Stickman Readers' Submissions June 18th, 2008

Life, Marriage and Heartbreak

It started a few years ago. I went to Thailand for my 4th holiday. I knew the dangers of bargirls but met a fresh one and fell in love with her. I went back 2 months later to see her. We spent time in her Isaan village. Met the family and her child. We then went back to Phuket where I gave her the choice of staying in the bars or going back to the village. She decided to stay with me and I returned back home. We spoke everyday for months and I rung her late at night. She would always answer the phone and was always happy to speak. Then I decided to got to Thailand and work. I spent 4 months drifting from one job to another. Not a great life, but it was important to spend time with her. I then married her. She seemed happy until a little while later when she mentioned that she wanted to go to work in Phuket.

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I had enough and kicked her out. A member of my family was sick so I decided to return home. She was in Phuket for 5 days and out of the blue she turned up at my apartment saying how much she loved me. She had rung me a few times saying that she missed me and she loved me, but I was adamant that I didn't want her back. She said she didn't care about money – she cared for me. I wanted to believe her. I wanted so much but I had found out stuff that she had lied about and told her that she'd have to regain my trust first. She stayed and for the most part it was happy times.

I told her that she would have to earn my trust now and when I went back I'd wait a little while before I wanted to give her money. She seemed happy at the idea. I was going to be sending her money again, taking care of her. She also seemed happy that I was budging on my original stance that I didn't want her.

A week went past and she was as loving as before. I told her that I had a job starting soon and she asked me if I could trust her again. I was unsure and said "We'll speak in a few days and we'll talk then."

A few days later I rung her and she didn't answer her phone. Eventually, I got a text saying she was working. This was 9:30 at night. Come on guys, what do you think here? It was doubtful. I rung her a few more times but by 00:30 local time, her phone was off. The next day I rung her at 11:30 AM and she answered her phone saying she was working. She isn't allowed to answer her phone whilst working. This made no sense. I said I would ring her later that night as I had to go and do some stuff. "Teelak, no problem." I rung her and she didn't answer her phone.

The next day I rung her to find out why. By this time all I can think is she is in Phuket. The whole "She's in hospital" is a bargirl lie. It could all be true but I doubted it.

The following day, she still doesn't answer her phone but my friend's girlfriend rings and she eventually answers saying she is in hospital but doesn't know the name (strange) and that she wants to speak to me but doesn't have any money on her phone – and asks for me to ring her. So I do only to find that she has it turned off. This is really strange by now.

The next day, nothing. Finally, she rings at 6:50 AM and speaks to me. She says that she was in hospital, gives me the name, and says she is going to work now. This is a Saturday. I say "I'll ring you later, do you want to talk then?" to which she says, "ring me in 3 hours". we had a small conversation which included the phone call, which she said it wasn't her, it was her friend. Anyway, what does she do? Yep she didn't answer her phone, then turned it off. The Sunday she eventually turned her phone on but never answered it.

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After this, I gave up. I now have to divorce her. Why do I think she lied to me?

I'll tell you why. Simply, a Thai girl in hospital will have her phone with her and not give it to her friends to look after. This is bull. Don't believe that as in Thailand, they're allowed to have their mobile phones on in hospital. The lie about not speaking to my friends, girlfriend. How can you lie about that, not to mention the lies she told me in Thailand. I found out way too many. Maybe I am wrong and I blew the relationship on my own by thinking she was in Phuket when she wasn't. However there is other stuff like when you ring her, you can tell that she's in a bad signal area or not. Her phone has sounded like it was in bad areas, then good, then off etc.

She has her phone glued to her like I have my MP3 player. She'll never let it out of her sight.

This has been going on for months now and I still can't find her. I am planning to go back to look for her but is it worth it? There has been no contact with her… Not even a demand for 1 baht, not a thing. This is unusual. I was expecting a big money demand. I even text her offering 100,000 baht to finish quick. Very strange how she has worked things. You would have thought that she'd make a demand but hasn't. All just gone quiet. Not even a reply to an email if anything else.

So now comes the fun and games, trying to find a lawyer who won't fob me off with bull.

The whole thing is weird, but a possible danger of getting married to a Thai girl, especially one that worked in a bar. Are all of them bad? No, but the majority realise they can make so much money that this is all they care about.

This was my fault as I let myself get suckered in. The moral here is in Thailand, only give what you can afford to lose. I didn't lose that much. I didn't do the whole land and house thing and gave only my beer money each month… I lost a few nights out and my phone bills were a little higher. Nothing worth crying about. But now comes the whole divorce proceedings which will take a little while longer.

Stickman's thoughts:

First of all, stop thinking like an American when it comes to divorce. From what I understand American courts positively rape the guy but it is no so in Thailand. In this situation the easiest thing to do would be to divorce her after one year apart on the ground of abandonment. You would pay NOTHING to her and don't even worry about alimony!

One thing that all readers should be aware of is that in 99% of occasions when the phone is off for a prolonged period of time, they are bonking another guy. You read that right. If your teeruk cannot be reached for a period of time, she is up to no good.

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