Readers' Submissions

Short Man Response



It is fairly obvious that you don’t speak and write English as a first language. The letters that you provide have the some of the same grammatical differences. Enough to lead me to believe the author of the article and the letters is the same person. I am 60 years old, bald, pot bellied and five foot three. Most recently I stayed in Pattaya, Bangkok and Chiang Mai for one month in May of 2005 and moved to Thailand in August of 2005.

On to my first point, that is, English as a first language.

“Even shop lady cashiers were all business.”

An English speaking person would have said “The lady cashiers were all business.”

“I also made sure to wear my best smile and best behavior to the bars.” Men don’t talk like this, not Americans, Aussies or Brits.

“I did eventually barfine a couple of beer bar girls. I would take them to dinner, movies, and even buy them presents. What did I get in return? Each and every lady was a total STARFISH with me. Most of them even reneged on long-time (turning it into short-time) All in all, I was treated very poorly by these Thai bargirls.”

I have been to Pattaya a number of times. And it don’t make no difference if you are short or tall or bald or slim or fat or in a wheelchair if you have money you will get serviced. You may not get the feature entertainer but you will get a bevy of beautiful women.

Starfish hell. Ya, some of the chicks will gag during Yum Yum and some even pretend they don’t like Ow Ow. But with just a little perseverance you will get anything you want.

One of the most beautiful women I have ever met called me yesterday and confided in me that she had to take a 300 pound African home for short time because he was the only man who offered to bar fine her that night. And she likes Japanese men because she has such small equipment down there and it really hurt her but what you gonna do momma needs rice.

My first thought is you are very dark skinned from India. My second thought is you are very dark skinned from Singapore and think you speak English.

So, add to you’re short equation I am dark skinned, have a short complex and think the world is against me. Couple that with the fact that you don’t get any good looking girls at home and probably wear polyester clothing and you may have a point.

But, hell don’t give up. My suggestions are as follows.

1. Get a short haircut.

2. Buy some gold, guys from Singapore always have a lot of gold. Maybe even a Buddha charm around your neck and tie a couple of strings around your right wrist.

3. Get rid of the polyester clothes and buy some good cotton stuff.

4. Buy some new shoes and wear socks this time.

5. Remember Thai women don’t like shorts.

6. Try learning a little Thai, 60 words should be plenty.

7. Get rid of the pimples. Go to a skin doctor or whatever they have where you are located and get rid of the pimples. No one likes red pustules popping all over the place.

8. Thai women like small dicks so you won’t have to go the penis pump routine just forget about your size problems down there you are OK.

9. I know without asking you don’t like to eat pussy. But you are going to have to learn how. Thai women are no different than any other women they love to have some oral attention down there. I would tell you how to eat pussy but I plan on writing a book on the subject so I will let that one ride.

10. Fingering is another learned skill. Some basic anatomy with attention to the G spot will get you there. Getting a manicure would be a good idea too.

11. Buy and bring a vibrator. The little pocket rocket is a good choice if you like Ow Ow cause she can use that while you are doing your backdoor thing or if you like to give her a few before you get yours the silver dong works pretty good. Thai women seem to like the gold colored silver dong better. You won't get any starfish doing the backdoor thing.

12. If you have a lot of body hair get it waxed.

Although I personally think Pattaya is a wonderful spot you may have some bad Karma there. I would suggest the Nana Plaza parking lot trip next time.

I know you may have some hygienic problems with eating pussy from the Nana Parking lot but if you sit in the bar at the corner you might just catch a fresh one. Or you can try the lime test. Have some drinks in the room with limes in them and squeeze a little lime juice on your fingers. Try putting it in and if she screams then don’t continue with the oral stuff.

Now if all of the above does not work just email me. I’ll personally meet you in Bangkok and give you the “I can’t believe this is happening to me tour”. This is not a cheap tour and you will have to pay for the girls and the drinks. But I am willing to give you a money back guarantee that every night you will have wild exotic sex with at least three women who look better than Miss Thailand (and actually speak Thai) or your money back no questions asked. Just a couple of details. I like to stay at the Landmark and of course you are paying. Oh and by the way I like guys from India and Singapore. If, however you are Italian all bets are off. Even I can’t help an Italian in Thailand.

Stickman's thoughts:

I had to chuckle….but in all seriousness, I was curious about the initial emails being genuine too…