Readers' Submissions

A Tribute To Casmeri



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I thoroughly enjoyed A Good Wife is Hard To Find by Casmeri. It was carefully thought out and clearly presented.

It got me to thinking that as much as I complain, rant and rave about dealing with Thai girls, I am still a lot better off here than in America. Having been here eight years I kind of forgot what the dating and marriage scene was like back home.

Casmeri's sentence, The rest are looking to marry a beast of burden, lit a bulb over my head. I had almost forgotten my ex-wife in America. After we were married, I felt that I was just a stepping stone to her or really a donkey used by her to get from one place to another.

I believe that she married me to get out of the house after college. Her parents were unpleasant and strict Italian Catholics to boot.

There would be no living together for us with out the benefit of holy matrimony. In the late 1950s and early 60s, marriage was the only way. Having graduated high school in the late 50s, we were all comfortable with this concept. It was the times that we were living in.

The songs on the radio in those days were like when we get married, my eyes adored you. These were true romantic love songs only to be replaced a few years later by songs like 'lay upon my big brass bed. Christ, don’t even think about the stupid sex rap songs the kids listen to now.

One may complain about Thai girls lying and cheating and taking possession of the house but that’s a slap on the wrist compared to getting divorced in America. I loved my wife with all of my heart – as men do Thai girls here – and I thought and expected that we would be together the rest of our lives. A few years after we were married, she started having sex with more than a few guys. Upwardly mobile was the way she thought of herself. If I had known her longer, I might have seen how completely self-absorbed she was, how self-concerned and selfish. No, I was blindly in love like Korski said. I bought her a new car and a mink coat. We went to Europe every year and lived the good life. She met a guy that owned a half dozen jewelry stores and heck, I was only a chef in a restaurant. Chefs in those days were just hard working stiffs with no prestige like today and she figured that her lifestyle was going to improve dramatically so goodbye Frank and hello to the good life.

She changed men like shoes, much like the girls here. So what’s the difference? When something like this happens, hearts are broken no matter what country you are in.

The difference is in the financial cost. Thank God we did not have children. As it was, she left me and still got a new car, her mink coat of course and we divided up all of our furniture and belongings. After we had made a list she said that she really did not want anything and would I like to purchase her half; talk about adding insult to injury.

I also had to pay for her lawyer and we split my bank account. And here I was only a few weeks ago complaining that I had to give my Thai girlfriend sixteen thousand baht to move out. Shame on me. I should have given her a big kiss and a gold chain to boot. Come to think of it now, I had this black American Negro girl living with me in America for a year. Now they say white people are racist but black people are racist too, even more so I think, possibly because they have been getting the short end of the stick for years. I told her she was racist and why was she going out with me because obviously I am white. You know what she said? All the black guys with money are either drug dealers or professional businessmen. I don’t want to go out with drug dealers and the legally successful black men all want to go out with white blondes. So here I am with you.

Talk about being brutally honest. I got sick and tired of her crap and guess what? Like the Thai girl that I had, she did not want to move out either. I need two thousand dollars if you want me to go. That’s for a month's rent and a month's security.

Now in America it's difficult to evict anyone. They will sue you at the drop of a hat. Luckily I had a duplex office at the restaurant that I was managing, so I said, I’m changing the locks in a week and I will not be here; better get your crap out while you can.

I ended up giving her a hundred bucks for the movers. The mover was a friend of hers and asked me how I felt about her leaving.

I said, today, I feel like the guy that bought the sailboat.

Later on I moved to New York City and started dating. Now if you think the girls here are piranhas – you have not hit the dating scene in the Big Apple. One thing the girls here and abroad have in common is that if you want a nice girl, you have to get them as soon as the get off the boat..er..bus. A few years in the city or at a girly bar will turn the sweetest little thing into a man-eater.

The nice part about Thailand is that when you ask a girl where she would like to go, she usually says up to you.

Ha! Not so at all in New York. I asked this stunning Haitian girl to have a drink with me and she said, Okay, lets meet at the Old King Cole Room. Jeeze, that’s in the St. Regis Hotel. There is no place more expensive in New York for drinks than at a hotel. It was our first date and I agreed. Then it seemed every time Ian Schrager opened a new hotel, we had to go there for drinks, or to the River Cafe or the Rainbow Room over looking Rockefeller Center. Now a drink is at least twelve bucks and you can't really cheap out and have just one so you are looking at a minimum of sixty bucks with tax and tip just for drinks after work. Dinner costs at least a hundred and twenty five dollars (if you are lucky) and you still have the cab fare to contend with.

So when my Thai girlfriend asks for spending money, I’m happy to hand over a thousand baht.

Leave a dollar or two tip in New York and you’ll be lucky to escape alive. Here – you are a big hero for a few bucks.

I have to laugh when my lady friends back home say to me, What do you have in common with a Thai girl half your age? What can you two possibly talk about? The answer is nothing of course but I always want to go on and tell these farang women. How about you?

