Stickman Readers' Submissions June 14th, 2008

All Me Lovelies

I have been reading Stickman for about two years and I have to tell you the saps who write on this site are always good for a few laughs. Well, at least the ones who tell a story better than they take care of their Thai brides. Some of the Stickman contributors
are just plain boring and those are the good ones. The rest would probably be well advised to draw pictures with crayons and post them on their refrigerators instead of Stickman.

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Let me tell you about myself and then I’ll tell you about my favorite hobby. I grew up in Vancouver Canada. People say Canadians are like Americans but let me tell you that we are far superior. The only country which comes close to being as good
as Canada is France, and I’m sure that was an accident on their part. Vancouver is full of money and more full of Asian chicks, mostly Chinese. I discovered in Jr. High school that Chinese girls gave me more of a rise than other girls.
I love their long black shiny hair and svelte bodies and the smooth skin of their face and almond shaped eyes. Much mental imagery floated through my mind during biology class let me tell you.

I’m in my very early 30’s, in great shape with a very flat stomach and nice biceps. My hair is blond which goes well with my hazel eyes and Thai girls seem to really like this combination. 15 years ago my grandfather died and left me a little
over 500,000 Canadian. It was in a trust managed by a family friend and probably by luck he invested in Google and Yahoo stocks and to make a short story shorter, by the time I reached my 25th birthday and gained control of MY money I was
pretty damn well off! I never did that well in school. I found most college professors stuck up and full of themselves and what could they teach me anyway? How to make money? HAHAHAHA! The other students couldn’t understand me because
most didn’t have the kind of money I did, didn’t drive a Lambo, and most didn’t have a decent mug. One day one of the only friends I had was hit by a drunk driver and killed and like a lightbulb exploding in my head I
realized how short life was. I left school and decided to travel the world and see as much as I could before my ticket was punched.

Asia was my first destination. By accident I ended up in Bangkok and decided this was the place for me. With the help of a new friend I bought a nice condo in the Thonglo area, a Benz with a driver (I didn’t buy the driver, I only rent him.. hahahaha),
and decided to stay a while. Almost immediately I noticed people were only interested in my money and I didn’t care for that much. It is not the money. It is the feeling you get that feels like you are renting friends by the hour. I’m
not a piker, but it makes them uncomfortable. They would borrow money and then feel awkward about not paying it back and they would stop being fun and eventually go away. I learned quickly that to make and keep good friends I should not loan
them money and I shouldn’t let them know I had money. I explain the condo and car (and plasma TVs, leather furniture, etc, etc, etc, etc) to people by saying it’s my uncle's and I’m house sitting. Clever eh?

Most of my time is spent either in the southern islands where I have a nice boat, or in the many bars of Bangkok. This is where I developed my hobby. You see, it is quickly obvious to any man who can still see that many good looking Thai women are married
to old foreign men who have got too fat and balding and in my opinion don’t look smart or successful. Others marry younger foreign men who think a real job is teaching English. Right away I noticed that if I smiled at one of these women
they would smile right back, even if their “husband” was sitting in the car next to them. For some reason I got a kick out of this. There would be some fat sweaty guy without much hair who is the very definition of “senior”
citizen, arm in arm with some young beautiful Thai woman, and I could get a smile and maybe a blush out of her with no effort at all.

I’ll admit, this feeling suited me much better than paying bar girls. True, the better bar girls really know their way around the bedroom, but there wasn’t much challenge in it for me. I dated the mythical “good girls” for
about six months and at first really enjoyed getting in their pants while they were thinking about getting into my wallet, but it just wasn’t much of a challenge. This is when I got the idea of banging the wives of expats!

At first I thought I should feel bad about this. Then I decided I was really doing good deeds. I’ve even started to see myself as sort of a missionary (not because of the missionary position hahahaha). You see these girls are bored to death. It’s
obvious to anyone with eyes they are only married to these guys to have an easier life and like any normal young lady they enjoy a vigorous time in the bedroom with someone nearer their own age, and I am sure it helps of this person is in
great shape and not so bad looking. Think about it my friends, there is a 25 year old nice looking Thai woman stuck maybe for years with some fat smelly sweating old guy. They must do what the old man says, live on some meager allowance, cannot
go out with friends to discos and nightlife venues, and worst of all the sex life must be hilarious. Some jiggling fat old hairy belly against a nice brown hard bodied Thai woman? Even with the lights out and hidden under the covers this has
to be their worst nightmare. Good for them its’ probably “Gone in 60 Seconds.” (haha, one of my favourite movies with Angelina Joilie).

I do have some scruples though and some rules or maybe they are guidelines. Let me list them for you so you can see I really do think about the happiness and welfare if these deserving babes.

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First: Never take them back to your main place. I usually use really nice hotels as this impresses them. They like using the spa services and if they have great room service it’s even better as their husbands live on very small budgets and they
cannot afford such treatment.

Second: USE CONDOMS. I don’t worry about the girls. I do worry about their husbands since we all know they still whore around in the bars and massage places.

Third: Never use your own phone. I have a new Nokia phone that takes a dual SIM card. These are great! I can disable the other, or just the ringer.

Forth: Use a hired car and driver. This impresses them and there’s no chance they can learn about your real car. It also makes for a nice day off for your regular driver a few times a week.

Fifth: I give them gifts of cash but not gifts of ‘things.’ The reason for this is ‘things’ have to be explained. The cash they can save in the accounts they use to save the money they skim from their husbands, or they can
just sent it home to their family and tell them their generous husband helped out. See, this is doing a favor for the husband and her and means nothing at all to me. The money that makes them happy is what some call chump change.

