Readers' Submissions

The Final Straw

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 13th, 2006
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

It's over 4 years since I discovered my husband had fallen for the charms of a Thai bar girl. Now after one revelation after another and so many unkept promises he has moved out of our home, abandoned me without apologising to his son who is devastated at his fathers rejection.

We had a loving marriage but because of a medical condition he was unable and unfeeling about having any more children. I love him even now after all this hurt. I even understand that the sex he is enjoying with her is probably lustful and without too much commitment.

He is 50 this year and has said to me he can't live without it and that after what he has done, how can I forgive him? He says he wishes he'd never met her but can't help but go back for more. I think there may be the complication of a child now as the man who was always withholding and prudish has lost all reason and is having unprotected sex because he is naive and throwing all sense to the wind for his pleasure.

He was such a good and loving husband and he was my best friend and I learnt to love him for himself even though he denied me a healthy sex life. I have never thought until now we would part and even before he disappeared again, he said he loved me.

He has been taken by the nose and seems so weak and unable to bring himself back to the family that loves him. I have now seen a solicitor and against my feelings for him and against my RC faith am now looking to end this marriage before he loses us our home. I can't believe there is nothing to be done over this horrendous problem across the world of Thai bargirls squirming their way into the lives of people who are just the same as them in that we love our husbands, children and that we work hard to survive.

At 54 I am now faced with so many problems to face on my own. Something as simple as replacing a light bulb, or the battery in the smoke alarm that started beeping at midnight and had to be removed. I found the stepladder and brought it downstairs and in the dark, because he never fixed the light fitting before he left, I climbed the ladder in tears because this should never be happening to us!

I will be told by the courts that as I am a teacher I have to go to work full-time to support myself and that I will never be able to manage the high mortgage he has left us with and so will have to sell our home of 19 years. With what is left I may be able to afford a flat which is not the home our son grew up in. I have no mum and my dad has little to support himself on. I have worked hard all my life and have lived by honest means. So why should I and the world sit by and let this scenario happen over and over again because it must be somehow made illegal. What about my rights?

All the web sites offer support and help for all the people affected by poverty, disaster, etc and rightly so but what about the women and facilities in the UK and elsewhere facing the pain and utter misery and frustration of being unable to do anything about their blindly in love errant men folk.

If nothing else, I want to find or start a website to highlight the situation and to offer somewhere for women and families to share and support each other. It can't be allowed to go on. There must be laws in Thailand that can stop the ease in which these men move in and start new lives. What can anyone do?

Marriage is a sacrament and is not something to be taken so lightly. Whatever happens to us in the end, he will never be really deep down happy with the new life he appears to have chosen. He needs the endorphin buzz but that won't last forever! Of course I'm raging on and on. This is the last ditch to say anything to find a way to stop all the madness, the misery, total misery. I will be okay even if I'm poor and unhoused but I still think about his future, because that is love, true love, not the sort she has for him.

Once he has no money where will he be with her then? We all know the answer to that. Another middle-aged old man regretting perhaps or maybe he will settle in Bangkok to Hong Kong and work and start a new life. After all he finds the far East exciting and interesting. shame some of us will find it difficult to afford the airfare!

Stickman's thoughts:

Maybe the readers have some advice for her? It seems a bit piss poor of him to leave without tidying up his affairs first.