Readers' Submissions

What Do They Bring To The Table?



I’ve been through the mill with Thai women. Like many guys I did the bargirl thing when I first came here and I really enjoyed it. My first year living in Thailand was without a doubt the most fun period of my time in this crazy country. I didn’t know what was going on, or how the society worked, so everything was a huge learning curve. I would get immense satisfaction from the really small things in life, sitting at the diner in Foodland on Soi 5 and watching the humanity that passed through. Even waiting at the bus stop, this was before the skytrain was built, and watching the interaction of people (as well as secretly spying on the pretty ladies) was fun. Life was fun, and I had high hopes of meeting myself a nice Thai woman for a serious relationship.

And why shouldn’t I have had such high hopes? I was young, dressed well, was polite and could speak Thai to a decent enough standard. I was polite and always acted as a gentleman. Knowing what I know now, I was almost exactly what the average Thai woman was looking for, with the notable exception that I did not have a lot of money in those early days. I took buses because they were cheaper than taxis and I ate on the street because, you guessed it, it was about 1/3 to 1/4 of the price of much the same food served in more comfortable surroundings.

So I did the bargirl thing and got that out of my system. A few years passed by, the skytrain opened and I was ready to meet a decent woman. The sharks sensed it and I found myself popular.

The women most interested in me, or at least those I was meeting, were women from the country who had migrated to Bangkok looking for work. Some were educated and some were not, but all had a job, though few earned what could be called a decent salary.

Without wanting to sound crass, these women would “give themselves to me” and then move the relationship forward very fast, not just so they would be living with me – I never moved any in – but they would almost always bring conversation around to the topic of marriage. Women I had known less than two weeks wanted to settle down and get married.

Now this was way too fast for me and as someone who errs on the conservative side I was in absolutely no hurry to settle down with someone I barely knew. I was honest and told them that. Don’t move too fast, girl!

As I began to learn more and more about Thai women, and I guess women in general, I realized that they wanted the long term commitment. That is all very good and well, but I found myself asking these women the same question: What do you bring to the table?

Yes dear readers, I directly asked this question to some of the ladies. I asked them exactly this. What do you do for me? The disbelief on their faces was, in hindsight, rather amusing. It was as if they suddenly realized, that I realized, that Thai women do not necessarily offer anything special to a Western man.

So you see, I have a theory, and it goes like this. The average Western guy settling down with the average Thai woman is actually selling himself short. Not a popular thing to say in a forum like this where most guys put Thai women on a pedestal or are desperately searching for the ideal Thai woman with whom they hope to share a life.

Just like our friend who sent the question to Mark II said, these women offer little. They will clean, do the ironing and look after their man. A maid can be had for precious little in Thailand so that takes care of the apartment.

What else can you offer me? Now a gentleman doesn’t discuss bedroom antics so let’s skirt that topic and say that Thailand is a country where guys who aren’t in serious relationships can still get an itch scratched easily, and affordably. (Of course sex with someone you love is probably better than with someone who is doing it for the $$, but in time, it all becomes the same, routine and boring.)

Thai women do not believe they have to contribute to the costs involved in running a house or condo, and in fact most get quite upset at the thought that they have to contribute. That is all very well if you are wealthy, but I would respectfully suggest that a lot of Western men in Thailand, like me, are not. Now I have no problem with adopting the model that the man pays for everything and the women looks after the house, but laziness often means that while she agrees to do the housework, when it comes to it, it is not always done.

Have you ever dated a hi-so girl? I have dated a couple and have friends involved with some now. Ask your hi-so girlfriend to contribute to the costs of running a home and she will give you a look that could kill. And don't even think about asking her to at least do some housework to make up for you paying all bills and for all outings.

So many Thai women adopt the traditional ideas of the Thai family, in which the husband was considered the primary income-earner. But do they adopt the traditional role of their fore-sisters? I have my doubts!

Of course family is number one to Thai families and it is often the women who have to support the family. If your lady comes from a poor background, the requests for money may be never ending. She will struggle to extricate herself from these requests and may get caught in a no win situation. Sorry guys, it's women from poor backgrounds who we tend to get involved with. Even middle class Thais are poor compared to the average Western family. I am not opposed to helping out people in times of need but just why I should have to fund a family of no hopers I really do not know? And what about my folks? They're not rich? A few $$ a month could make a big difference to them too.

I look at my friends and colleagues who are married to Thai women and I pity them. I truly do. Most are stuck in a situation they are not at all happy about. She burns through chunks of his money and offers him little in return. In some relationships friends are involved in, sex is used to get what she wants. No new shoes = no sex!

What do Thai women bring to the table? I have yet to work it out.

I truly believe that the guys who have got it right are the sex tourists. They earn good money in the West and come to Thailand and enjoy the women, paying them a fair price for the service, before returning home and the whole cycle begins again. Harsh, but I believe they have got it right.

Thai women are gorgeous creatures and physically are highly desirable. I am just not convinced that they are the magical, mythical specimen many of your readers believe them to be. There are beautiful women in other countries who are the equal of Thai women physically but who DO bring something to the table.

Open your eyes, boys. There are 200+ countries out there and many have beautiful women who would love to meet a Western guy.

Stickman's thoughts:

Two submissions against Thai women in the same day. Do I see a trend developing here?!