Finally Discovering My Type
I don’t like football (soccer-style) much, even though I grew up in England and have attended a fair number of games over the years. I went more for the social activities and to have fun with mates than any real enjoyment of the game. Yet even
today, when the conversation turns to sports, and I’m asked “what team do you support?” it somehow seems easier to say “Arsenal” or “Newcastle” than “Actually, I don’t much care for
soccer at all”.
Since living in Thailand, I have realized that I have been avoiding the truth in another similar way all my life. Many times in my life I have been asked “So – what is your type?” when talking about women. I usually blurt out something about “legs” or “smile” or “humour” but if truth be known, I don’t think I really ever had a ‘type’. It was easier to say something, anything really, rather than “I don’t know” and start down a conversation path along the lines of “you mean you are nearly 50 and you don’t know what kind of women you like?” My type, if I ever had one, was “pretty”, that pretty much summed it up.
When I look back at the women I have known in the past 30 years, those that really touched my heart or I still remember with fondness many years after our parting, I can’t detect any type that distinguishes them. I’d like to think they were all at least attractive, but they range in type in just about every conceivable way. I have had intense long-lived relationships with three women who could not be more different in looks and personality – one a black lady from South Africa, the second a German ice-blond and the third a Chinese-Malay lady.
Along the way, and on my travels, I have enjoyed the company of small and tall, fair and dark, large-boned and slim and with huge variations in personality, intelligence, outlook, attitude and mannerisms. I have visited more than 70 countries and lived in a dozen, and sampled the ladies in just about all of them. I guess you could say I was not too fussy, but I don’t think that is fair – since I am confident that at the time I was with each of these women, I was proud to be in their company. In fact, somehow or other, and despite the fact that I am certainly nothing special in the looks department, I seem to have developed a reputation for always having a good looking girl on my arm. It is more accurate to say that I grabbed onto the closest good-looking girl I could at every possible moment of my life, without really caring much for a particular ‘type’.
Then, as I approach 50 and have the good fortune of having amassed a decent amount of wealth along my journey of life, I spend several months based in Bangkok and, after a time adjusting to an abundance of great-looking ladies for whom my age is not an issue, I finally discover that I do have a type after all.
When surrounded by so much choice every night of every week, you find yourself gravitating to a particular kind of look and personality – you don’t feel the need to just go with any good looking girl, because you know that in just a matter of hours you can find one you will probably like better. In fact, very soon after you become knowledgeable, relaxed and confident in Bangkok (and, it should be stressed, understand the rules as so well documented on Stickman’s reader submissions), you often find yourself in the somewhat preposterous position of rejecting the advances of ladies that in Farangland would have you in apoplexy to even be talking to. In any normal situation in any normal country you’d be ecstatic just to be breathing the same air as they are, or overjoyed just to be in close proximity to them, but in crazy Bangkok you wave them away.
You realize you have come a long way in a relatively short time in terms of taste and selecting a particular type of woman, especially when you accompany the regular stream of visitors as ‘newbies’ to town as their local guide and see them salivate over girls you barely find worth looking at anymore. You are amazed that they pick the first half-decent looking girl they see in their first gogo club or bar, and they seem content with their choice despite long evenings where much better options become available. You smile and realize you were like that once.
But now I have a type – I know what I like, revealed to me through a period of rapid experimentation and hedonistic activities involving 60 plus ladies in a period of 3-4 months. It has dawned on me that I absolutely prefer certain looks in women and quickly dismiss girls that I think have particular personalities, attitudes, foibles or characteristics. Suddenly, my life is transformed. I no longer settle for ‘pretty’ – I demand more – a lady who fits my ideal.
So – just what is my ideal type?
She has to be tall, but not taller than me. The closer she is in height to me (1.8m) the better. I don’t know why – I can’t explain some of these preferences, all I know is that given a large number of choices (which has been the case these past several months) I will choose tall over small every time. In an Asian country like Thailand, realizing that you like tall girls may seem to dramatically narrow your options and chances to meet someone you really like. But the rule of large numbers applies – there are just so many girls you can meet in Thailand, you will still meet large numbers of tall girls.
