Disgruntled And Dejected
I returned from my 3rd vacation to Thailand just before Christmas. I had a fantastic time, again. Let me just give you a brief background. I am 35 year old Norwegian (male) living in the Netherlands now for most of my life. I speak Dutch, English, Norwegian
fluently and Spanish to some degree. I pride myself on this.
My 1st visit was in 2004 with a buddy. We went to Bangkok and Koh Phangnan. I am NOT the cheap ass, backpacker, pill popping, FMP type. I highly enjoy the quieter beaches and relaxing with a beer and good food with the accompanying happy smoke.
What I got a taste for, of course, are the Thai (bar)girls. I have read with great interest your pieces on this matter. Most enlightening.
Now, getting to the subject of this long email. I know you must receive hundreds of emails every week with similar subjects.
I have gotten dejected and disgruntled after reading the Greenstar submissions. They are most enlightening, but has made me lose my positive, nearly jai yen-like, attitude after coming back.
I have made an effort trying to learn to speak Thai and try to understand Thai people. I first purchased the Lonely Planet Thai phrasebook and later the David Smith Thai language pack. Yes, I have run into plenty of the cognitive dissonance of Thais when I try to say something. Can't read it yet. Yes, I also get the usual standard compliment, "You speak good Thai!", from various people, sometimes it was sincere (I hope).
It would seem that I might as well forget trying to learn Thai, since the essays say that Thai people seem to not want farang to know their language, especially Thai women. I might as well forget try to get a Thai girl / wife for all the reasons mentioned in the essay 'Why I did not marry a Thai', among others.
I am reasonably good looking and a kind person, I have a good job (and pay), my own apartment and like to think I am intelligent. In all, not a loser in life. I was dumped in September after a year and a half in a difficult relationship. My ex is a beautiful woman of Javanese descent. Felt bad for a long time. The LOS fixed my 'ok hák', though.
I do have the same problem many men have. Low success with women. This is mainly due to a low confidence in this regard, rationally speaking not necessarily according to many and I know, but still there it is. I have learnt that it does not matter where in the world I am, I will always think and do the same way when it comes to women.
I read a very persuasive piece by another traveller to NEVER EVER drink with Thais as it just about always goes pear-shaped in the end. I have drunk on Koh Phangnan with some very friendly and sincere Thai guys, mai mii phanha. I could leave my digital camera and wallet while I was off swimming or going to the can.
I also met the most endearing massage woman on this same beach. We got to know each other over the days I was there. We did not kiss, did not have sex. We hugged after each massage session and talked. These lasted anywhere from 2.5 hours up to 4! Best massage I ever had. I even cried the first time…of relief. And the third time, too, now that I think of it.
I could never tell you all that happened in one email, but let me tell you this. She gave me something very special. How special I found out later. She gave me an amulet from Nakhon Si Thammarat, a real one. She said: it is only for men, is for good luck. I showed it to my new Thai friends. They were flabbergasted. One said 'I think Pii May loves you, Chris'. I think she gave it because I am giving two other amulets of hers to a Dutch friend and her daughter. Obligation, maybe?
I'll tell you, if you ever go to Koh Phangnan, go to Haad Yuan. Even Thai go there to get away from it all. Beautiful place, no cops.
What it comes down to is this: Should we farang men just forget about ever having something meaningful with a Thai woman? Can we ever become real friends with a Thai men? My own experiences seem to clash with a lot of the negative stories. Many times I want to request a transfer to our Bangkok office, since I love Bangkok, too. I have read the advice of living there for minimum a year, if you want to meet a 'good' Thai woman. I'm even working on becoming a Buddhist. Have been for some time, actually.
The girls in Gulliver's on Sukhumvit, my goodness, they made nearly drool, but I am not interested in living in the bargirls scene. I am smart enough to know I would get bored with it after a month. Not to mention broke.
So Stick, what is the deal? You live there, you have a Thai wife, you don't seem to have all the hassles so many speak of.
I am starting to think, maybe a Cambodian woman would be better. They work hard (traditionally), are less obsessed with status as far as I can determine.
Sorry for the rambling, I just to want to be happy.
Of course many guys are happy with a Thai woman. I think the key is in choosing the right girl and not making the mistakes that so many have before us. Quite simply, finding someone who is not dead set on getting a farang guy seems to be the way to go. So that means not going for the bargirls or the online girls who are keen to get a farang – often any farang. Find a Thai woman who just wants to meet a good-hearted, decent guy – then there is, in my mind, a higher chance that she will make a good wife.