Stickman Readers' Submissions July 25th, 2008

My Ex-Friend’s Almost Ex-Wife

I had been 125 miles offshore and 200 miles south of San Francisco in 30 knots wind and 12 foot seas when a crew member on watch informed me of a rigging failure. It was 5 AM as I scrambled out of my bunk and a semi-sound sleep. It was pitch black with
green water flowing down both port and starboard decks of my 47 foot sailboat. Scurrying up the weather side of my tiny ship, I discovered that the boom had ripped away from the mast. A decision had to be made. Where was this weather coming from?
I had tried to tune in WWV weather on the Ham Radio with no avail due to low propagation with the present sunspot activity. I had no tools to predict what lay ahead of us. So the sound and safe decision was to abort the sail to Hawaii and make
port some 125 miles back to Monterey Bay where I could affect repairs and sort out the electronics which had been failing.

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Back in port with an internet connection I had discovered two tropical depressions, Boris and Douglas, lying in wait for us. I had made a wise choice to turn around. Both systems where packing 50-70 knot winds and we would have had a hard
time of it in those conditions with a broken boat. Remembering my cell phone, I turned it on and saw I had a few messages. All from the same person…Boo (not her real name but close). The main message was as follows… "Khun Jake, husband
kick me from house. Now me and daughter not have place to live. We live with you"?

Oh shit…this drama had been going on for 3 years now. The husband in question, Hal (not his real name but close), was a former friend and had gone to Thailand 3 years prior on my recommendation. I knew Hal was a bit of a skirt chaser but
what I did not know was the extent of his sexual addition. I had told him of the nightlife in the Land of Smiles but not to become emotionally involved with a bargirl as they would eat him up and spit him out. Hal had other plans. His first stop
was Pattaya and the Big C where many freelancers hang out. I have heard many a stupid story of the involvement farangs have with these girls but this one took the cake. The first girl he bedded was Boo and within 2 weeks, married her and get this,
promised to build her and her mother a new house in Lampang. He came back to Hawaii, where I live, gloating about his involvement with Boo as well as a few other unsavory stories. The rest of us just shook our heads in disbelief but pussy is a
powerful drug to a sex addict and Hal was all of that.

Six months of paperwork and a few thousand dollars later, Boo, her daughter Iris (not her real name but close) arrived on the island to find Hal living in his tiny one room studio under someone's house. Boo was disgusted. People were
walking above them and we all know how the Thais are about having feet higher than their head.

I intervened and helped Hal buy a humble house on the side of the island where I lived. It wasn't a week when all hell broke out. While we helped the 3 of them move into the new house, Hal had inadvertently placed his bill-fold of $1000
on the kitchen table. Boo seeing this, took the roll of money and placed it in a sugar jar on top of the refrigerator, in order to keep it out of harm's way. Discovering that the money was missing, Hal began to spew out a series of rapid
questions to Boo as to where the money went. Boo's English at the time was not very good and is not much better now. She had no idea of what Hal was trying to convey and began to become offended as to why Hal was so negative, demanding and
raising his voice. Grabbing her purse and the little girl, Boo made haste for an exit out the front door with Hal in full pursuit. The arguing escalated with Hal grabbing Boo by the arm and eventually by the throat as he threw her down on the
ground trying to rip her purse open. Boo, still having no idea of what was going on, locked herself in one of the moving trucks and was driven to a woman's shelter in town. Later when the situation cooled down and the money was discovered,
Hal apologized and tried to smooth things out with Boo but I noticed she kept a healthy mistrust of Hal after the incident.

