Dancing With Wolves, The Continuation Of No Passport To Success

July 2004

Did you see the film with a similar title? The red Indians consider the lone soldier a little crazy, especially because of his choice of friend. In their eyes he chose a low life creature, a pest in fact. But every creature is individual and even with a wolf it is possible for a strong bond to form and perhaps even love.

I chose a wolf to be my friend. When they are hungry they will kill and share with their pack. My wolf friend lived this way before she met me. But during 20 weeks living with me, her master (ha ha ha!) she had become a little soft. Well let’s say a wolf in sheep’s clothing because a wolf will always be a wolf, no matter how dressed up they appear. I heard a wise man comment “wolves will always repeat their behaviour patterns”. But I love this wolf; she is obedient and trusts her master.

A life changing moment happens one summer night. The wolf (Daughter) is caught with her guard down. Daughter has taken a couple of tablets, she doesn’t normally do this at home, and it is nightclub behaviour. Daughter is drunk and high, she is exposed and I want answers. I (Daddy) seize the opportunity to question her about the past. I haven’t thought too much about the consequences because I want the truth. The truth I got. When Pandora’s Box was opened I could see what I have denied, no longer can I look the other way. Daughter has awoken an angry and jealous monster! I forget 20 weeks of happiness because all I see is a cheat, liar, and a slut.

She had used me, pretending I was her man, taking my love and money, and sleeping with another man. I know Daughter had been good for 20 weeks and this had happened in our 3-month courtship before we lived together but the monster was grief stricken. Don’t forget I had high standards at that time; I would annihilate anyone that lied to me and cheated me. Now I can not control myself as I proceed to destroy all the material things gained together in 20 weeks. I was happy when the police came to stop this unruly mayhem. Calm follows the storm and I wonder about the future. Daughter is paranoid the police will come back and deport her because she is in England illegally. I no longer want her in this hour after the storm. We agree she should go back to London immediately and I drive her to Pom’s flat.

During the journey I struggle with my feelings of betrayal and I can not forgive her. I do not want another man to have her so do I still love her? I offer Daughter 1,000,000 baht on the condition that I will take her home to her family in Thailand. She thanks me but declines the offer saying that she thinks she can get more money by staying in England. Daughter tells me she loves me and does not want us to part. I give Daughter some money and say goodbye.

So one day bliss and the next is disaster. I try to analyze my situation and emotions. I always knew Daughter was a wolf and I like wolves but the only important thing was that of being faithful. I had given Daughter an opportunity at the very outset to be honest about another man. Me or him, but not both of us. One man, one woman. I understand about customers too before we lived together and I accepted this. Should I put the wolf down? I couldn’t do it; we don’t hurt animals in Farangland

There follows 12 weeks of uncertainty. I would guess we were together 24/7 half of this time. Some work and some fun although we never returned to our flat. Part of the time we shared accommodation with the girls in London and sometimes Daughter stayed with the girls without me. This proved very unproductive. Although Daughter was never without money she was now amongst “the pack of wolves” and feeling pressure to be like them. To her credit she had learned to be faithful. She done some naughty things and would waste some money but she was happy.

Our feelings of love for each other remained. Daughter’s recipe for life is “on the bed, love and money”. I have all three but Daughter required more money. If only I could give her enough. The money wasn’t a problem to me but I didn’t give big money. Firstly I want Daughter to be with me for who I am and second I can teach her how to make her own money. If Daughter chooses my way she will have a house, pick-up, money in bank, and Farang husband in three years. Slower, safer and surer – and an honest way too.

What I tell you now still troubles me to this day. Daughter suggests she go with man for money. I am not amused. Why I ask. She says she needs the money for debt 70,000 baht, money for family 35,000 baht (Dad unwell) and to save my money. I wonder at this point what universe she comes from. I gave the money instantly to prove once and for all time that the option of “working lady” was unacceptable in our relationship. We spent the next four days together during which time we visited the Thai temple in Wimbledon. Then I went to find some work for us.

