Readers' Submissions

In The Soup

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 27th, 2006
  • 9 min read


The Primordial Soup Theory suggests that life began in a pond or ocean as a result of the combination of chemicals from the atmosphere and some form of energy to make amino acids, the building blocks of proteins, which would then evolve into all the species.

The Primordial Soup Theory states that life began in a warm pond / ocean from a combination of chemicals that forms amino acids, which then make proteins. This was supposed to happen at least 3.8 billion to 3.55 billion years ago, but is still seen in Bangkok today.

I went to Malaysia and I bought a business class ticket on Thai Airways. You know the thing that gives you fast track immigration and departure. At the airport, I enter the fast track departure lane with my retro designer backpack and my latest edition Puma sneakers. Wow, a real sweetheart I am. Dead cool with a touch on the gay side in Europe, a Khao San tramp in Thailand. I get turned down. No, you can't enter here Mister, go over there. I check: Long queue over there, I would wait about 15 minutes. I show them the ticket, but they don't bother looking at it. I walk towards the empty counter. They run after me. Big wah wah. Mister, this is only for Thai business and first class passengers (not for tramps). Well, I say I am a business class passenger. They look at me up and down. Mister, this counter is not for you. I show them my tickets again, but this time they look at the ticket and not at my backpack. Oh sorry Sir, please go ahead. When I walk ahead I hear them saying excuses to each other: Mai roo

I flew to Penang, what a shit place, I don't know how anybody can like it, but then they say the same about Bangkok too. It's probably a question of adaptation. I went there on a mission, on a v-mission, you know what I mean. Big mafia there, you can get what you want, it just costs money. You don't even need to go to the tc. The mafia hotel is at Penang road, the worst part of Georgetown. Well, the hotel is bad, but I like the manager, he cares for me. He even sent me an email after the tsunami, asking if I was still alive. He usually works for Japanese, so he is good. Japanese are much more fuzzy than we over tolerant Gajin. After his driver picks me from the airport, I am in my room. Big as a squash court, but I feel uncomfortable. I dislike Penang, I dislike the hotel, I can't even stand myself. I am a fish out of water.

It's late but I go out. Ten people approach me on the sidewalk. No, maybe twenty. Five of them katoeys. They touch me. I tell them to stay away from me, it does not help, I feel like the first night I walk down Sukhumvit, but then Sukhumvit is way more pleasant. I go up to a disco, empty. I talk to the young Chinese waitress, she is interested, but the manager pulls her away from me, I go home alone. Great.

Next day is hell, nothing to do, not even Internet. With a lot of effort, I establish a connection in my room, through the telephone line after trying to steal unsuccessfully some unsecured wireless from the nearby club. I get into the chat, Malaysia, Penang. Actually I brought work with me, but I don't feel like working at all. And a day without a girl? Jesus, it's like Keith Richards without a drink. I meet some girls online, but nothing really works out. They all talk in Malay, mostly guys anyway. At night I try the new discos on the upper Penang Road. It's a waste of time. I can go out in KL and Singapore and actually meet real people, but not here. It's too touristy. All I would get is a hooker. The next day I meet a Malaysian girl online, a bit dark but tall – she is in Bangkok on the weekend. I give her my phone number. Then she asks me questions like I am some piece of meat. I get a bit upset (what you don't like about other people you are or become) and I write a whole monologue for her, she never answers, probably she had blocked me. So finally I get what I came for and fly back to Bangkok.

When I arrive, I go straight on a date, like a junkie. A girl I met on Yahoo. The last day in Malaysia I spent in the Thai chat room. We meet at Central. Then she gets a call, her friend is in Central too. What a coincidence. Yeah, right. He comes to our table, he is gay. I think, well how is that. I have not been set up like that for a long long time. I want to get rid of him. The food is terrible by the way. The gay guy is lucky that he just drinks a fruit juice. It's the new Mediterranean restaurant and the Italian chef always sneaks around our table, constantly looking at the girl. She looks okay, but overdresses. We go down. On the way he asks where we are going. Well I wait to answer his question until we are out of the Central and I tell him: The girl and me go to a coffee shop and see you later, guy. Then I walk away. Now the girl does not know what to do. But I keep walking and he got the message. She runs after me. We are in the coffee shop now. We talk. Then I go to the counter. Another girl is approaching me. She really picked the right moment, grrr. I am handcuffed. Before I leave the coffee shop I give my name card to the girl at the counter and tell her discretely to give it to the girl who was chatting me up. I am lucky, she knows her. Then I take the girl I came with to my room. In the evening get a visitor from Europe, a German, a female friend sent him. I let him stay in my place. At ten I get a call from the girl I met at Central. Come to the 'Live Fire Club'. I am tired and I just send my German friend to replace me without informing her in advance, I just gave him her number. It's the law of retaliation. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. And besides that, I am really tired. He goes over there and comes back with a smile on his face. I ask him: What happened? Well, he says, she is a real salsa dancer, he says she is very good. Great. And did she ask about me? No, he says, but she gave him her email. I always thought Thai girls are interchangeable, but obviously I am too.

The next day I get an SMS from the girl I met in the Malay chat room. She has been in Bangkok two days already but now wants me to go have breakfast with her at 8 AM and then go up to her room to have Gin and Vodka drinks. I was thinking of going there, but then I could not get up so early. When I woke up at ten I read her messages: 7:20 AM Hi how are you 7:40 AM We are going to date right? I think she flew back at lunch. Sorry I missed her.

The German guy goes back and leaves me some pills behind, don't ask me why. Vigicer they are called, it's for people with narcolepsy. I try half, I feel very awake yes, but I can't have sex. What good is that. My TU girl calls the German and complains to him, she has to masturbate in the bathroom with the water pipe.

Today I get a call from a Swiss guy. He is a BKK amateur. That means, he comes here every 3 months for 2 weeks. Don't get me started about BKK amateurs. Everybody who comes here like this thinks he knows Thailand, but he knows nothing. Especially not Thai girls. He comes to see my new apartment before he goes on a blind date. We wait about an hour for the girl to arrive. You know what I tell him: Maybe I know her. This is a small world and I have been with many girls here. And voila, the girl arrives with a big car at my place, she gets out of the car and starts to scream. I thought maybe because she has a flat tire or something. Then she hugs me. I still don't know who she is. Then I realize, ah ok that one. My Swiss friend gets a little pale. Anyway, we all go to have dinner.

I knew her, but I kind of left her when she was asking me to have sex with her slave boyfriend. That was a little too much for me. Now she says, that her ex-boyfriend dates another girl I was seeing. The funny thing is that the Swiss guy knows that one too. Man, what a mess, a real Primordial soup. According to him, that girl gave him a blowjob after I introduced them. Anyway, after dinner we go back to my room. I can see the girl is hot, so I tell him to go for beers. He goes out and I start to kiss her. He comes back way too early and catches us with my face in her breasts. Of course she (not he) gets upset because I told her that he could not get in downstairs and we would be warned. So the evening is kind of over for me. I tell them to go out and have fun. Later I call him and ask what's going on. He says he is taking her to Nana, because she wanted to watch him do a girl. For a laugh I tell him to ask her if I can join. Ten minutes later he calls me and tells me that she wants to go home now. Things change quickly around here.


Stickman's thoughts:

You sure seem to be enjoying your life….but just be careful. Remember the chat we had over lunch that time when you talked about how too many girls can effect guys, although the reference there was to guys who pay. Well, I think it doesn't matter if a guy pays directly or not, this lifestyle can catch up with you… The slope is slippery!