I have found that I’m really attracted to girls around the ages of 19-22, and especially those at University. I know what you are thinking (other than dirty old man) – are you crazy? These young girls are inexperienced, giggly, flighty and difficult to talk with. They are like children. And yes, that is certainly true of a very large percentage of young Thai girls – but I come back to the rule of large numbers again – in any 100 young girls in Thailand, at least 20 will NOT be inexperienced, giggly, flighty or completely stupid. I prefer their energy, their excitement at doing so many things for the first time, their tight, trim bodies and their youthful attitude. I even like the same music and movies as they do, as I pride myself on staying current in these areas and not get stuck in a rut of listening to only U2 for the rest of my life.
I have found so many Thai women even in their mid 20s to be jaded, seen it all, with a been there and done that attitude. They often seem to have hidden children, debts to clear, families to take care of, dark secrets, ex-husbands or boyfriends lurking around – they seem to just have more baggage and potential problems than the younger girls. They know all the tricks, all the ways to ease money out from the walking farang ATMs. They have seen too much of life already to have anything other than a forced smile on their faces, the younger girls still approach everything with enthusiasm and optimism, and have a more cheery disposition. They have yet to be spoiled by the brutal realities of life for most women in Thailand.
So, once I see that a girl is tall and young – I then focus on her other physical features as I get to know her personality. I love long hair, especially styled long hair. I don’t mind if it is all black or slightly lightened, but I am not so keen on the blonde looks some of the girls have nowadays (and which seems to appeal to the Japanese visitors).
Does she have a kind face? A lovely full smile with glowing teeth, oh, and dimples help too! I can’t say much about faces that I do like – I’m just not that good a writer or have a poor grasp of adjectives – but I do know what I don’t like – flat noses, prominent chins, hard features, scars, tiny beady eyes. I look for a happy face – a face that is welcoming and warm, but still sexy. And I never judge a face until I see one in the morning, without all that make-up on. Genuine beauty does not need make-up.
Forget the girls covered in tattoos. One or two tasteful tattoos in discrete places on the body is OK, none at all is better, but the current trend for Thai girls to get cheap and cheerful tattoos all over themselves is, in my opinion, disastrous. Piercings too don’t do much for me – I’m neutral on belly-button piercings, negative about any on the face or more sensitive areas, but kind of intrigued by tongue piercings.
I have often chosen girls that on first impressions I thought were slim, only to discover that Thai girls are masters at disguise, using high heels, certain types of clothing, the way they carry themselves and other techniques to mask birth scars, stretch marks, slight tummy bulges, large thighs, big butts and heavy calves. Only when you have seen your lady fully naked do you know for sure if she is slim or not, and I now know that I only really like slim girls but I also know I don’t care much for girls that are too slim – I really find matchstick legs unattractive.
I love long, shapely legs, small butts, violin style indentations in the small of the back and medium sized breasts. I don’t care much for huge ‘noms’, but I also prefer girls that at least have something you can get your hands around.
Then there is skin. Not just the color, but the feel. Smooth as silk, like fine satin – it is what makes Thai girls so special to me. I still see stunning western women on my travels, and I ‘m not one of those old Asia hands that say “if it isn’t brown, put it down”. Sometimes I think about chancing my arm and trying to pick one up, but then I lightly touch their skin and all such thoughts drift off. Nothing comes close to the feel of a Thai girl’s skin – once you experience touching and caressing such smoothness, nothing can come close ever again. It is like spicy food – once sampled it’s bloody hard to go back to eating the bland stuff. Thai girls must spend simply hours a day applying lotions and scrubbing – how else can such a thing of wonder exist?
I guess I have become fussy when it comes to skin color too. My Thai colleagues, and even many of the Thai girls I’m with, will pass favorable comments on very light skinned girls, but they don’t do anything for me. I find the pasty look very unappealing. But at the same time, I’m not really into the darker Thai girls much either. Not just because of the looks and stares you get around Bangkok (the shame factor!) but I just prefer light coffee colored skin to anything else. And the smell of her skin – does she smell gorgeous as you nuzzle into her neck, her aroma making you slightly light-headed? Does she make you want to breathe her in as you talk with her?