There are more, but I listed those so you could see I think about what I’m doing before I do it! I don’t want to cause trouble with their ‘family’, or upset anyone. Mostly I just like the challenge of getting these needy women
in bed and knowing I’m providing them a great service they really need. I am not sure why, but this also makes it very exciting for me, a real turn on.

Some of you will say I am sure that I am doing a bad thing but I disagree. Firstly these old men surely know their young wives need real sex, and that at their age they cannot expect to satisfy such a young woman. Next, its my experience that the married
women I bed relax A LOT after good sex and carry this over to the rest of their lives to make for a more happy homemaker. Well, for sure they seem more happy when with me. I am guessing about their home life but I am probably right.

Let me share with you one girl to start. I had my boat down in Phuket and the custom stereo shop had just got done replacing all six plasma screens to the new really nice LG plasma screens. Some of the 42” had been upgraded to 50” and the
one in the main gallery is not 90 inches! Rocks eh? So, a really nice looking Thai girl in her 30’s drives up in a German sports car. I would tell you what type but maybe her old guy husband reads this? (hahaha) so some details I can
not tell the story.

I immediately start flirting with her and at first she acts surprised. Later I saw a picture of her husband so I can understand her not being used to good looking guys smiling at her lately. I think I melted between her legs the first time I smiled because
she turned red and covered her mouth with her hand like Thai girls do when smiling with crooked teeth or even cleaning their teeth. She was thinking of a new HDTV for her hubby, she says he spends a lot of time in front of the tube these days.
I approach her and casually mention my boat and ask her if she wants to see it. I show her some pictures from Sailing Magazine and tell her I have one just like it. She believes me which I’m not sure how to take, I really own a boat
just like it but a lower form of guy could be lying about owning such a nice boat eh?

I tell her it’s being refitted for a local race on a nearby island and she’s ok with that. It’s not really, but I did have the chemical toilet cleaned that day so close enough eh? I tell her I’m sorry and ask if she’s
like to have lunch in my hotel suite. She thinks about it a second and says ok, and then goes to make a phone call and I can overhear her telling her husband she’ll be spending the afternoon with friends. This makes me really excited.
I make my own call to the local Marriott Resort and book their best suite and ask them to have a chef standing by to cook us a nice lunch.

We arrive at the Marriott on Mai Khao beach and they treat us really good which she likes. We have a great lunch and the cook made her really happy with some special Thai dishes normally only served up in Chiang Mai, northern food I think. It makes her
happy and this is what’s important and good for me too. After the cook leaves she asks about the private pool, can she swim in it. I say of course, but she says no swim suit. Thinking quick I told her this is a private room and we are
adults and at the Y at home they don’t wear swim trunks. Before she can complain I take off my clothes and I hear her gasp as she checks out my body before I jump in. I will bet all she’s used to is some old flabby body, so a
young muscular body like mine probably gets her going eh?

I don’t look, and soon I hear a splash and turning around there she is swimming towards me with a big smile on her face. We splash and have fun and soon we are naked hugging and kissing and she’s really getting into it and so am I. All of
a sudden she starts crying and says she’s being a bad wife and should go home. I tell her “nonsense” that it is just sex and young girls need good sex to be happy and good sex will make her a better wife to her husband.
I offered her some money to make her feel better and boy was that a mistake! She says her husband has a lot of money and she doesn’t need money but she does need sex because her husband doesn’t do it very often. What a turnaround,
tears to begging for it! I oblige! (several times) I can’t believe her husband even has a pulse cause this Thai woman is HOT! She looks wonderful and has tonnes of energy and could make ten guys happy. Maybe she has, but I don’t
judge list someone judge me eh?

We met about 4-5 more times when I was in Phuket but finally I had to cut her loose to fly on her own. I love women but I’m now sexual nightingale if you know what I mean. She’s ok with it and says she is a lot happier now than before. As
I leave for the last time she asks if I have any young friends interested in sex and I see that flash in her bright eyes and know she’s now enjoying sex like never before. I am her handy man!

Her request makes me want to tell you about my good friend who I can’t tell you his name. I will make a name up like I did for myself. There are lots of “Bart’s” eh? Sure, but “Blackest” obviously isn’t
my last name hahahaha. My friend is from Samoa. Have you ever seen a Samoan? They are very big people with dark skin and black eyes and very strong. They eat a lot too. I met Aha Wendigo (I call him Wendigo because he loves eating between
woman’s legs like crazy, and because two names is good eh?) in Canada which is far from the South Pacific but his brother owned an appliance store there. Actually it was a chain of appliance stores, a national chain. Aha always seemed
to have a lot of money too and we became fast friends. He has so many muscles across his chest I think you could draw a picture of Jacques Chirac on his chest with a marker and he could make his ears wiggle.. hahaha..

This is getting long but I want to tell you more about Aha and our adventures together and how we share my hobby. Maybe next time? Ok, I will give you a clue. He feels sorry for the wives of expats married to fat old men too! Everyone needs a hunting
partner eh? Next time I will tell you about the time we were in a club where a Thai lady was having her women's party before marriage? Her and her married Thai woman friends were having a boring time until Aha and me showed up. One wife
was drinking I think because she pulled out the waistband on his beach pants then looked and then exclaimed AHA!!! Everyone laughed and then we had a good time which I’ll tell you about next time I get a chance to right. Good bye.

Stickman's thoughts:

Oh dear…

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