Not Me
As a first time visitor to Thailand and Pattaya I found it difficult to be one of the many middle aged men arriving at Bangkok airport and making my way to Pattaya. I arrived in Pattaya at midnight and immediately was blown away by the lively action around me. After checking in I decided to have a cautious wander around the block and tried to look as bored as possible.
After a few days here it is easy to stereotype the men visiting. There are the neat Americans, wearing nicely pressed tennis shorts and spotless white sneakers. There is the British man, either working class husband type or bold shaven and tattooed obnoxious type. There are the little, shy, fat and ugly guys having the time of their lives. Up the road a posse of mature senior men arrive on locally hired roadsters reliving their youth.
Yet, here I am. Pattaya. I have an excuse of course because I am here for dental work. Could have chosen any old place but no, I came to Pattaya, I could have chosen any hotel but I picked one right in the middle of the action with the excuse it was cheaper. So certainly I should fit one of the above stereotypes. It is bloody easy to be all self-righteous and opinionated about the place. Dirty old men having it on one more time. But it is too easy to classify what I see around me in this way.
The guys I talked to were actually pretty nice decent guys not so different from me or many of my friends. Yet, I feel discomfort when I observe the steady procession of middle aged men on their way to Walking Street to go shopping. But, I am here too, so maybe I should look at myself before I judge others. Why am I here? Why Pattaya? I'll be honest, and not use the dental work excuse.
This turns out to be a discovery journey for myself. In many areas I seem to be confronting myself, challenging set opinions and ideas. Last night it suddenly hit me. Pattaya is a retreat for men. No news here but I mean it differently. I see good old fashioned adverts inviting me to drink Jim Bean. I see people smoking in restaurants. Guys riding motorbikes without helmet and cars without seatbelts. Compared to my totally organised risk-free western life this place looks wild, promising, dangerous yet forgiving. Pattaya is one of the few places where men are allowed to be men without risking life or limb. It is a place where ugly guys become "hansum", where 20 year old goddesses are willing to spend time with you if you desire. A place where "up to you" means you are put back in control. <Don’t think you’re in control whatever you do! – Stick> Yes, at a price but some control nevertheless.
So where am I in all this? Happily married and a son. Great job, house, cars paid off, everything under control and perfectly organised. What the fxxk am I here for? I married my first girlfriend when I was 23 and she still is my wife. She is sweet, great looking and a great mum to my son. Physically very attractive, of slight build very similar to Asian women. Actually I am spoiled having her share her life with me. Yet, I am here. I never did the whole going out thing when I was young. A geek at the time, hiding from girls and the risk of being challenged.
A few nights back I did barfine this girl at FLB after quite a few Jim Beams. A cheerful girl and we did have a great time through the night and did everything with her that my wife is not up for. And no, I did not feel guilty, yes I did but… After a few days I believe I was right doing this. 20 years of marriage and not a single blowjob. Sex once a month and not always passionate. This girl did things to me I didn't know possible. The wife reluctantly let me go to my dental appointment but the instructions were clear. "Don't be like those dirty old men" Well, I did and to be honest I don't think she was entitled to make that demand.
But the thin veneer in Pattaya has peeled away for me. Two days ago I allowed myself to be maneuvered into a bar and before I know it I seemed to have bought a lady drink and an ugly pimpled mum with baby decided I should buy her a drink as well. Eeeewwwgg. I flopped down a 100 to pay for my drink and walked away without saying another word. Then in order to compare one Thai with another I barfined another girl that seemed pretty exiting. Well she was a kind person but the performance in bed was pretty bad and she wanted to sleep. I told here that if she was tired she should to home and sleep there so I paid her ST instead and send her packing.
There are still 5 days until I leave but I don't think I will barfine any more girls. The whole scene is not me. I realise that, when I hold a woman in my arms, I want to look deep into her eyes. I want to see her wanting me as much as I want her and that would be rare in Pattaya. Where before I saw beautiful Thai girls I now see women with very wide heads and no decent arse to hang on to, only keen to get to your money. So I am afraid this beginner will remain a beginner and no more than that. But this place is one hell of a ride that is for sure. The dental work was absolutely perfect and first rate service by the way. Never been treated better anywhere. So for me there will be great memories after this trip but no Pattaya blues.
Stickman's thoughts:
Yes, it does get boring!