Only when you really get to know your girl do you discover other important pieces of information. Does she have a Brazilian wax? I’m a big fan, and my shaver comes out when I find a bush greeting me in the bed. From that point on, during all my relationships, things have been kept very neat and tidy down there! I don’t want to get into too many specifics about sexual technique, suffice it to say you know and she knows if you ‘clicked’ or not, and usually it takes more than a few sessions to tune into each others hot spots. I’ve had more than my fair share of stunning young Thai ladies, only to be very disappointed when I get them back to my room. Once, I recall, probably the best looking girl on Soi Cowboy at that time sat down on my bed when we got back to my room and told me a long list of things she does not do. I told her that one thing I don’t do is sleep with prima donnas and kicked her out. I just prefer those without any inhibitions who seriously get into the sex and who are not acting or avoiding anything. The “lady in the house, cook in the kitchen and whore in the bed” attitude works for me.
In recent years I seem to find myself going with girls who turn out to be really bi-sexual, and not just ‘pretend’ bi-sexual for a one night payment. True bi-sexual girls seem to be so much more in touch with their sexuality, and open to more experimentation and fun in bed. I have no proven technique I can share on how to find real bi-sexual girls. I have been lucky in that respect in recent times (and once you know one, it seems easier to find others), but never knew in all cases until some time into our relationship, when the news comes as a lovely surprise (usually as we end up in bed with another lovely young lady we met that night).
I have found true bi-sexual girls in Thailand are usually shy about revealing this fact to men – they are worried that it may actually make us like them less! If only they knew the truth! Only when they are confident in their relationship with you, and so much into you that they are thinking of ways to pleasure you and know by now that you do like the occasional threesome will they reveal their true identity. And how do you know they are really bi-sexual I hear you ask? Simple – if they ‘go down’ on another girl or let another girl ‘go down’ on them – they are truly bi-sexual and not just trying to impress.
Everything I have listed until now has been about looks, touch and smell. All somewhat superficial I suppose, but nevertheless very important. I’m sorry, but I just can’t get into girls who have the world’s greatest personalities but just don’t get my dick hard. But after a girl passes muster on all the above, it is her personality that makes her special, and usually totally unique.
And what have I discovered I like in my type of girl’s personality? Humor is absolutely top of the list. If she makes me laugh, if she laughs at me, with me and at my feeble attempts at joking around – she is instantly on a higher level. Most importantly, if she can withstand the constant digs and playful insults of my close friends without taking offence, or even better by dishing it right back at them, then she is a winner. It kind of goes without saying that this requires a reasonable grasp of English. I can’t sustain a relationship on a limited vocabulary, and my Thai is just not that good.
I also love girls that I feel I can have with me in every social situation without worrying about them or the reaction to her from the people I am with. A girl that is one of the boys on Friday night out, where she may be the only girl with us but no one complains or says a bad word about her being there. A girl who makes a big impression on my frequent visitors to Thailand, where they seem to get infatuated with her shortly after they meet. A girl with whom it is a pleasure to go shopping anywhere in Thailand (and I hate shopping). A girl I can take to a romantic dinner for two at a top restaurant in Bangkok one night, and then on to a Pattaya go-go and pick up one of the dancers on the next. A girl that I can bring along to a meeting with important Thai or Farang clients, and they will be charmed to meet her – if you find such a girl, you are a very lucky man. A girl with class, grace, charm, humor, knowledge, taste and a desire to learn is my type, my ideal. A girl who seems to be incredibly popular with her friends – this is a good guide to finding a good girl.
I don’t mind paying for my company. We all do in the end one way or the other anyway. I have money, the girls need money, they give me pleasure and enjoyment, I hope I give them experiences and fun too. I don’t mind my ladies asking for money, or expecting me to pick up the bills for nights out. I do mind girls who push too hard, ask for too much, come up with lame excuses about why they suddenly need a large amount of cash and don’t appreciate the money I do give them. I don’t much care for girls who come to expect the money no matter what, or who put me in awkward situations where I am expected to pay for something I was not warned about. In an ideal women, she uses some of the money I do give her for food for my apartment, for the occasional gift to me of a shirt or another personal item, to pay for incidentals like taxis when I don’t have the cash – the fact that she is using money she could have used on herself for us or on me shows her true feelings towards me and our relationship.
Does such an ideal girl exist, one who fits every aspect of my type, a type that I now know I like? I’m sure she does. Perhaps even my current girlfriend who comes close or is spot on in just about every one of my list of things I look for. Above all, I believe in the law of large numbers – if not her, then in Thailand you can be sure there will be another one along shortly who will fit the bill. And it is a lot of fun searching.
I'm not sure what to make of this.