Readers' Submissions

Why We Should Not Give Money To Our Thai Girlfriends

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 27th, 2005
  • 24 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Let’s start this submission with being honest to each other:

“I never dreamed of any enormity greater than I have committed. I never knew, and never shall know, a worse man than myself.”

Henry David Thoreau

Go to the bahtroom, take a good look in the mirror and I am quite sure, you can say the same thing about yourself. At least I can.

Yes, I had the honor to sleep with prostitutes (and I have done much worse things in my life). A “famous” (we call it “cervelat sausage famous”, because no Swiss is really famous except maybe Roger Federer) Swiss TV star once said: “You have not lived until you have paid for sex.” Well I have paid for sex several times in my life and I don’t really have a good excuse for doing that. “Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.” That I would not use as an excuse to visit a prostitute. Just make sure you plant enough flowers around yourself and take good care of them, so don’t get out of air. You will never need the oxygen mask again.

However, when you come new to a place, like Bangkok, it is understandable to use the services of prostitutes in your first days in the city. There is an oversupply of sex for sale at discount rates, and you know that every taxi or tuktuk driver in the city would take you to Patpong (or even better to his favorite massage parlor because he gets a commission) first, if you allow him his free will.

So you are new in Bangkok, you end up in Patpong, you maybe don’t want to go inside a strip club and sooner or later you end up sitting outside what you think is a more or less normal bar and sooner or later a nice girl will come to you and ask you if you wanna have a drink with her. Because you feel lonely, you might say yes, because in your eyes she looks too innocent to be a “real” prostitute. You talk to her, she will be funny and make you feel confident in this strange urban jungle we call Bangkok. You will take her to your hotel room, but in your heart you know she is a prostitute but you don’t really wanna think about that because she told you she likes you and you prefer to think that she does not just go with anybody. You prefer to think, if it was not me there with my lovely blue eyes, she would not have approached anybody else, no, she would have waited for me, Mr. Prince Charming. Maybe she told you that she is new in Bangkok and works there only because a friend called in sick or something silly like that. You prefer to believe it. And you know that you are in a third world country (at least that is what they equivocally call their film festival: The 3rd World Film Festival of Bangkok, 14-24 October 2005), so you think it expresses your multicultural attitude to pay for sex the next morning. You just help her and the little brother she needs to feed back home. This is excusable. Most of us western men here paid for sex when we arrived. We just did not want to know better.

That is why I don’t understand why expats who have lived in Bangkok for years and years still visit the strip clubs and take bar girls home, or go to some sleazy massage parlor. For me, this is not easily excusable anymore. If you are in a total mortal depression or you want to try things a normal girl would never do with you, go to the Eden club, have a chat with Marc and he will give you the medicine you need. “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it… I can resist everything but temptation” said Oscar Wilde. Have an Eden girl pissing on your back or do anything you were ever tempted to do, because you think that the only unnatural sex act is one which you cannot perform, so go for it. But when you have finished your graceful performance at the World Inn, take the back exit out of there and move on with your life.

In general, I think, if you only have half a brain (or maybe a heart instead of a wallet), you can easily find normal girls in Bangkok who will spend time with you for no money. They sleep with you because they feel something for you, they feel secure around you, or they just like your company because you make them laugh. It does not need to be the big love, maybe it is a mutual physical satisfaction and nothing more.

