Stickman Readers' Submissions August 12th, 2006

Sounds Good To Me

There’s more than one reason why we fall in love so soon after coming to Thailand. The girls are beautiful with hard bodies, great figures and are charming as all get-out. They are young, available, ready and willing. What’s not to like?

The girls in America are also attractive and accessible. However, they know what they want and are not bashful about asking for it.

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More likely than not, they tell you what’s on their minds right away and what they expect from you.

One girl that I went out with only twice asked me if I wanted to get married.

What?’ I laughed. Are you proposing to me on our second date?’

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No. But if you don’t want to get married, let me know now so I don’t waste my time going out with you.’

How would I know, since I don’t even have a girlfriend.’

Just tell me. In the future, sometime, would you get married?’

Jeeze, this is an important decision, Can I think it over for a while?’

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A typical man-woman conversation in America.

The girls in Thailand, most never making it past grade school, are still smarter than the girls back home.

Thai girls figure out what you want first. They know what they want but let it rest until they think you are in a suitable state of euphoria. Which leads me to another great quote by my friend Jake in Cambodia.

They tell you what you want to hear. It sounds good, so you believe it.

Heck, it’s not hard to figure out what a man wants and it’s easy to offer it to him. Sweet words, no matter how far-fetched they may seem, play a big part in the start of a relationship in Thailand. We have all walked past beer
bars and have heard handsome man come here’ called out to us. Now, even though we know that they are seeking the thousand baht bills in our wallet, we must admit that it is a bit thrilling to have all these beauties available and inviting
us to sample their charms.

Most of the Thai girls or bargirls that I go out with start by putting their arms around me saying, I like you,’ looking me right in the eye or resting their head on my chest.

Well, I think to myself, that sounds reasonable enough.’

In the case of an older guy like me, the next thing that comes is – I don’t like young man, he butterfly, drink too much, go out too much.’ And then putting a small soft hand on my chest she says, 'You jai dee.
You have good heart. You take care me. I like you too much.’ This is pretty flattering coming from a twenty-two year old beauty.

They tell you what you want to hear and you have to admit that it does sound pretty good.

I have always been saved by the reality of looking in the mirror at night before I go to bed. Nope- my face, which looks like forty miles of bad road, has not miraculously changed into a double for Brad Pitt. These girls are so charming and
sound so sincere that if they kept it up they would have Boris Karloff thinking that he was Cary Grant.

So you can’t blame any guy for falling in love here -purchasing beer bars, buffalos and houses for their significant others.

As for me, I just keep in mind Jake's words of wisdom. They tell you what you want to hear. It sounds good so you believe it.

Sometimes when they tell you what they think you want to hear, they don’t always get it right. But they’re like the energizer bunny or the Timex watch advertisements. They just keep on ticking. My old girlfriend, Soopies, told
me that she wanted to live with me for a year, then get married and then after a year we would have children. It sounded all so very sensible and realistic.

However, I dislike kids. I certainly don’t want to have any and I much prefer to live with my two dogs. When I turned down what seemed like a great offer, Soopies was surprised, then baffled and then angry.

She had wasted months of her good time softening me up.

She continued to speak gently, not giving in just yet. We can start living together right now. I want to sleep with you every night, wake up with you every morning.’ Her arms were around me and her moist lips brushed my ear as she

It sounded tempting, very tempting indeed I have to admit. But I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We can buy a house together, move right in.’

Sure, I knew it. Buying a house together for a Thai girl means me paying for it, and for her- having it in her name. Soopies was not finished yet. Sometimes they have the adroitness to tell you what they think you don’t want to hear.
A few weeks later she came over my house to give me the next installment.

My darling. I have something very sad to tell you. I am almost out of of money and I must work to support my mother and daughter.

The only way I can make enough money is to work in a bar in Patong. Please don’t be mad at me if you see me there.

I must start this week.’

I knew for sure that Soopies thought too highly of herself to work in a mere bar. What?

Her stand around at a bar all night like goods on a shelf? No way that would happen. I also knew that she was free-lancing at the VIP Club across the street from Soi Bangla.

She was asking for and receiving five-thousand baht for the evening. Soopies was the last girl that I would be worried about making a living. She expected me to jump up, throw my arms in the air and shout, No, No, anything but that! Don’t
work in a bar.

How much money do you need to stay home?’

The best reply I could muster was, Really?’ Once again she was annoyed as hell.

I went to Cambodia with a buddy, Fat Larry, who for a guy from New York is incredibly naive. We picked up a couple of hookers in the Sharky Bar. The next day, over breakfast, Larry told me, You know that my girl graduated from the university
and is qualified to be an architect.’

What? Are you stupid or something?’ I asked.

It’s true. Her father passed away just as she was in her final semester and she was forced to become a prostitute to pay her father's debts and to support the family.’

Wake up and smell the coffee you moron.’

Listen Frank. I know she’s telling me the truth because she speaks such perfect English.’
And do you know how she learned to speak English so well?’ I leaned closer to him, raising my voice.

From f##king four-thousand farangs-that’s how!’

Now, do you think that Larry believed me or her? Her, of course. It’s Jake's theory. They tell you what you want to hear.

It sounds good so you believe it. And to this day, Fat Larry swears that every word of her story is true.

I received a phone call from my friend Gerald who has retired here from America. He was selling time shares in Patong, working six days a week, commission only but it’s low season- so no luck. His pension is not all that big and he
could use a few extra bucks. He has been casting around for a small business.

I told him that opening a business entailed spending a good deal of money to incorporate and obtain a work permit and pay taxes. He just called today to tell me he had it all solved. He has been dating a very nice Thai girl who offered to
help him.

Her plan is to open up a small tourist and travel stand. She would have all the paperwork done, open the stand and work in it.

All he would have to do is to put up fifty-thousand baht, then sit around and collect the money when it came in.

Sounds great,’ Gerald said.

You know what I told him -don’t you.

Stickman's thoughts:

The things that some guys believe are quite incredible.

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