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My First Bargirlfriend Part 8

  • Written by Ben Dover
  • July 20th, 2005
  • 19 min read


By Ben Dover in the LOS


As always…As they used to say on Dragnet, “The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here is their story.”

In Part 7 of my story with my BarGirlFriend, I told a rather amusing story about how my girl, ‘Porn’, informed me that she had told her parents that we had already ‘consummated the deal’. This got me to thinking a lot about that topic and other related subjects.

A thought popped into my head one time after a friend of mine told me about how absolutely incredible and awesome the Thai blowjob bars are (which I have never been to, mind you). I wondered to myself, ‘Gee whiz, where do these girls (and other Thai girls as well) learn how to take care of a man so well in the sack and at the rather nefarious go-go bars’ back room, VIP areas?’. If figure that there must be some sort of mandatory bargirl school that all female Thai primary school aged girls must attend on order to teach them to do these things so well.

I can imagine the course schedule book that reads something like this:

Biology

Anatomy 101 – The Thai Penis

Course Description: (Only offered as a short afternoon course because there is not much material to cover)

Prerequisite: None (Even a 3rd grader can pass this course)

Offered: Once per quarter, on the first Tuesday, at 2:30PM.

Anatomy 202 –Introduction to the Farang Penis…how big is it, really?

Course Description: Students in this introductory class will learn some of the basics of the larger farang member. Topics covered included proper gripping methods, unrolling the condom properly, warnings against using smaller and inferior Thai condoms on farangs, and how to convince a farang that he has a large penis, even if he doesn’t, thereby increasing your tip.

Prerequisites: Anatomy 101 – Thai Penis

Offered: Fridays 3:00PM

Anatomy 203 – The Farang Penis – Learn how to Handle the ‘Big Boys’

Course Description: Here you will learn how to handle those ‘extreme situations’ to enhance your pleasure as well as his, with special emphasis on pain control while you are doing him RCG (reverse cowgirl) position. The first half of the quarter, the class will include proper positioning of the bargirl’s hips (in various sexual positions) to reduce the chance of injury during a heated session. During the second half of the quarter, bargirls will learn proper positioning of the head, neck, and shoulders on the bed so that they will better be able to deep-throat these larger members. There will be several farang volunteers on hand during the second half of this class to facilitate proper practice techniques with the students. Students must take great care when servicing these farang assistants as they pay for 90% of the entire school’s tuition budget.

Prerequisites: Anatomy 202

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Physiology 101 – Personal Grooming Habits

Course description: Full mangrove, the landing strip, or smooth as a baby’s bottom? Which shaving method does the farang really prefer? Students will learn the various pros and cons of the application and various levels of exposure to soft skin, beautiful application of make-up and lipstick, silky hair, and of course the Thai smile in order to attract farangs. Mandatory for all students.

Prerequisites: None

Offered: Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays 11:00AM

Physiology 330 – Effects of Grooming Habits on the Male Body

Course description: In this class, you will learn the physiological reactions of the male farang body and how to recognize some of these subconscious and autonomic changes such as quivering of the lips, shallow rapid breathing, staring with an open mouth, dilation of the pupil, and increased blood flow to the farang penis. By the end of the quarter students will also be able to discern between men whose hormone levels are truly elevated and therefore are much more susceptible to suggestions involving money as it relates to intimacy and men who can control their hormones and would thereby be less desirable fiduciary partners. Mandatory for all students.

Prerequisites: None

Offered: Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays 12:00AM

Body/Chemical Interactions 448

Course Description: In this course you learn the how various organic compounds including Yaba, alcohol, and marijuana affect neuromuscular coordination and how they also interfere with proper brain functioning and how farangs under the effect of these chemicals can be influenced to do things that they would normally never do. The majority of the class will cover the effects of alcohol in the farang brain and how neurotransmitters become much more susceptible to ideas that would normally be considered incongruent with normal logical thought patterns.

Prerequisites: Physiology 101

Offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 3:00PM

Physical Education

Stretching 309 – Avoiding Injuries

Course Description: Here you will learn a multitude of secret stretching techniques that will allow you to command the brass pole like an experienced Chinese contortionist. Students will be trained in various hanging maneuvers and positions, inverted pole slides with the inner thigh grip, as well as one-armed giant swings. Extra credit will also be given for those willing to learn advanced pre-copulation stretching exercises with emphasis on Thai massage training.