I would pardon the assignment of prostitutes more in the west, since the women have become so bitter there, so that it is even with an upbeat attitude very difficult to catch a partner for mutual fun or more. Also what adds to that is the continuing bombardment of sex in western TV and magazines. No wonder, many men go to prostitutes there, to relieve the constant pressure they are exposed to. I find it quite amusing that the women who dress in ultra light tank-tops and have like super low waistline jeans on with a G-string jumping out of their asses are the most uptight ones. It figures. They tease you the whole day but become angry when you want what they suggest they want to give. It is like that donkey who wants to catch the carrot but never gets it. Can you blame the donkey when he gets a little frustrated? I never went for these teasing girls because even I got one by accident, she was mostly a big disappointment in bed. It was like some unwritten rule: The sexier they dressed, the more they had issues with their sexuality. You know which girls I went for? The more unattractive ones, the bookworm ones, the ones almost nobody would go for in the first place. The ones who even in hot summer weather dress up with a raincoat. Well, I actually forgot who said it, it was some ancient Greek philosopher, I think it was Diogenes of Sinope who backed me up on this, because he said, “Well boy, don’t choose the beautiful women to go to bed with you. Chose the uglier ones, they will be starving and will do anything to please you.” That is true in the west, but as you know, in Thailand you can also choose the beautiful ones. They are all starving here, or maybe they all have just a very quick digestion. Something like that. Ah, I have an idea: Why don’t we try to set the western girls on a sticky rice diet? Side effects? Yes, it would improve their BMI too.

Of course it would be better if they tried everything else first, than go to a prostitute in the west, but to be honest, the men who live there pity me already, because they have to live in a men hostile environment, i.e. in a “normal western society”. Western women themselves have created the unwanted situation that many western men go to SEA, Africa and South America for sex tourism. If western women had a more playful attitude towards sex and love, if these women were a touch more feminine and didn't try to replace the man in their own house, their ex-husbands would not sit in Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. They would sit in Hannover, Liverpool and Detroit and would say to their un-divorced wives: “Thailand what? I don’t even like Asian girls, their legs are too short and their boobs are too small.”

Honestly, who would come to live here in the stuffy smog of Bangkok, if western girls were as playful and feminine as the Thai girls? Well, so these oh so clever western girls dug their own grave with their demanding and possessive post-feministic attitude. Now they complain why we western men prefer to have light-hearted Thai girls. When you enter any kind of relationship with a western girl, you feel like you have weights on your legs and soon you both will analyze every step you make in whatever direction you are going. If you two don’t have an orgasm at the same time, she will make you read therapy books about sex, if you do come together, she will accuse you of only using her as a sex toy. If she gets pregnant from you, then you can be really happy. You have just given her control of your life. The laws in Europe, especially in Switzerland where I come from, are so extremely pro-women, that in case your girl ever gets pregnant and leaves you, you will have to pay her about the amount per month an English teacher earns here in Bangkok. If you have been married or not before, does not matter much (just in the latter case of course you can lose much more – and the judge will not ask who has been unfaithful. These days are over.)

Have the European governments ever thought about why guys like me do not have children? Because guys like me just don’t wanna give up the rest of our lives for a small baby Statler. Yeah I would love to have a kid, but without the mother banning me to see it growing up and just use me as ATM. Actually I would prefer the opposite: To be a single dad would be a real cool idea. In Switzerland, when your girl or wife runs away, and in most cases, she will be mad at you (and the ex-wives/gfs will be mad at you for some reason otherwise you would not separate), you can only see the child every second weekend. I have a friend, and I swear to god, this is a true story now: I have a friend named Christopher. He is a 37 year old guy, very handsome, blonde and smart, looks something like the young Richard Chamberlain. He has a master degree in social science. I totally can vouch for the guy, and I have known him for 14 years. Once he had an affair with a Swiss girl. Or a fatal attraction as I would call it. I disliked the girl totally, she was a feminist lunatic. Somebody like the girl who shot Andy Warhol, I forgot her name. What was it? Valerie Solanas or something like that. Well his feminist girlfriend got pregnant, they separated a couple of months later (actually she started to screw an other guy). Because she totally disliked my friend for some unknown reasons (I personally think he is one of the sweetest, caring men I ever came across and if I would be a girl or gay, I would definitely have big crush on him) she fought for a very high child allowance and set him to a minimum visiting time for the child, i.e. every second weekend. But that was not enough, the last thing I heard is that she accused him of sexually molesting “her” daughter and the case is now pending. Since these cases take such a long time and need such an overwhelming evaluation process, he can not see his own daughter anymore. If he wants to see her, he needs to pay a supervisor from the Swiss government. Not only his good name goes down the drain, also this law suit is not free of charge, and of course, he needs to pay that supervisor too, I think around 3000 baht per hour. Maybe, the western governments have gone a touch too far giving the women all rights and us men none. Have they ever wondered why their birth rates are dropping? Yes, it is a bit expensive to raise a child in the west, but that is not the only reason…

