Stickman Readers' Submissions January 23rd, 2006

Bursting Bubbles

There’s been a few ‘good news’ stories of guys who claim they have a successful marriage to former sex industry workers on the site recently. I especially liked the guy from Birmingham who gets together with his mates for regular barbecues where they can all show off their former bargirls. Lovely!

I don’t know why, but today I’m in a bubble-bursting mood so I thought I’d put down a few thoughts on the subject. And my conclusion, it has to be said, is that from my experience it is virtually impossible to have a successful marriage with a (former) Thai bargirl. By successful I mean faithful. You might think she is being faithful, but in my experience your chances of keeping a (former) bargirl on the straight and narrow are practically nil.

He Clinic Bangkok

My experience? I’ve been here for ten years. Non-stop, pretty much, though I do go back to the UK a lot. I live in Bangkok. A great condo in Lang Suan. Most of my friends are long-term expats here. Real guys with real jobs. And any guy who lives in Thailand will tell you that just because a bargirl gets married doesn’t mean she stops seeing the guys she has already slept with. One of my mates has a girl who flies over from her husband in Seattle and goes straight around to his flat and into his bed. No guilt. None at all. That’s been going on for years. She had to have an abortion last year because she never uses a condom with him.

I’ve slept with three married women in Bangkok this month so far. All are Thais married to farangs. I am damn sure that their husbands have no idea what’s going on. I’m sure they tell all their friends that their wife is different, that she’s happy, that she’s faithful, that she loves them.

Let’s call them A, B and C.

CBD bangkok

“A” got married to an English guy two months ago and he’s sending her 40,000 baht a month until she gets her visa. He’s late forties, twice her age, and okay looking. Looks a bit like me, actually, which is why she said she married him! I see “A” whenever I want, and get to do whatever I want with her. It’s always been that way. And other than the first few times (she was dancing in Patpong) I haven’t paid her one baht. We have phone sex, text sex, and lots of real sex. I travel a lot to London on business and she tells me that if her visa comes through then whenever I go to London, she’ll see me. She says that if I get her pregnant, she’ll divorce him.

“B” danced in Nana Plaza ten years ago. She was quite a star and one of the first girls I met when I came to Thailand. I never barfined her back then. She married a Dutch guy who works in Saudi. He sends her all his wages and she decided how much his ex-wife and kids get! I have always kept in touch, because I know several members of her family. Every six months or so we’d have coffee. She has two great kids, a big house, a nice car. Everything she could want. And she still looks good. Not a stretch mark on her, tall, lithe, long black hair. She seems to get sexier as she gets older. Two weeks ago, I started flirting with her, just to see how she’d react. The following day she drove me to a short-time hotel and screwed me senseless. Not for money. I think because she just wanted to see if she could still turn a guy on. And yes, she can! She wants to see me again, and I’m happy enough to do that. She has no guilt. Zero.

I met “C” when I first came to Thailand, too. It was sort of love at first sight. She was dancing in Patpong and the first night she paid her own bar fine, paid for the short time hotel, and wouldn’t take any money from me. I know, it sounds crazy, but it happened. And anyone who has lived her for a long time will tell you the same thing has happened to him. It makes no sense, but sometimes the girl really does fall for a guy. I lost touch but we bumped into each other a few years back. Now she’s married to a French guy and has a kid with him. He’s away a lot and she runs his business for him in Bangkok. She has lots of money, a great house in Bangkok, a condo in Pattaya, a condo in Paris. And she texts me pretty much every day and screws my brains out twice a month when he’s out of town. He’s a nice guy. A great father. I dare say a great husband. He gives her everything she could want or need. But she has sex with me. And says she loves me.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing special about me. I’m middle-aged and I look my age, though I have my own hair and teeth. I’m no sexual athlete, and it’s definitely not about money. So why do they sleep with me? For sanuk. And because I understand them. And I talk to them. Really talk to them.

wonderland clinic

‘A’ gets pissed off because her husband tells her not to go out when he’s not in Bangkok. ‘B’ only married her husband for security. ‘C’ loves her husband but loves me more. Yes, you can marry these girls. But you never own them. And in my experience, they resent having to marry for security. And there’s a backlash against that. Me, I’m that backlash.