Prerequisites: None

Offered Monday & Tuesdays 2:00PM

Endurance Training 310 – Anaerobic versus Aerobic, which is better?

Course Description: Learn various training techniques and styles to enhance your endurance on the go-go bar dance floor, on the brass pole, as well as in the bedroom (hotel room)

Prerequisites: Stretching 309

Offered Mondays & Wednesdays 1:00PM

Parlor Games 180 – Billiards

Course Description: In this class students will be taught the finer points of the game including strategy, ball placement, bank shots, bending of the rules and straightforward cheating. The course curriculum is closely interspersed with liberal training on the psychological impact to farangs when you beat them, and how not to totally destroy their egos, thereby reducing your chance of a subsequent barfine.

Prerequisites: None

Offered Mondays & Tuesdays 3:00PM

Health, Nutrition

Health Care 276 – Applying make-up

Course Description: Here you will learn proper use and application of common cosmetics including eye shadow, eye liner, eye brow pencil, foundation, rouge, and lipstick for maximum effect under the sometimes harsh lights of the go-go bar dance floor, the beer bar, and of course the hotel room.

Prerequisites: None

Offered Thursdays & Fridays 4:00PM

Health Care 288 – Proper Eating and Nutrition

Course Description: During this quarter, students will be taught which of the various food groups like papaya som tom, satay, Pad See-Yew, Pa-Nang give the best energy value for those draining all-night go-go dancing, pole spinning, long-time boom boom, followed by next day shopping sprees with those farangs leading the ‘active lifestyle’. You will also be training in proper table manners such as chewing with you mouth open, burping, and other valuable tips sure to impress any customer that you are with.

Prerequisites: None

Offered Tuesdays and Fridays 12:00PM

Communications

Linguistics 108 – Thai to English and English to Thai Translation

Course Description: Basic bargirl-farang interaction will be covered in this course including linguistic, manipulative phrases like: “You so handsome!”, “How long you here?”, “Where you stay?”, “Up to you…”, “You speak Thai vely good.”, “You buy me lady drink?”, “I hate Thai man. He drink too much and butterfly.”, “I not like other farang, only you.”, “I love you too much!”, “You take me short-time?”, as well as countless other useful translations.

Prerequisites: None

Offered: Thursdays and Fridays 11:00AM

Psychology

Mind Control 101 – Basics of the Thai and Farang Male Brain

Course Description: In this course you will learn how the Thai and Farang male brain are structured. You will learn the basics of desires, emotions, temperament, relaxation, and motivations that make them think the way that they do. Several of the training techniques that you will learn including acting affectionate, alluring, and self-assured while simultaneously cajoling, coaxing, enticing, exhorting, impressing, inciting, inducing, influencing, selling, swaying, sashaying, touching, urging, wearing down, wheedling, winning over, wooing, and working over farangs to aid in extracting the maximum amount of baht per transaction.

Prerequisites: None, however this course is MANDATORY for ALL students.

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Mind Control 202 – Influencing the Male Farang Brain

Course Description: In the course you will begin to understand how proper applications of techniques of learned in Mind Control 101 can assist you in influencing the male brain accomplishing basics tasks such as getting a farang to buy you drinks, convincing him that you think that he is handsome, and of course…convincing him to barfine you, etc.. Here you will apply some of the concepts learned in Mind Control 101 with additional techniques that include acting: beguiling, bewitching, mesmerizing, captivating, charming, coy, enchanting, entrapping, fascinating, luring, magnetizing, persuading, seducing, tempting, vamping, and finally…wiling.

This course is usually proctored by elder bargirls with a minimum of 2 years experience as well as mamasans with a minimum of 3 years experience managing in a fast-paced farang bar environment. The final exam for this course involves mind control in the form of self control where you will be tested on how NOT to fall in love with a farang.

Prerequisites: Mind Control 101. MANDATORY for ALL students.

Offered Monday, Tuesdays, Wednesdays & Fridays 12:00PM-3:00PM

Mind Control 303 – Handling multiple Farang customers simultaneously

Course Description: Here students will learn important aspects of time-management in a multi-faceted approach as well as most persuasive verbiage to be used in conversations with farangs in order to maximize your income, yet protect your other income streams (other farangs). Topics covered include the use of multiple cell phones, changing of cell phone numbers, multiple email accounts, and messenger chatting with multiple farangs simultaneously. Extra credits are given to girls who want to explore some of the advanced message forwarding services and ‘fake answering services’ available that are rather successful at deceiving male farangs into believing that you only love ‘him’.

