Readers' Submissions

See Anything You Like More Than Yourself?



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


Was the educational line I heard one night while chatting over the tailgate of a pickup truck in the Nana Hotel parking lot while hookers and customers interacted a couple of years ago. With the passage of time we either survive here or get eaten by those smilers.

Sometimes Thais may say to you. "You are just here for cheap sex!" Of course we can respond by asking about their preference. Expensive or cheap? The fact is, for whatever reason we get opportunities for whatever kind of "entertainment' we want here?

Allow me to introduce one of the many fabulous characters one can meet in Pattaya. I'd like to present "Kuhn Short-time" a good pal of mine and a disciplined sex enthusiast. He makes it all simple for the ladies by paying 700 for one organism and 1,100 for two. He only uses the beer bars as he finds the gogos to be overpriced for the same thing. In his opinion the purchase is like ice cream buying. An impulse sale. He says that guys give themselves the illusion of finding a pickup by going to the gogos as it is just business anyway.

So maybe he means does Haagen-Dazs really taste better? He follows the same rules every time. He doesn't wait for her to come back to the bar so they can sell him drinks. He never touches a girl without giving her some compensation and smiles and laughs through the whole thing.

First comes a mutual shower so he is certain they are clean. Then maybe he'll laugh and suggest the love channel music for background effects. Why, he has even photographed some and gone to an internet shop to print out their picture prior to their next visit and tell them he knows they like him too much. Everyone has a laugh and no feelings are hurt and he has adopted an excellent solution to that girl who says "I want you finish now". He just goes another hour. That sort of shocked me as I always just stop and send them away with that remark but, hey, different strokes…

Some other guys do it different and I think it is up to each of us to learn our own style. But in the end we have to be honest with ourselves and ask what we want from it all because now we have control and they don't unless we hand it over…

I want to ask these guys who hand out business cards and try to meet up with them later to realise who is in charge then? You want her at 1 AM after 6 other guys and their coughs, etc?

Personally, I have tried most all approaches and have settled down with a lady from the bars who makes it easy for me to be myself. I relax and enjoy what I have left without being her "buffalo". If you have to ask what that is, please don't try anything but short time until you've seen the consequences of becoming the aforementioned beast.

At first we are tempted to try and buy love for whatever reason we have, be it therapy or revenge or whatever. If a beauty will stay with you and not fight and improve herself while not hitting you up for money then you have it made. Right now I do and have for nearly a year. That can change and we here have all the opportunities to heal and fast here.

I can honestly say I have the happiest time of my life at 61. One can have what they want and not go broke or crazier is how I feel now. I have a twenty year old who never gets angry and studies hard to get her schooling as I don't give extra money, but the tools to live if they want to be a girlfriend. I give mine 10,000 baht a month and she buys our food with it and is a great cook. She goes to AUA for 2000 a month and that's about it.

I can live for lower costs than out mongering and see doctors less often and never have that cough we are all so familiar with. Lucky me. Right now anyway…and at the end, I get to feel good about myself for getting them some education but, no fortune.

There are some rules I’ve learned at Stickman and living here that I think should be carved in stone.

1. At the first inexplicable temper tantrum, end it as it is all downhill from here.

2. We get intoxicated from their beauty and accents. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't worry about losing her, "You only lose your turn."

3. You are the only one who never leaves you. Don't let them rob you.

4. It's your life – live as you please as long as no one gets hurt…

5. And as a tribute to my hero, Dana, don't overpay!

6. They are actresses and the longer you keep them, the more power they have. Ever wonder why you are giving money to someone you have grown to hate? And, we are actors. Why be a bad actor?

7. When suffering from the loss of an "actress", soapy parlours afford you the opportunity to go there and let them do all the work so you can recover your power which has temporarily left you…a blessing, but get there early as they get lots of traffic and if you as superficial as me, the good looking ones have had many opportunities for catching a dose.

8. It 's all about the money, but if she likes you , the money ain't so bad…

Hey, if you are wondering what else to do between fun sessions it isn't so difficult. How about reading? Fitness? Renovating a condo for fun and profit? It's true we have to have more than sex, and you can do that here as well. I find being my age is ideal for living here, but would be anxious off the charts if I were young and not knowing where my retirement income would come from, but, I'm not.

This year I've been for a week in Hong Kong, toured Seam Reap, checked out Manila and taken some bus trips in Thailand. I don't get bored, but I do not drink and very seldom do I go to the bars. You can find what you need in the daylight here. Please enjoy and I hope you have as much joy as I do and don't lose yourself. Remain a happy sceptic.

Pattaya Gary

Stickman's thoughts:

That first rule is the biggy. At the first unwarranted tantrum, show them the door!!!