Ah, sorry for digressing, western women are not the issue of this submission, but I just want to make my point that they themselves drive normal men to come to Thailand. Sure, we have totally abnormal men here too, sick men and terrible men, we all know that the scum of the earth is sometimes walking on Bangkok streets, but let’s leave them where they belong, enchained to their own wretched existence.

Let’s get on with the topic why you should not pay a Thai girl. But don’t forget to pay at the Eden club, or Monsieur Marc will not be happy with you! Actually he should get a medal, this man, because he is offering a very nice and fair service at affordable prices. If you go to an aquarium massage like Mona Lisa, you might pay the same and the stubborn, clumsy girl would even refuse a common sex position and most probably not even kiss you. But if you really want to use prostitutes, why don’t you use the best prostitutes in the world? They are right there in Sukhumvit Soi 7/1. Mr. Marc: My account number is xxxxxx-xx-x at the Vereinsbank in Zuerich. I think I have done enough advertising for the Eden club now. <I'll email my bank account details to him tooStick>

Anyway, let’s stop that for good. Prostitution is not a very bad thing (it is not a very good thing either), when it is clearly declared what it is and the girls are treated in a fair manner, by their pimps and by you. I repeat: Prostitution must be declared. I don’t know what to think of these girls hanging around in Rivas, Spasso and CM2, I guess you would call them freelancers. They should actually all wear a P-badge at all times, so everybody can see what they are. But I presume a guy with a half-healthy mind can figure it out. I have never taken a Thai girl from these places and I presume, they will name their price before they go back to the guys hotel room, so that would give the guy a good hint, what profession the girl really has, even she claims to work in a cosmetic shop during the day (which actually could be even true).

The worst kind of prostitution in my eyes is the one, which is not clearly declared. Thai girls nowadays are very consumeristic. The rising prosperity of Thailand (or the soon bursting pyramiding bubble) does not decrease the prostitution. Au contraire. The girls would like to have the newest mobile phone, they would like to have a perfect face with no spots, they would like to have trendy clothes and go for beach holidays every other weekend. Unfortunately these girls are still studying and have to live off a parents allowance from 2,000-8,000 baht a month. Well, you don’t get far with that. Some get a part time job, which brings in 4,000 baht more. But why not earn 4,000 baht a weekend, by just sleeping in a luxurious hotel bedroom with a well mannered western guy? I forgot where I got it from – The Nation or the Bangkok Post, but they really feared that up to 40% of all Thai students have sex with guys for money. That means they date Thai or western guys who sponsor their materialistic desires. Of course they have a normal boyfriend, but they would not ask him for money, because they would be ashamed of themselves. In my submission “Nadja, John and me” I described such a double-faced girl. Well, I did not give her any money and that was in the long term the reason she left me. I tried to convince her to abandon her consumeristic behavior, but I did not quite succeed, because she found easily many older guys who are willing to oversee that flaw of hers and give her the money she needed to spend on her beautification. I always had the impression that one should improve the moral character first. How can a new and shiny clothes fit you, when you are still wearing your dirty old self? But I may be out of fashion reciting Thoreau again:

