Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts & Anecdotes Part 141

  • Written by Dana
  • July 29th, 2006
  • 9 min read


INTRODUCTION

Sex this and Sex that–
Everywhere the talk.
From people who are
Not walking the walk.

Lots of talk–
Little walk.
Lots of bragging–
Little shagging.

The lovers smile
And the braggers shout.
Confident Thai woman
And nervous farang lout.

Thai women
And farang men.
Unequal partners
Until the end–

Women so calm–
Comfortable with sex.
Men so nervous–
"Hey honey–look at my pecs."

So if you want
To impress
Your teeruk to be–

Forget more, try less
Forget me me me–
And just be.

It's only sex.
It's not a sin.
Relax like her
Then she'll let you in.

OPEN LETTER: DO WE MAKE TOO MUCH OF SEX IN THE WEST?

I don't know about you guys but I am starting to think that we make way too much of sex in the West; and by the West, I mean Farangland–wherever you are from. I'm from the US.

Let me give some examples:

1. I'm walking down Beach road in South Pattaya one afternoon around 2:30 and a nice looking woman at one of those open air bars just in front of the Walking Street sign waves me over. Over I go. I go to this open air bar complex every day so I have a high comfort level with the place. So over I go. It is her first day. She doesn't know where anything is or what she is doing or what to charge me for stuff. A bottle of water in the grocery is 6 baht. She doesn't know whether to charge me 100 baht or 50 baht or 30 baht. She doesn't know where the girls keep the games. I show her. She forgets the receipt. I help her make one out. It is kind of comical. Little tourist dramas of inclusion on a hot Pattaya afternoon. The temporary delusion of thinking you are more than a target. Maybe you are sharing some small human moments that will grow into something. And in the meantime your eyes roam like the navigation apparatus on a heat seeking missile. Face and figure that represents God working overtime. About thirty years old. Mature. I stand up and look over the counter to eyeball the rest. Holy suffering Jesus what a body.

She was beautiful and charming and vivacious and funny and smart. She had the manner and the deportment and the carriage and the confidence of an educated Hi-So woman. If someone had told me she had a Doctorate in Nuclear Physics I would have believed them. If someone had told me she hosted a Thai TV show about flower arranging in Buddhist temples I would have believed them. If someone told me she had an IQ of 164 and spent her days helping out in the Catholic orphanage I would have believed them. If someone told me that her hobby was translating Siamese stories of mythology into Latin I would have believed them. I would have believed anything anyone told me that illustrated the fact that she was an example of the most a human being can be and the most that a woman can be. Class and style and breeding and never a wrong decision made. I'd have believed any picture anyone painted.

Then she asked me if I wanted to go ‘Short Time'.

OK, I'm no virgin to the Pattaya scene but still it was kind of a shock. I had to do some fast regrouping in my mind. She didn't. She didn't have to do any regrouping in her mind. Yes, she was all of the things that I imagined she was but she was also a whore. And she had no problem with it.

I think maybe we might be making too much of sex in the West.

2. Another example: in the same bar complex I bring in a roast chicken everyday at 4:30 to a certain bar. The girls are having dinner and I contribute the chicken. It is a fun thing. One of the women is named Oh. She is wonderful and friendly and really just the salt of the earth. She has a fifteen year old child and a ten year old child and she is a good mother. Like I said, salt of the earth. She always has a big smile for me and hand feeds me and we talk. You just could not imagine a better woman. And she makes a living as a prostitute. She is a whore.

Hey, doesn't bother her. Just me I guess. My problem.

I think maybe we might be making too much of sex in the West.

4. Same bar complex again: There is another bar next to the one that Oh works at and there is a wonderful woman there that I spend time with every afternoon or early evening. We play those two bar games that you see everywhere. You know, the game where you throw the dice and then flip the flippers; and the other game where you slide the coins down from the top. Anyway, it is a regular thing with us. She looks out for me and we spend about thirty minutes playing games and talking. I am simply besotted with this woman. She is class and style and breeding in every pore of her wonderful charming lovely face. Intelligence radiates from her. I once ran into her outside of work because she had seen me and flagged me down just to say hello and out of the context of her bar I was just helpless. Could barely speak. Confronted with a saint I did not know what to do.

No, she is not a saint–she is a whore. Hey, doesn't bother her. I'm the one trying to deal with it.

Maybe we need to grow up in Farangland–maybe we are like children the way we make too much of sex.

5. Same bar complex again. A while ago at one of the little bars right next to the street I had met a woman named Tum and I had met a woman named Uri. Fell in love with Tum and fell in fun with Uri. Many happy times with both women which I still wish was a part of my life but both women have moved on. So I am familiar with the bar. And one of the women that was at the bar two years ago is still there. She is not by any stretch of the imagination a beauty. She is plain. She looks like the girl in school who would win the spelling contest or the science fair or who got 100% on every test she ever took. Not in a million years would you pick her out of a police lineup to be a dick sucker.

She has been at this very sexually aggressive and successfully active bar for at least to my knowledge two years. At least two years. Who knows? Maybe ten years. And she is not at a spelling bee or a science fair. She is a prostitute. Agrees with her just fine. She recognized me and we chatted about all of the times that I had come by in the past to pick up Uri or Tum. Not a stressed bone in her body or line in her face and couldn't have been more relaxed and congenial and easy going and pleasant. And she is a whore.

I don't know. Maybe it's me. Maybe it is all of us from Farangland. No wonder we look like such trout rising to the flies in this town. No wonder the women mock us. We look like headless chickens running around as if sex was new to us. We make way too much about this sex thing. We get made fun of because we earn it by acting foolish. We are not equal.

6. And last I should mention a woman named Fa that I have known for years in Pattaya. Fa is now in her early 40's and has been hooking her whole life. She has no boss, she has no debt, she only works about nine months per year, she travels the world, she dresses up every day, she delivers the goods and she does it with a smile. If you make too much of her beauty or her sexuality or of the wonderful sexual time you are having together you run the risk of having her mock you.

"Come on Farangman; grow up–it's only sex. Now get naked and put your hands on me and show me what you got. I'm a woman. What are you?"

I tell you the first time I got this mocking from Fa it really rocked me. But it also shocked me into the next stage of me. The stage of me that is more mature and more relaxed and more easy and fun for women to be with. Thank-you Fa.

So what is my conclusion? Well, my conclusion I am happy to report is my life. In the last couple of years I have gotten much much more relaxed about this whole sex thing. You might say I have grown up. Left the West behind. And the difference has been immediate and wonderful. You send out different vibes when you are relaxed. Unhurried. Confident. Patient. Not needy.

Result. My relations with Thai females are easier and better and more fun than ever. But I had to leave part of myself behind. I had to graduate to their level. If you see me in a bar I'm no longer hustling, or super smiling, or doing tricks, or making some kind of sexy eye contact, or all of the other little things that we farangs do because we just can't get over the idea that all of these beautiful women will take their clothes off and let you put it in. In fact sometimes when I am really in control I will monitor myself and actively try to get my heart rate down, and my blood pressure down, and my feet relaxed inside my shoes, and my voice level down, and my hands and my arms down. And that is when one of the quiet

confident solid salt of the earth intelligent wise smilers will say, "Hello hansum man"

Jesus, what a country! And the key is to zoom in on the fact that great sex with beautiful women is no big deal. Just go with it. Relax. Stop pushing. Stop selling. Stop needing. It's like everything else in life. If you look like you need it no one will give it to you. So relax–and don't let them see you sweat. Then something wonderful will be happening every day.

Chok dee
Dana

Stickman's thoughts:

No comments on submissions today as I am in a hurry, off to Pattaya.