We Created Them
My opinion, no-one has to agree, but I thought I would put it down since I have been reading this site.
Are these girls all bad? Lets face who created them; a quick look in the mirror will help with that answer – “Westerners”. I don’t believe many of these girls start out with the intension of ripping off people, but can you blame them the way they are treated? Lets shed some light on this “Westerner creates them” statement.
Most of the girls (not all) come from poor or broken families but are probably nice people prior to the exposure to the Thailand tourist and beneath the façade they still can be. So why do so many here seem to blame the girls for their own misery and loss of self-respect. Every one of us has the potential to create the lying, cheating, money grabbing monster you all write and complain about. Is she really the monster or are we. So how do you create her? Take a nice young girl from a poor family, may be sold to bar <NO, this does NOT happen in the farang areas – Stick> but mainly they voluntarily or under the influence of friends, sisters, brothers arrive in Bangkok / Pattaya etc, looking to better the life of her children, herself and that of her huge family.
You the Westerner (Farang), a couple of days with her, proclamations of everlasting love “It’s called lust by the way ”, presents, flowers, promises of a better life in the west. One or two weeks still with her, more promises then quickly on to the plane, off to the wife / girlfriend, next destination, new girl. This then followed by a few texts, emails with more promises. She’s left standing at the airport or in the hotel lobby hurting. How many planes would you watch in that situation before thinking "screw" you it’s my turn. So the monster is created, can you really blame her. Most just want a better life; the foreigner’s main objective seems to be sex.
Adding to this you arrive, throw around what is a month's pay to one of these girls in a single night on beer and food. You take her, brag about the money you earn in the west (remember the cost of living there, I still do, last tax return before leaving ahhhhh, it still haunts me). Within a week you are spending 10-20K on gold for her “think! Don’t be an idiot”, Remember engage the brain (The one in your skull), you probably spent 12 months saving hard for this trip. Stop it, yes presents in Thailand are important to the girls there family and all the relatives but in a week or so 20K+, are you insane? How long would you know a western girl before spending that amount, more then a few days I bet. Buy her a dress, a book, a cuddly toy, if she is pissed off there are a lot of other choices for you, less for her, back to the bar for her. Bet she does not walk away though, she does not want to go back to work for those 2 weeks you’re here and she may get her dream if she treads carefully. Spend 20K on her within a week or so and that’s it, she has you and the deceptions will start, the expectation is set in her mind, you will forever be an ATM. Remember you control the money, she does not. No comment on the people that loose thousands of dollars (especially those that do it on a credit card), wrong brain being used seems very common out here.
So you came here for your holiday, if single with your mates don’t make out you knew nothing about Thailand, most come with every intention to mess around with the girls. Ok you’re here for 2 weeks you meet the girls, what happens?
Scenario 1. She is recent to the bar industry (you’ll be lucky), after your 2 weeks she possibly genuinely likes you (read LIKES) and you’ll of given her loads of bullshit and promises then disappear never to be heard of again. She is now on the way to the hardened BG.
Scenario 2. She’s not new, enjoy the 2 weeks of fun, pay her the agreed amount, tip her if inclined, you enjoyed yourself. Listen to the bull she will feed you if that’s what you require her to do and walk away. Are you going to be the sucker that she can abuse for the next six months or so, your choice, don’t blame her you created her in scenario 1. Note to those that send money, you send money to her you are probably not the only one and she probably will still work, more money for her. You will get the emails and texts proclaiming love, stop the money, the contact will probably end too. My advice, never start the money thing or be prepared for the hurt that will eventually follow.
Am I anti bargirl? No I live with one or should I say an ex BG, I just took the time and effort to get to know her, then got her out of the bars and away from them. I had the time in Thailand to do this (A long story, may be I’ll write about it some time). We became friends long before any departure tax was paid. I took the time to understand her instead of paying her to jump into the sack. I then eventually made the decision to move and work in Thailand. Please note the average holiday is not long enough to do this. You could make a friend, spend time together, dinner, no sex (FAT CHANCE). Tell her the truth, you're on holiday, you saved all year for it, you're leaving in 2 weeks, it’s a financial arrangement with her. Not I’ll give you the earth, stay with you forever. She will give you what you want for the barfine and agreed compensation. Promising the earth and all the sweet talk, yep she has heard it all before and will give it back, but it will change nothing in her mind “fxxk and forget” that’s how they think.
In short money drives all this, it’s an economy in its own right. Just remember you’re the one with the money, she is not hence you created it. She wants your money and would take it without sleeping with you if you offered (test this if your crazy). Actually if you did this your more likely to meet the real person. So all the “I love you” within 3 days is just an experienced response by her and lust driving you. It takes far longer to work through the façade with one of these girls (a lot of disappointment and foreigner lies has really hardened her) but it can be done. In the end enjoy your holiday, have fun but don’t be insane, love does not come that quickly and why cause more emotional stress to yourself and possibly one of these girls, try being honest, she will not leave while you are financially rewarding her unless you really piss her off Notch up the experience, hurt no one be happy. Recommend do not piss them off really bad idea once they snap.
So look a little deeper at these girls, try talking with some of them, not just screwing them. Some are genuinely bad but a lot are just nice people in a hard life. It’s amazing once they truly talk, you may actually understand them, their culture and learn something. The truth is accepted by these girls, you’re on holiday having some fun, it’s a refreshing change for them to hear the truth, they know all the bullshit and will give it back if that’s your thing.
So lastly remember it’s financial, it’s lust on you part and a programmed response on theirs. To really know the girl it’s not a 2 week stint, it takes a long time, allot of patients a sensible attitude and a huge amount of one way compromise on your part, very little on theirs and allot of hurt (and allot of alcohol / food for her family / friends and relatives). Do yourself a favor read a book about cultural differences before you really get involved with one of these girls and definitely if you think you already have. Understand the differences before you make the leap it may well scare you off the whole idea. There are a couple of excellent book on cultural differences out there.
Final warning, remember you send her money when you're not there, you have to accept it she will probably still work what ever she tells you, more money for her. She may genuinely like you and see a future together but she is protecting herself and her family first, you may disappear at any time. Also don’t play the rich game (even if you are), you will never know how she really feels but she will know you are a prime target to be worked on. If you play the credit card rich game check yourself into an asylum when you get back to reality. Be forewarned money is the driver here, you may, will get burned, I have seen it, still see it, have met some of the poor suckers and almost felt sorry enough to warn / tell them what’s going on but don’t want the bar mafia after me. Remember pull one of these girls out of the bar, you are not going to be living near these bars if you have any chance to keep her and build a mutual trust. Take her oversea, some make it but in general I hear they fail, you have more chance adapting to Thailand then they do to the west you have experienced different countries and cultures, they have not.
So I’m not saying they are all good or all bad, every society has its own mix. What I believe is a lot of them we consider bad were created by the way people treat them. Treat these girls with respect and kindness and they will reciprocate it, you will have a great time. Lay yourself open to be abused by them and they will take their chance (human nature / survival instinct what ever you want to call it. They are trying to survive somewhere where they are given few opportunities and will use all their talents, gifts to do this. So a little rational thinking and sense with money goes a long way. Enjoy Thailand but be prepared.
Started with some awful generalisations, but I thought you ended with some decent points.