“A man who has at length found something to do will not need to get a new suit to do it in; for him the old will do, that has lain dusty in the garret for an indeterminate period. Old shoes will serve a hero longer than they have served his valet — if a hero ever has a valet — bare feet are older than shoes, and he can make them do. Only they who go to soires and legislative balls must have new coats, coats to change as often as the man changes in them. But if my jacket and trousers, my hat and shoes, are fit to worship God in, they will do; will they not? Who ever saw his old clothes — his old coat, actually worn out, resolved into its primitive elements, so that it was not a deed of charity to bestow it on some poor boy, by him perchance to be bestowed on some poorer still, or shall we say richer, who could do with less? I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes. If there is not a new man, how can the new clothes be made to fit? If you have any enterprise before you, try it in your old clothes. All men want, not something to do with, but something to do, or rather something to be. Perhaps we should never procure a new suit, however ragged or dirty the old, until we have so conducted, so enterprised or sailed in some way, that we feel like new men in the old, and that to retain it would be like keeping new wine in old bottles. Our moulting season, like that of the fowls, must be a crisis in our lives. The loon retires to solitary ponds to spend it. Thus also the snake casts its slough, and the caterpillar its wormy coat, by an internal industry and expansion; for clothes are but our outmost cuticle and mortal coil. Otherwise we shall be found sailing under false colors, and be inevitably cashiered at last by our own opinion, as well as that of mankind.”

“When I ask for a garment of a particular form, my tailoress tells me gravely, "They do not make them so now," not emphasizing the "They" at all, as if she quoted an authority as impersonal as the Fates, and I find it difficult to get made what I want, simply because she cannot believe that I mean what I say, that I am so rash. When I hear this oracular sentence, I am for a moment absorbed in thought, emphasizing to myself each word separately that I may come at the meaning of it, that I may find out by what degree of consanguinity They are related to me, and what authority they may have in an affair which affects me so nearly; and, finally, I am inclined to answer her with equal mystery, and without any more emphasis of the "they" — "It is true, they did not make them so recently, but they do now." Of what use this measuring of me if she does not measure my character, but only the breadth of my shoulders, as it were a peg to bang the coat on? We worship not the Graces, nor the Parcae, but Fashion. She spins and weaves and cuts with full authority. The head monkey at Paris puts on a traveller's cap, and all the monkeys in America do the same.”

(and we have a lot of monkeys in Thailand duai)

“On the whole, I think that it cannot be maintained that dressing has in this or any country risen to the dignity of an art. At present men make shift to wear what they can get. Like shipwrecked sailors, they put on what they can find on the beach, and at a little distance, whether of space or time, laugh at each other's masquerade. Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. We are amused at beholding the costume of Henry VIII, or Queen Elizabeth, as much as if it was that of the King and Queen of the Cannibal Islands. All costume off a man is pitiful or grotesque. It is only the serious eye peering from and the sincere life passed within it which restrain laughter and consecrate the costume of any people. Let Harlequin be taken with a fit of the colic and his trappings will have to serve that mood too. When the soldier is hit by a cannonball, rags are as becoming as purple.”

Do you know why I torture you and let you read all this? Because consumption is no road to happiness. Mankind knows it for 2500 years, you know it yourself, so you should not take advantage of an immature person's materialistic desires. Thai university girls can normally live with the money their parents give them. They have a different way of spending their money than you do. There is no need to feel pity for them either if they live in a shabby apartment with some friends, because for them it is not a shabby apartment. They just focus on different things. You may go out in a un-ironed T-Shirt, a thing they would never do. But as you don’t care about your un-ironed T-Shirt, they don’t care about how they have to live, as long they have a fancy outfit to present. But: A Harrods bag will not make them happier. A Clinique whitening cream will not make their face look more beautiful. If you have such a materialistic girlfriend, let her go. She is not worth your companionship. You will not be able to convince her to curb her materialistic desire. If you give such a girl money, you are only feeding her materialistic addiction. If you give a University girl money, you just corrupt her to become an “undeclared” prostitute. Because she will learn that it is easier to find a western guy to have sex with than to go out and find a job. Thai guys don’t give their girlfriends money. Understand? They don’t – why should you? Thai girl and Thai boy share their expenses. It is okay if you pay her lunch, if you pay her the cinema. You are a gentlemen. Fine. The places you go to eat she simply can’t afford to invite you. That is okay. But if your girl comes up with the nonsense that you should give her money to support her education, family or whatever, then she just wants to use you as a cash cow and you should start running away from her. Actually we are digging our own graves by giving normal Thai girls money. We are ruining the light hearted love sanctuary here. In a few years time, we maybe won’t find playful Thai girls anymore who just sleep with us for the fun of it. We drill them to ask money from us. That, my dear friends, is wrong. To the snakeheads (“dirty old men”) I would say: Stay away from normal girls. Don’t debauch them with your foul-smelling moola. Go get a real prostitute or even better: Grow up! If I am 45 or 50, I pray to God on my knees already that I will be then in no need of a 20 year old Thai school girl. I hope that my life would have been satisfying enough so that I don’t have to play catch up in a threshold (2nd, 3rd world whatever) country.

