I always dread this as I know that they tend to put in clothes into the basket and they expect the farang to pay. I add a couple of Beijing T-shirts at 79 baht reduced from 179 baht as the Olympics have nearly finished. Also a couple of pairs of shorts at 60 baht each and 1 at 99 baht. I also buy another pair of shoes as my shoes have tears in the fabric. Total cost of my purchases is less than 600 baht. I see father-in law put in shorts at 459 baht and everyone is loading up trolley with what they want. I go and add in a couple of baby clothes as I reason if everyone is fitting themselves out with new wardrobes, well, why shouldn’t baby get something as well. When we get to the checkout, conveniently the wife goes to the toilet leaving me to pay the bill. 5,600 baht leaves me seething and almost losing my cool. I protest to the wife when she is buying me a pizza about the cost and have a minor row and the wife is now ignoring me. Thailand 3 England 0.

It’s back to Jomtien and they all sit down on the floor of the hotel room to have another Thai meal. While I eat my pizza, my wife is still ignoring me so I go to bed although would love to go into Pattaya for a beer but know life would not be worth living if I did. She stays with the family and joins me in bed later although I am asleep and don’t hear her.

At 5 AM I get woken up. It’s the father in law. His wife is ill and they decide she must go hospital. She is vomiting. Som nahm nah I think but say nothing. Thailand 3 England 1. My personal opinion would have been to let her drink loads of water and she should recover in 24 hours. However if she subsequently died my life would be hell forever. Anyway, back in the pick-up we go and off to Pattaya Memorial Hospital. They see farang and they quote 10,000 baht. I see 1 Thai man with knife cuts to body and blood pouring down his face. He looks like he has been cut from ear to ear. Wife and I go back to hotel and father in law stays with wife at hospital. She is on a drip but it looks like just water to me. She is finally released in the afternoon at a cost of 7,800 baht to the farang. Thailand 4 England 1.

The following days the mother-in-law eats rice soup in the room and doesn’t eat any more seafood. I am not sure whether she is allergic to seafood as is my wife or she just ate too much of it. Anyway, all the meals afterwards are without mother-in law who stays in her room. Phew!

That evening my father in law and I want to go Pattaya to see he nightlife so the wife decides to come along too as she doesn’t trust either me or her father (he has had a mia noi in the past). We go Peppermint, try and get into the Club Boesche but they refuse entry because I am with a Thai man even though her father is only 6 years older than me. I explain that is the father of my wife but to no avail. After that it’s Soi Diamond and Superbabes and another gogo ,(name forgotten). We also go Shark Club or is it the Tiger Go-go? It’s upstairs over a little bridge in Soi Diamond. What a dump the girls are in one venues with nighties and 2 of them don’t even dance but just chat to each other. If I was the boss they would have been sacked on the spot. Anyway after a very hurried drink we move on to the other go-gos in Soi Diamond and I check out a few without buying beer until we find a suitable one i.e. topless. We did not go to my favourite gogo as the wife didn’t want her father to know what job she used to work in Pattaya. As far as the village is concerned we met in the restaurant where she worked. If we went back to her gogo then the father would soon realise the truth when all the staff would rush over to get a free drink.

We go back home on day 4 and on arriving home discover that the bitch has died. It was run over by a delivery lorry delivering to the shop. Som Nahm Nah. Thailand 4 England 2. I also discover 2 of the 6 puppies have been given away whilst we have been away. Irritating as I am not consulted even though they are the house dogs.

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Stickman's thoughts:

I would retitle this submission as "My Shitty Marriage". I don't wish to make you feel bad but honestly, this sounds like a crappy relationship. Your wife doesn't want you to speak Thai well as her and the family clearly have plenty of secrets. She doesn't trust you. You are asked to finance the family's shopping sprees, something which you clearly resent. I wonder how much you and your wife have in common?

This sounds like exactly the sort of marriage most would want to avoid!