Hoping For A Happy Ending
I will not say I have read all of the submissions to Stickman’s site, far from it. But from all the different stories I have read, I am now even more confused about my situation. “Good” ladies gone bad, “bad” (read bar)
girls gone good, bargirls, prostitutes, office workers, light skinned Bangkok girls, dark skinned Isaan ladies, and every colour in between. Personally, I think I would be having all the same reservations about getting involved with a western
woman that I currently have getting involved with a Thai bar girl. Just the cultural and language issues magnify these worries. I think I have resolved to just take my chances with the situation I am in and see what happens.
Yes, I am one of the familiar cases of farang falling for bargirl. Yes, I think mine is different. Yes, I am stupid, naïve, a glutton for punishment and a slow learner. No, I doubt I’ll heed any advice saying to run for my life, ‘cos I am just plain stubborn right now and can’t really give a toss. So here I go, like lambs to the slaughter…
Bit about me. I was 25 when I first hit Thailand in June 2004. I am an average sorta guy, nothing special to look at but look athletic, never married, no kids, but most people I run into think I am a decent sorta guy. Like so many others on this site, I am the result of being stung by western women. Mine was my uni sweetheart who I knew for 8 years, dated for 2 years and was convinced I would marry. When she ditched me to go to the US of A, it took me 4 years to get back on track after running off the rails in a big way. I was working in the north of Australia with very few available and decent females when my then boss convinced me (after 3 months of pestering) to join him on a trip to Thailand.
I was hopelessly under prepared for that first trip. I didn’t know anything about Thailand, just that there were lots of girls (I had always liked Asian girls, my first crush was on the only Asian girl in my class when I was 11). I was given one piece of advice by my work colleagues – “Whatever you do, do not fall in love with the first girl you see”. That was easy to follow, however I was in trouble by the time I got to Girl #6. I’ll call her Om, but more about her later.
After making a complete idiot of myself to start with (sorry Dao and Im), I started to get into the swing of things in Pattaya. Different girl every night, feed them in the morning and then see them on their way. I was particularly captivated by one girl called Aon who also taught me the ins and outs of bargirlism, and I was saving my last night for her. On my second last night, I was just after a fill in to tide me over until the last night with Aon. After checking out a few bars, I settled on this absolute cutie. Small, with a killer smile (even now, I still remark on her vampire teeth), her name was Om. After an absolutely fantastic night, I had a feeling there was something different about her (don’t we all!) and thought she was worth changing my final night plans for her. I spent my last night with Om instead of Aon. We talked, she gave me her life story (21, from Khon Kaen, worked bar for 2 months, had 4 month old daughter, boyfriend used to beat her and so she finished with him and now worked to support her daughter). When it came time to leave the next morning, I was sad to leave Om, but we exchanged details (my only exchange on that trip) and I promised to return to see her in 3 months, work permitting.
Back to Australia, the project I was on was winding up and I had plenty of free time to daydream. I started to miss Om. We would talk about once every 2 weeks, send emails from time to time (good fun to read now – I can see when she had help and when it was just her). I felt myself doing the unthinkable and falling in love with her! Anyway, 3 days shy of 3 months, I met up with her again in Pattaya.
Om was just as cute as I remembered, if not more so. I was sure she still worked, but that was fine as I never asked her to stop, was not sponsoring her and knew she had to provide for her family, even if I didn’t like her line of work. The trip was, by my account, a success! I was a little concerned about her rather weak bladder (yes, you can guess what was happening) but then I wasn’t a saint either and was in trouble for a few indiscretions mainly involving Aon and Om’s friends from work. Om said she was leaving Pattaya to look after her baby. It didn’t even dawn on me to think how she could afford this. Anyway, I left feeling I had found one worth keeping, and we promised to keep in contact but to let each other know if we had moved on to greener pastures.
Back to work, I thought more and more about Om. I was hooked. I looked up how to get visas and started planning my next trip. We talked more frequently. She definitely was in her village – I would hear the cows, or tractors, or her baby. Everything smelled of roses! I arranged to come back for Christmas and New Year, but would stay in Khon Kaen, so she could be closer to her family and baby. Then, 1 day before I fly out, Om told me to go to Pattaya. She said her family were going to a funeral in Chonburi, and she would meet me 3 days later. I was a little peeved as I knew Pattaya would be packed, but agreed.
I admit, I misbehaved. It is hard not to. I justified this to myself that she was the one who told me to go to Pattaya where she knew I would likely get back in trouble, and at such late notice. Anyway, the date of our reunion came and went, with no Om. Alarms bells started ringing. I thought the worst. I tracked down her friends who were still in Pattaya and after a few phone calls was informed Om had a new boyfriend and the reason she sent me to Pattaya was to find a new lady. I was shattered. I tried as best I could to enjoy my time, but it just wasn’t the same. I left vowing to never come back to Thailand, at least for 1 year.
Om called a few days after I got back to Australia. She was sorry, but after I had arranged to see her, her sponsor had called to say he was coming. He was 39, from Ireland, and going through a divorce. She met him in August, and he had been sponsoring her since then. That was also the reason for her weak bladder on my second trip, she wasn’t supposed to be with other men. So, him being her benefactor, I got the flick. She was scared I wouldn’t want to talk with her so never told me until I got there, even though we had promised to tell each other if we found other partners (remember, I was not supporting her financially at this stage). But Om said they broke up after she rejected his proposal for marriage. I accepted her apologies and we resumed where we left prior to Christmas.
