Bargirl Gripes Debunked: Shattering The Myths Of Whining Sex Tourists

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Those terrible mercenary money-grubbing Thai bargirls! How could they dare to deceive their farangs in shining armour? How could they lie about giving up the sex work to get their grubby paws on the hard-earned cash of farang sweethearts returned overseas? How could these young underprivileged Thai peasants fail to sincerely fall for the charms of balding, tubby, sex-mad Westerners? How could they turn down genuine offers of love from noble farangs? It’s downright inconceivable. The UN should impose sanctions immediately. George Bush should declare Thai bargirls part of a new axis of evil. It’s an absolute outrage and these perpetrators must be brought to justice at once!

Well, not really. Dare I play the devil’s advocate and suggest it is the farang sex tourists seeking emotional rescue. Some (not all, I hasten to add) are escaping their home cultures where, let’s face it, they are quite a few notches down the food chain. Their romantic prospects are grim, their expectations of their lovers unrealistically high but if they travel to the bars of Thailand and throw in a bit of Third World poverty to the equation, they can finally be studs! The only prerequisite is a wallet full of foreign currency. Now I don’t wish to disparage those Western men who may genuinely fall in love with Thai women, as opposed to prostitutes, but it is the sex tourists and their constant whinging and moaning about the ethics and behaviour of Thai bargirls in this column that strikes me as comically delusional on their part. Let’s examine their gripes and weigh them up against the reasons sex tourists might opt for easy bonking for minimal baht in South-East Asia:

BARGIRL GRIPES DEBUNKED:

THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY

I have some bad news so please sit down. The reason that young Asian bargirl is sleeping with you is not for your ageing Clint Eastwood charms or a sexual fetish for bald men but because she needs some cash to send back to support her family in the northern provinces. Or maybe just to earn a good living by Thai standards without the arduous work required in other limited employment options. The more she flatters your ego and satisfies your desires, the more you want her around. The more you want her around, the more you pay her. It’s just good business sense on her part and you knew at the beginning it was a business transaction so why later mistake it for love and try to change the rules? Affection is part of the value-added service. If your family lived below the poverty line, would you lie to get more money for their survival? No? Oh, you’d only sleep with prostitutes, not prostitute yourself? You’re still part of the prostitution business, just at the client end. Not a lofty place from which to be getting all morally superior.

THEY THROW CHILDISH TANTRUMS

Funny that! That’s what you get for going out with girls that are old enough to be your children, or younger. In some cases, they are still teenagers. In worse cases, they are still children. If you want emotional maturity, why not sleep with a woman your own age or older, perish the thought! You like their childish figures, the behaviour goes with it, I’m afraid.

THEY HAVE SECRET THAI BOYFRIENDS

Evil girls! Fancy wanting to go out with men their own age and from their own culture, rather than clients who pay them for their company. Of course, there are no farangs with wives or girlfriends back home and if they do have them, they make sure to disclose this to the bargirls first. They also disclose their bargirl dalliances with their wives and girlfriends when they return home. “Hi honey, I missed you, had a long flight, did an amazing elephant trek and you should have seen the young cutie I got to perform all my perversions on!” Why oh why, can’t these bargirls exhibit the same moral scruples?

THEY DON’T FIT INTO WESTERN CULTURE AFTER MARRIAGE

Well, you try living their traditional lives. You try learning their language and living your life according to their customs and beliefs. Some men show a lot of respect for their Thai spouses and their culture but those who try to transport their wives back home and expect her to do all the adapting may be a tad unreasonable expecting there not to be major problems.

THEY LOVE ONLY YOUR WALLET NOT YOU

Shock, horror, could they be using you? Aren’t you using them? You are attracted to their youth and submissive behaviour, unlike those arrogant Western women who won’t have a bar of you back home. You have menial jobs with no status in society at home, but here you expect to be king. You are only king of those who are deeply impoverished. As well as possibly having been hit with the ugly stick, maybe you are considered a little dull and uninteresting at home. Do you really think young Thai girls should find you attractive and captivating? Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Do you find women 10, 20 or 30 years older than you physically attractive? I suspect not. This is a business deal. You are buying their youth, submission and affection and as you certainly don’t have the former two qualities to trade yourself, you are compensating for the imbalance in cash. Not unlike some young handsome types who might chase an older woman for her money. You cannot accuse Thai bargirls of being shallow for wanting only your cash. Let's face it, your motives are just as shallow. You want only their looks, youth and submissive behaviour. If they judged you by your own shallow criteria of attractiveness instead of wealth, you wouldn't get a look-in. Best to leave this one alone, I'd say.

THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE

You are in Asia as a sex tourist because it is so cheap. How much would you have to be paid to dish out sexual favours to much older women? You get to sleep with young women who are prepared to accept very few baht because of their poverty only. Consider this: if these bargirls were equally as affluent as you (and that may not be very affluent by Western standards), do you think they would put out for you? Not a chance. It’s all economics. If they had comparable wealth and opportunity, you would be moaning they are as arrogant as Western women. Yes, there is always something wrong with the OTHER person if they don’t want to sleep with you on the strength of your studliness alone, isn’t there!

THEY ARE STUPID

Hmmm, their lack of education and extreme youth makes them not up to your level of conversation. You could always seek some intellectual stimulation from women of your own age or your own culture but maybe the reason you are in the Thai go-go bars to begin with is your lack of ability to charm the ladies in your home country who had the same education and possibly find you a bit of a moron or just plain socially inept. Perhaps you are not considered that intelligent and the women from your own culture considered YOU stupid. You’re here to dumb down and often from not very intellectual heights to begin with.

THEY LIE

She said she loved you. She pretended she was wild about having sex with you. She acted like she really cared. She lied! How could she? It’s totally unethical prostitute behaviour! Get real, guys. This is a country where corruption and graft rule every part of society and business. It’s just expected behaviour, especially where a buck is concerned. They need and/or want the cash badly and flattering your ego or playing your affections is standard business practice in this line of work. You return home and continue to shell out cash to make her wait for you. She doesn’t discourage it. Is this any different from the hotel staff who indulge your every need, submit to your complaints, fawn all over you, gush that they hope you enjoyed your stay and tell you they look forward to seeing you again? Is this false affection? Or just good business practice? Do hotel staff really care about you personally and look forward to seeing you again? Of course not. Do the retail staff who tell you how handsome you look in their clothes really mean it? Would you expect them to tell you the truth? Think about it. Business is about lies and deceptions, otherwise known as friendly customer service. It’s not about sincerity. Neither is prostitution. So why go looking for it there?

So dear Westerner, when you go to Thailand to fornicate on a budget, cut the delusions and pay up in good spirits. You are getting very cheap sex with young girls because of the economic misfortunes and corruption of another country. Have a look in the mirror and do an audit on who is really getting short-changed in your bargirl dealings. And before you fall in love with a prostitute and bemoan her lack of sincerity when you get stung, remember the Aesop’s fable of the scorpion and the frog.

A scorpion meets a frog on the bank of a river. The scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the river on his back but the frog asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion says, “Because if I do, I will die, too.” The frog accepts this proposition and sets out across the river but halfway across, the scorpion stings the frog. As the frog dies and they both begin to sink, he gasps to the scorpion “But why?” The scorpion replies, “Because it’s my nature.”

Stickman's thoughts:

A lot of good info, but a fair few generalisations too.