Do I care that I’m sleeping with their wives? No. They don’t understand Thailand. They don’t understand Thais. And they don’t understand Thai women. I’d say it’s their own fault for marrying girls that they once paid to have sex with.

Living in Thailand with your ex-bargirl wife doesn’t mean that your marriage will be any more successful. There’s a bar in Sukhumvit owned by an English guy. He’s okay-looking, middle-age, not very bright. He’s spent a lot of money doing the bar up and his wife runs it. She’s pretty, younger than him (obviously), and other than her tattoo you wouldn’t put her down as an obvious bargirl. The bar is doing fairly well and he’s given her a good life. He clearly worships the ground she walks on. So is this a successful marriage? My mate, who has only been in Thailand for three months, screws her, for free, on a regular basis. My mate isn’t any younger than her husband, is about the same in the looks department, has maybe a better line in chat, but she can’t get enough of him. She phones him up all the time, turns up at his flat, and makes it clear that he can have her any time he wants her. Everyone in the bar knows what’s going on, but he’s a farang and so he’s the outsider and so nobody will tell him. In my opinion, he’s got what he deserved. He’s one of the new wave of expats, guys who come here because of the sex industry, and if the sex industry screws them over, then that’s their own fault.

What about taking the girl out of Thailand? There are those that claim that your marriage has a better chance of succeeding if you take the girl back to your own country. Sadly, it doesn’t work out like that. I regularly see two married Thai girls back in the UK. One lives with an old man in Reading. Sad deluded guy who has wedding pictures all over his house, along with photographs of his local football team and his collection of vintage toy cars. Yes, I’ve been to his home. And into his bed. His wife gets a particular kick out of one of the photographs he has up on his wall as there he is with his wife and two bridesmaids and I’ve had sex with them all.

Another, who never worked in the bars, is about to get married to her third farang. All through her two previous marriages she slept with me, and nothing will change when she marries for the third time. I’m sure all three guys think that she’s different. But she isn’t.

I meet a lot of Thai girls married to guys in the UK, and I’ve never met one yet that I’ve felt would reject me if I made an approach. Generally I don’t because the sort who do marry farangs don’t tend to be the pick of the crop. But the opportunity is almost always there.

This is what the average short-term visitor (i.e. sex tourist) doesn’t get. These girls do not fall in love with the guys they marry. It’s not about love, it’s about security. So they’ll take security but continue to love, or screw, someone else. To them, it’s not a problem. The fact that they’re married won’t stop them fooling around with guys like me, because we give them something that they don’t get from their husbands. We understand them. And we talk to them in their own language.

Every guy who has lived in Thailand for more than a year or so will have a mobile phone full of numbers of girls who will screw for free, and most of them are either being supported by farangs overseas or are married. We have all been through phases of screwing the girls while they are on the phone to their husbands. I know, it’s terrible, but we have all done it. All you guys out there who phone their teeruks every night to check on what they’re doing, are you absolutely sure that she wasn’t on top of another guy while she was talking to you? Did she sound slightly out of breath? Nervous? Giggling a lot for no apparent reason?

So other than bursting bubbles, what’s the moral of this posting? There isn’t one really. But when you hear from a guy who claims to have a successful marriage to a (former) bargirl, I’d suggest you take it with a pinch of salt. He probably just doesn’t know what’s going on behind his back!

And if you’re one of the guys at a barbecue with a group of sad bastards and their ex-bargirl wives, take a sip at your imported Singha and take a long hard look at the girls around you. I can pretty much guarantee that most will be sleeping around. And at least half will have a Thai husband back in Thailand, possibly a kid that the farang doesn’t know about. And the other half will be looking around for a richer better-looking farang and will jump ship the first chance they get.

Stickman's thoughts:

I would endorse everything said in this submission as being spot on. Excellent submission.

nana plaza