What do you talk about? Some inane conversation you had with your hairdresser? Give me a break.

I can't count the number of nights that I sat having dinner with some farang girl while she babbled on about nothing. I’m sitting there waiting for it to be over so I can take her home and make boom-boom. Really-what do we men have in common with women and what do we talk about to each other? Nothing, that’s what.

That Haitian girl that I dated? I was crazy about her and was determined to take her to bed no matter how long I had to go out with her. Now three dates is usually the maximum for me, no going home with me in three dates – it's goodbye Frank; but in this case I was persistent.

I went out with this girl seven times before I got her home. Seven times! Think of the money I expended on all those fancy diners and at the clubs, Area, Xenon, Club A, Studio 54. Christ, it must have been a thousand dollars, easy. Here, if you see a beautiful girl, a real knock out, all you have to do is to hold up a few thousand baht and she’s yours. No muss, no fuss, no more nonsensical conversations, a done deal without having to make small talk. God, what a pleasure. A shallow view? Okay, you're right. I’m shallow. But ask any man if he disagrees with me.

Casmeri asks, Are these Thai cultural issues or universal gender issues? I vote for the latter and this is why.

The girls in New York are beautiful but tough. Like their Thai counterparts they are on the look out for big game. Meet a girl in a bar in New York and for sure she will ask what you do for a living. Of course they are evaluating your suitability. Are you good enough for them?

Now, I owned a restaurant and was doing okay – I thought. But no; not good enough for a beauty there. Investment banker is the only suitable answer. Stock broker? Naw, sorry not good enough. Vice President? Maybe if the company is Yahoo. One girl had the temerity to say to me, Where do you see yourself in five years from now? I said, By Christ, I hope it's not in some bar talking to stupid girls asking me dumb questions like this. First dates in America often turn out to be like job interviews.

Back in Thailand, watch the girls in the Banana Disco in Phuket, casting an appraising eye on every guy that comes in. You can spot these girls easy. They are at the bar on the left as you walk in and are dressed to the teeth, all very attractive. They don’t want to go out with me either. What are they looking for? A two-weeker with wide eyes and white shoes, a walking money machine that does not know the score yet.

The type of guys katoeys scramble over. My friend, fat Larry from New York, on his first night here took a katoey home and thought he was with a movie star until his friend gave him the bad news at breakfast.

But I really wanted to quote Casmeri again. Is it any wonder individuals like me are enamored of Thai women?

The girls in both countries could eat nails and spit rust but the Thais are so darn charming and sweet that you just don’t think of them as being able to stab you to death and then cut into a rare steak with the same knife – and they can – just like their sisters in America.

Thai girls whisper sweet things in your ear, put their arms around you and are always smiling. Who would not be enamored?

The girls in New York are haughty, conceited, snobbish, self-important and are also on the look out for their own personal ATM – just like here. The difference being that Thai girls are a whole lot sweeter. After living in America, how could you not help falling in love here or at least deeply in-like. The deviation between whores in Thailand and the ones in America is that here the hookers try to make it a girlfriend experience and are so charming that you really might fall in love. In America when you pay a hooker for sex she could care less if you live or die.

Thai girls will lie to you at the drop of a hat. They lie about the time of day for no reason. They wouldn’t know the truth if it bit them in the rear end as I have said many times.

Ouch, what was that?

That was the truth my darling, biting you in the a**.

Yes, but what does it mean-the truth? I don’t understand. Is there a word in Thai for this?

But when I stop and think about all of the girls that I dated back home, and it was more than a few – me owning a very popular restaurant.

As my friend said – was it Mr. Statler? – If you are a bartender, no matter what you look like, girls will want to go out with you.

I can't think of one of them that has not lied to me at one time or the other. So it's the same all over the world.

Okay, all you ladies out there, calm down, it's possible that men may tell a fib or two also.

To quote Casmeri again, I find their (Thai girls) approach to sex as a natural part of life wonderful.

Boy, ain't it the truth. All those girls in New York – all the ones that I had living with me, taking them all over the city – to restaurants, nightclubs and Broadway shows, all those gym memberships I paid for, leather pants, gold bracelets – no kidding, the same as here only more expensive.

All that and if I wanted to have sex in the morning or when I wanted to, it was always a big deal for them like they were doing me a favor.

In Thailand all I have to do is point to the bed and say boom-boom.

Thank you God. What a pleasure.

One more stroke of sagacity from The Casmeri Man – I became prey.

Wow, that’s great. They should stamp that in your passport on arrival to Thailand or hell, when your reach puberty. You Are Prey!

If more men understood this, the world would be a better place to live.

I will end my latest diatribe with many thanks to Casmeri for the loan of some of his words and thoughts, and for reminding me how easy we have it here, in spite of all my complaints.

Thanks Casmeri!


Stickman's thoughts:

Very nice indeed.