We started talking more frequently. I arranged to come back after Songkran. After talking about everything and anything, Valentines Day 2005 came upon us. I was NOT prepared for what was about to happen. I had just moved out from home and was expecting a nice romantic conversation about our undying love for each other. I did not expect her to be telling me that she actually had still been talking to her sponsor and that she was indeed still engaged to be married to him. Most guys would have cottoned on by now and started running in the opposite direction. My family were even telling me to bail. Not me! I was in this ‘til the bitter end! Instead, I was in Thailand within 2 weeks trying to sort out what was happening.
Om met me in Khon Kaen and I stayed with her and her family for the next week. The only rule I had to abide by was to be quiet when her fiancé called. It would cut me up inside but I did as was requested. Towards the end of my stay, Om’s visa for Ireland came through and we (read Om) thought it better I go to Bangkok or Pattaya as her fiancé was flying over to pick her up. Om explained that she did not love her fiancé, that it was me who she loved and she was only with him as he had sponsored her. I believed her as why would she take the risk to see me, who still didn’t support her financially, knowing her fiancé could rock up at any time (truth be known, I was going to knock his lights out). She would be gone for 3 months but I could still find out how she was doing by calling her friend. And after it all, she would still be waiting for me. I reluctantly agreed, headed to Pattaya, met some friends from before but was a good boy this time.
The next 3 months were hell. It would absolutely gut me thinking of my girlfriend shagging some other guy. But I kept myself busy at work, started preparing my visa applications (the Christmas debacle was a godsend there – again I would have been hopelessly under prepared for the Australian visa process). It sounded like things weren’t that great in Ireland and I was over the moon when Om called to say she was back. I hastily made preparations to come back and see her.
Just after I had paid for everything, Om lets loose another bombshell. She thinks it is better if we finish. WTF!?! I have just paid for everything to see her, she is the only reason I want to go, and now she is telling me to go Pattaya instead. Unbelievable! Apparently, she now had feelings for her fiancé and didn’t want to do bad for him anymore. I sensed a bit of pressure from the family here, maybe a bit of gossip in the village about Om’s many boyfriends. After some pleading on my behalf (not a pretty sight), she finally relented and said I could stay with her. I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular, wasn’t even expecting sex, I just wanted to go and see her and talk with her which had been my plan all along.
After a horror flight, including my luggage being diverted to London and me having to stand in the rice paddies of Khon Kaen in a business suit for 3 days, I again settled down to village life for the next 2 weeks. Again, same rules about being quiet when the fiancé called. I sensed Om wasn’t happy talking on the phone. He never seemed to trust her. Om would have to give a daily report of her comings and goings. Anything that involved travel needed to be fully accounted for. Om couldn’t even go see her sister in the next village without a permission slip and full details on how she would get there, who was going, how much it cost and how it was being funded. And heaven forbid she go to Bangkok and have to spend the night, even to get her visas at his request – she was obviously going to go past Pattaya and pick up any guy off the street for a few bucks! He seemed to forget that Om had a life before him and by all accounts, was happily staying in the village waiting (for whom is anyone’s guess).
Om had some more bad news for me. She was going back to Ireland. I was not happy with this, neither was she. We both thought she was not spending enough time with her baby who is approaching 2 years by now. But as it was all paid for, what could she do (apart from the obvious!). Besides, I had my own bombshell – I was going to work in Saudi for 3 months. We agreed that she could still go as I would be busy in Saudi and it would give me more time to get my act together – save a sin sot and that sort of stuff. Besides, after a stellar performance by myself in the village (they didn’t think a farang could live 2 weeks in the village), I think I reinstated myself as numero uno, with Om saying she wanted me and would not be changing her mind again, at least until next time, and a rousing thumbs up from all in the village.
Upon my return to work, the Saudi contract was revised from 3 months to 2 years. Ouch! This has put a bit of a spanner in the works, but Om has declared she will still wait for me, she loves me and all that other stuff that makes me feel so good inside. I have revised all my strategies for dealing with Australian Immigration and think I have a plan that won’t make me put all my plans for next year on hold. I have since found out that the only reason I have made it into this round is due to some naam jai on my behalf. Makes me feel a bit hollow inside knowing that I only made it this far due to a few thousand baht, but I am thankful I am still in the race.
So now I sit here, waiting for the phone to ring, with Om about to leave in 2 weeks time, and my Saudi visa due any day now. I am convinced Om loves me and is genuine with her feelings to me, and why should I worry? She has told me “everything” about her fiancé (she no longer considers them engaged, but he still thinks so, at least that is what her visa application said), whilst he is in the dark about me (was told I was out of the scene at Christmas). I know things look pretty bad from the outside, and when I think really hard about it, it don’t look much better from the inside. But when we are together, or when we are on the phone, everything is right as rain and I couldn’t be happier. As I said before, I have thought about this so much over the last 15 months, read so many articles about what to expect, what she is thinking etc etc etc that I have come to the conclusion it is better to go with the flow, see where I end up and not try to second guess her every action with a sinister motive. I think it will work, but only time will tell if I am onto a winner or if I will join the ranks of broken hearted farangs drowning their sorrows in the bars of Bangkok Phuket and Pattaya, being comforted by the next bargirl who is different from all the rest.
I would love to hear people’s thoughts on this matter, whether I heed any of the “get out while you still can” advice is another question.
You sound like a bright and very decent guy, but I fear you are playing games with YOURSELF. My best advice is this: Go and tell this entire story with all of the relevant details to your best, most trusted mate. If he is a good friend, he'll tell you that you're being incredibly optimistic and to forget her. If he is a great mate, he'll belt you until you see sense. Yeah, my advice is that you should run. Do let us know what happens, whatever it may be.