Are There Any Real Success Stories Out There?
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This is my first submission, having been reading Stickman for some years now, ever since the first sign of trouble between me and my now estranged Thai wife. I Googled ‘Thailand and marriage problems’ and bingo was presented with this wonderful
site which quickly made me realize that I wasn’t the only one and that other people had had even worse experiences than me!!
So a little about me – I’m a 30 year old from the UK. I’ve been visiting Thailand since 1997. My parents have settled in LOS and I visit them about 2-3 times a year. The first four or five years I visited with my English GF, then we split and I went alone – which was when I met my wife which was about 3 years ago. I’m told by Farang women that I am good looking, I’m a university graduate and I have a good career working for a multi-national company.
In hindsight, I just wish that I had seen this website prior to getting hitched to my wife because a lot of the signs of things to come were there when I first met her. My take on everything looking back was that I was a little vulnerable, having just finished a long term relationship in the UK, and I thought I had met the girl of my dreams. Yes she used to work in the bars. Yes I thought she was different (I’ve since heard loads of people say this about their Thai partners and it makes me cringe inwardly when I hear it – I can't believe how naïve I was only 3 years ago!!). The major mistake I made looking back was refusing to pay for sex or barfines….. Despite having been to the country many times I had never really been exposed to the naughty nightlife before (Due to the fact that I was usually with my English girlfriend) and my view back then on my first solo visit was very much that I don’t have any trouble getting girlfriends in the UK, so I shouldn’t need to pay for it. My wife is the first Thai woman I had been with in my life.
Despite working in the bars my wife never once asked for money during our first meetings. She also seemed pretty honest with me saying that she had a boyfriend from Scandinavia who had taken her there for 6 months prior to us getting together. She told me that whilst there she realized she didn’t want him but she still maintained contact with him. Before I began a relationship with her – I told her she would need to finish with this guy as it wasn’t fair on him. She is 4 years younger than me.
We grew closer and closer over my subsequent 2 – 3 visits to the country and eventually I decided that I wanted to spend more time with her and got her a visa to the UK. It was either that or give up my job and go to Thailand which wasn’t really an option as I earn good money here and don’t want to emigrate at this stage in my life. So we lived in the UK and initially I was blissfully happy, so much so that I decided I wanted to marry her after we had lived together for about 10 months. A short while after the marriage the problems began – I got her a job in a local Thai restaurant (major mistake) and she started hanging out with the local Thai contingent (all divorced ex bargirls disillusioned with life here).
She wanted to go out all the time and stopped paying attention to the marriage. I became suspicious and one night about 6 months after we married she confessed to me that she was still in contact with her Scandinavian ex and wanted to go and see him again. It turned out she never really broke contact with him or a couple of other Farang boyfriends. I sent her back to Thailand and told her to make up her mind what she wanted and she went back.
About 4 months passed and I went to see her in her village. She begged me for another chance and told me how sorry she was to mess me around. Stupidly I agreed and took her back. From here on in I was still quite suspicious of her but she did seem to
take everything more seriously until I caught her out again. One of my friends saw her out in town with some guys and some of her Thai friends from the restaurant. I went through her stuff and found a mobile phone which wasn’t her usual
phone. It turned out she had a second phone and was using it to have contact with about 6 other guys including her ex-boyfriend and whilst I was working she would be out at bars and clubs in town partying with other guys. I confronted her and
threw her out; that was about 6 months ago. In all it’s been an eye opening and painful experience and I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust another woman as long as I live.
Luckily and on a positive note the divorce doesn’t look as though it is going to cost me financially as I took some steps before and during the marriage to protect my assets from the bitch. <You're a bright lad, this was very wise – Stick>
My learnings from the whole experience:
1) Don’t come to LOS until you are fully over your divorce / break up etc.
2) Don’t bring them back to your country – my experience is they go nuts – it's almost the same as when we go to Thailand and find available young women everywhere – they come here and find available young men everywhere.
3) If you do bring them to your country don’t let them meet Thai expats – I haven’t a good word to say about any of the Thais I met in my city.
4) I’ve never met a Farang / Thai couple in the UK who are truly happy and I’ve met quite a few. The guy will say how wonderful she is (just look into his eyes when he is saying this!!)
5) Don’t let it put you off Thailand – I haven’t. It just took a painful experience to learn how you should treat Thailand (Have some fun by all means, just take any relationship slowly and take your time to trust someone).
6) Never underestimate the deviousness of women, especially Thai women.
7) It doesn’t matter whether your GF is a good girl or not – everyone in Farangland will assume you ‘bought’ her or that she is a whore.
8) Guys just assume they can grab / talk to / pull your GF wherever you go in Farangland – this is usually because she gives out ‘I’m available’ signals.
9) Don’t have any joint financial arrangements with your Thai partner – she likely won't contribute financially to the relationship anyway.
10) If I had to be involved with a Thai woman again – I strongly believe it would be best to live in Thailand with her – at least that way she will be more concerned about you running off with other women than the other way round!
11) I don’t agree with all the Farang woman bashing on this website. It's bollocks. Sure there are plenty of fat lazy bitches around but there are equally loads of nice ones as well and the added bonus versus a Thai relationship is that you can actually have an adult conversation now and again.
Looking back, it's not all doom and gloom. I did have some fun times with my ex. Prior to our marriage I had a stag night in Bangkok with 12 of my friends, most of whom were first timers – it was almost worth the subsequent two years of shit for this one night out – but this is another submission entirely!
Despite the negativity of my first article I have had many positive experiences in the Kingdom, both prior to and since my marriage, and my next submission will cover some of these.
I’m coming back in a couple of months and I intend to have a great time.
Excellent first submission and some excellent advice in there.