It is like development aid: Do you think that any development aid ever helped the people of any nation? It created more dependence and it only fed corruption and never tackled the basic problems of the country. And corruption is actually worse than prostitution. The prostitution might endanger the morals of an individual, while corruption compromises the morals of the entire country. The recent abatement of debt, pushed forward by some publicity hungry individuals like Tony Blair, Bono and Bob Geldorf just tells these countries: Well all right, we just have to play the handicapped children role and the richer nations and they will always look after us. We never have to grow up. Actually, all the development aid just helps the corrupt governments to stay in power.

Andrew Mwenda is political editor of the Monitor newspaper in Uganda. He is telling you this:

“Tony Blair has the wrong prognosis of the African problem. It is not true that African governments lack the resources to generate revenue in the form of taxes to pay for health, education and infrastructure.

An example: Donors through foreign aid contribute up to 50% of Uganda's budget. Both because of tax evasion and because of the large number of sectors exempted from tax, the Ugandan government receives only about half of the revenue it could. The rich, powerful and politically well-connected do not pay taxes!

Taxation is a politically explosive issue. Why would any government antagonise its own allies in the name of tax collection when Mr Tony Blair and Mr Gordon Brown are willing to give them the money?

In addition, African governments are also not responsive to the needs of their own, indigenous private enterprise. There are plenty of people in Africa trying to make money. But the governments are more responsive to the requirements of the international donor community.

What Mr Blair is doing is one of the biggest disservices to the African continent. In his own naivety, he will achieve short-term humanitarian objectives, but only at the cost of making African governments accountable to their own people.

What could he do? By pegging debt relief on export performance, then we could force these countries to perform better. What Mr Blair is doing is giving these countries – these corrupt dictators – a blank cheque.”

You do quite the same, when you give a Thai girl money. You don’t solve her problems. If she has a drug addicted brother, he won’t stop taking drugs because you have given your girl money, if the father of your girl gambles all the money away his wife earns, he will not change his habit when you give his daughter money. He will be happy and thank you for doing that, because then he can even spend a greater amount of money in his gambles and you just took the pressure off him to change his habit.

But of course, this is not your problem, you just feel rejuvenated when you can touch that 20 year old girl's soft honey skin and forget about your wretched life for a minute or two. Of course we have some Bangkok Cowboys with Hollywood star attitudes who would say: “I don’t pay my girl for sex, I pay her to leave the next morning.” To these fine gentlemen I would simply say: You should treat your girl like a princess and not like a whore.

P.S. As it would be a sign, just when I finished this text I got a SMS from female friend named Ling. It said all in a few sentences what I was unavailingly trying to tell you in last 4550 words:

“thank you na ka for lunch and a flower. I like you so much because you are always so warm and nice with me (even you do the same with other girl :-P) I remember we are gig na. don’t work late na. find something to eat for your dinner before. Goodnight and sweet dream jaa. Kisses & hugs. Ling”

Stickman's thoughts:

I agree with your message wholeheartedly. We are already seeing the results of money being thrown away willy nilly.