Every time life seemed to normalize, another drama would ensue, further driving a wedge in the already unstable relationship. It would be around immigration issues, money spent or why Hal was so secretive about his activities away from home.
As these dramatic escapades continued, soon the police where called in as each one of them spent 24 hours behind bars as a cool down period. Each time one of them went to jail, the other one come over to my house crying the blues about the other.
The one time Hal had been told by the police to leave his house for 24 hours, to cool down, he came over to my house with laptop in hand and porn videos. Hey!, I don't mind a little porn now and again but Geez!!! right after a fight? Another
time, I was on my way to his house to pick up a piece of machinery I had loaned him and in the pouring rain found Boo sopping wet in a ditch on the side of the road with her bicycle, a mile from Hal's house. Apparently, Hal had refused to
give her a ride to a friend's house and Boo had to use her bike and got caught in one of our famous squalls. Her clothing clung to her delicate body revealing an exquisite outline of all her features. I could see why Hal wanted her. I was
envious. I pulled her bicycle into my truck. She embraced me and sobbed on my shoulder as I held her. From that point in time forward I had feelings for Boo but never ever showed it or made any advances towards her.

I tried to help by taking Boo's little girl on the weekends to give the newly wed maniacs some space to sort things out and to allow Iris some down time from crazy central. As the weeks went by, I had become very attached to Iris as
we made paper puppets and played children's games. My one son had grown up and was living far away, so to have this again in my life really felt good.. I could play parent for a weekend and have the rest of the week off….good deal. One
of these weekends, Iris and I were about to have a barbecue when she came up with the notion to invite the maniacs over to eat with us. Reluctantly I agreed. We prepared a simple but nice meal and Iris at the age of 7 was very proud of what she
had accomplished. The maniacs came over and within 5 minutes began an argument which went on for 20 minutes at which point I gave them time out after seeing Iris crying hysterically. My heart broke for her. I realized then the love I felt for
that child and the utter despair she must have felt being so powerless over the situation. Hal left first, pouting, walking home with Boo and Iris in pursuit an hour later. I did not see Iris for a year after that and believe me, it was 6 months
before I could feel ok about it. Hal had become jealous with my relationship with Iris.

Returning from one of my business trip to the LOS, I was appalled to hear that I had been accused of trying to steal his family out from under him. I immediately called him up in order to confront the accusations. He immediately blamed Boo
for it saying she had told him I was hitting on her. I told him that I was not sure who was lying and wanted the two of them to stay away from me.

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My life seemed to go on but I would occasionally think of Boo and Iris but just keep moving on. Soon, Boo began to come over again after that year of silence and I told her she could only come over with Iris as I did not need any rumors of
the 2 of us alone on an island. Gossip here is called the coconut express. It was nice to see Boo and Iris although I had to listen to Boo's latest problems. I tried to stay insulated from the problems only offering the suggestion that if
she and her daughter had their green cards now, there was no reason to stay in a marriage that was not happy for her. Apparently Hal had dove full depth into the porn world with Iris walking in on him at least one time while he was viewing smut
on his laptop. Boo was becoming concerned for Iris's safety as was I since I knew some of Hal's claims about being with girls over the border in Cambodia.

So when I received the messages on my cell phone, I called Boo back and explained to her what had happened with my sailboat and that I was not on the island. I also told her that I would not be comfortable with her and Iris staying at the
house without me there. She understood and over the days I talked to her as she cried about her life. We had talked many a time about her life as a prostitute. Yes…prostitute. That is what she was. No matter the reason for it. She had found
it necessary to sell her body for money. My past has had a few hookers and strippers in it as well and I hold no value or judgment pertaining to the profession. In my past, I have had to do what I have had to do. I never threw it in Boo's
face and for that she was surprised and felt comfortable talking about the subject in detail. I must admit feeling aroused at the thought of it all. As days went by and Boo and I talked frankly about our feelings, she told me and I had always
known, that she had feelings for me. That she wished she had married someone like me. I told her that was difficult being a hooker but I had already been with a few anyways, so was no prince. She laughed and later I had to admit to her that I
felt love for her and Iris.

So here I am on an airplane home with Boo and Iris ready to move in. It is obvious where we are going with it all since Boo asked me to get an HIV test as soon as possible…and I will.

More to come.

Stickman's thoughts:

Oh, this is going to go pear-shaped!!!

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