I phoned Daughter at 2 PM. She said she was a little busy and to call back in one hour. With these words she concealed her deceit as she condemned herself to her chosen path and whatever reprisals I may decide to implement. I phoned at 3 PM and asked her to tell me a phone number from the newspaper. When she said she “later” I knew what was happening. At 5 PM I pleaded with her to stop but she said she must finish the day's work. I said I would see her when she finished work.

In retrospect it would have been far better for me to get drunk, forgive and forget and leave her forever; but hey Thai girls have something unique. Little boys like playing with fire and big boys like playing with Thai girls. Both get burned sometimes.

We met outside the tube and Daughter wore her Thai smile but she carried no remorse. As we went to the flat I discarded her “uniform” to a bin and the condoms I threw at her face, her smile had gone. “I bring you a beer, Daddy” she says in the flat.

I pour the contents all over her head and say to bring another. We are both afraid and I am so angry. I use my palm across her face, then again. I throw her across the room. This doesn’t ease my hurt so I use my foot. She is pinned down and petrified but I want her to feel as much pain as I am in, I need to give the pain back so I go to the kitchen, I know what knife I will use. My rage boils over! She had escaped as I got the knife. She jumped from the balcony and ran for her life. What have I become? I feel angry to the point of killing. How can her actions do this to me, is this being insane?

Now I feel I must find her, the other girls are hiding her somewhere. I want a conclusion. They are not talking but I am offered a new girlfriend. (What is going on?) I make contact with Daughter by phone just once and we are both repentant but she is afraid and confused. Daughter needs time before she will see me but I can’t wait. I meet her in the street. I traced her with the phone, so surprised, and she says “How you can find me, what you want from me?”

I reply, “I have no idea, I am sorry but I want a proper ending”.

What happened though was another beginning. Daughter demanded big money or she would be a “working lady” again. I think she was trying to justify her second betrayal to me. By this time I had become a better liar than Daughter and my moral standards were becoming lower. I was not man enough to admit my mistakes and misjudgment. I wanted revenge and I also still wanted Daughter. Is that a contradiction? Anyway, I lied about giving big money so she would live together again. The other thing I told her was if she were to betray me a third time she would see her cousin go to prison along with a few others and the rest of the girls would be going home. This was no lie and she did not want to be a catalyst in their demise so we have never returned to London to this day.

Late October 2004

Daughter is so happy with our new flat. “I have washing machine”, she exclaims! “Oh is lovely, thank you Daddy.” Here we live like before working together and enjoying life. Daughter paid me back the money I had given for her debt and her family from her wages. I took this as a sign of remorse and it helped me feel a little better. If I were to visit my child, Daughter would not go visit her friends like before, thereby avoiding temptation. We looked after each other very well and Daughter kept nothing secret from me. She had made a big mistake and now she is making amends. For 10 weeks we lived here very happily but in my mind I had thoughts of fear of what Daughter is capable of. I have no disrespect for a working girl but I loathe a girl who would betray me. (Daddy is now the villain because he can’t forget and says he will never forgive Daughter for betraying him).

What I did was send her back to her family in Thailand.

Daughter went without a fuss. She said “I go back because I love you, please come to me in Thai”. I liked her actions (words are cheap), but did she go because I lied about 500,000 baht I sent? A bank manager and I did the transaction in front of her but cancelled when she had gone! Did she go because she was scared of me? The only sure thing is that Daughter went home knowing it would be virtually impossible to come back without my help.

Now I have become like a wolf. I had a very good teacher but what will I do? Half wolf and half Farang, pre warned and pre armed, I hold all the aces! My only weakness is my love for my wolf. My only worry is will Daughter repeat her past behaviour?

February 2005

It is so hot and a lot of people young and old all smile at me! It is Udon Thani! Am I here because I love her or is it my curiosity that brings me here? I am in Thailand.

To be continued.

Stickman's thoughts:

Man, this is one warped story… Talk about watching a car crash in slow motion, this is it!