Prerequisites: Technology Information Technology 241, Information Technology 252, Information Technology 283.

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 3:00PM

Mind Control 404 – Brainwashing

Course Description: This course is perhaps the most revered course of its kind in the world. Here you will learn from world-class educators (bargirls over the age of 35 who have been able to extract upwards of 300,000 baht or more per month from a multitude of male farangs) various methods that are the most powerful techniques ever used to control and manipulate the male farang brain. Here you will learn the really big techniques that involve really large payouts including monthly support monies and frequent shopping trips. Some topics covered include getting a farang to marry you, convincing him that you do not have sex with anyone else, and avoiding telling him that you have children.

Special Notes for this class: Lesson plans for this course are destroyed after each class as these techniques are the foundation of the entire bargirl industry and therefore cannot fall prey to prying eyes. All credits in this course count towards your Doctoral Degree and thesis.

Prerequisites: Mind Control 303

Offered: Secret location and times to be determined after verification of students’ identification

Mind Control 782 – Doctoral Thesis

Course Description: This is highest course that we have ever offered and the most difficult. Yet, the demand for this course keeps growing every academic year. In this course you will learn the advanced mind control techniques that are so powerful that an experienced bargirl, with proper timing and implementation of these techniques, can actually convince an unwitting farang to marry her, make him believe that she is the ‘one’ and that everyone else in her family loves him, and then actually convince him to transfer his entire life savings and assets into her name because it is ‘required’ under the Thai legal system. Then she learns about the Thai ‘quickie divorce’ after which the farang is left depleted of his life’s savings and has to go back to Farangland to start working again at age 55. This course is not for the average bargirl who is a little bit jai dee and just wants to make some money for a few years to help her family back on the farm. But rather this course is designed for the girls who want to attain immortality in bargirl circles and whose name will be passed down like legend in the bars of Nana, Patpong, Soi Cowboy, Patong, and Walking Street.

There are NO courses offered beyond this course and previous students who have take this course and have successfully implemented the techniques often come back as guest speakers to tell their stories. The speakers in this course frequently change as there is no permanent staff due to the fact the successful students in this course never have to work again. This is truly the course that every bargirl aspires to take and pass.

Prerequisites: Mind Control 202, 303, and 404

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Neurotransmitters 650 – Endorphins

Course Description: Learn how various stimuli (physical, visual, and olfactory) including touch, rubbing, application of facial adornments (including lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, and rouge) and the judicious use of perfumes can make the male farang brain increase levels of endorphins in his system. Credits in this course count towards a Master Degree or Doctoral Degree.

Prerequisites: None, however students fare far better in this course if they have already taken the course, Health Care 276 – Applying make-up

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Maxillofacial and Oral Maintenance 342 – The Thai smile.

Course Description: In this course you will learn advanced dental techniques including: Laser tooth whitening, proper flossing techniques, the pros and cons of the SoniCare electronic toothbrush versus the Oral-B Oral Care systems. It should be noted that periodontal diseases will not be discussed during this course due to the fact that most bargirls are under 25 and will rarely encounter these issues at such a young age.

Prerequisites: Must have Teeth

Offered: Tuesdays 11:00AM

Telephony and Telecommunications Engineering

Information Technology 241 – Introduction to Cellular GSM technology including Text Messaging

Course Description: The courses are the foundation of the effective bargirls’ arsenal of weapons that will maximize her ROI (Return On Investment). Here the bargirl will learn about the differences between the various cellular systems, which ones have the best coverage in which hotels and areas back on the farm, the various plans available, call waiting, and call forwarding services available today. You will learn all about having multiple SIM cards to fool your customers, why you should never turn your cell phone off, which batteries and phones last the longest between charges (for those long-time barfines when you do not have access to your charger), so that you do not lose any money waiting for previous customers to call for a future rendezvous. Students will be taught how many ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you!’ messages are enough to keep the average farang who has returned to his home country interested in you. You will also learn which cell phones will allow you to gain the most face amongst your other bargirl friends and which lanyard length to use to hang your cell phone around your neck so that, when you get into a catfight with another bargirl, the phone does not bruise the soft skin on your breasts, thereby reducing your next tip.

Prerequisites: Ownership of a cell phone

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Information Technology 252 – Internet Email

Course Description: In this course you will learn how to establish an email account with various anonymous providers such as Yahoo, Google, and Hotmail, etc. You will learn how to pick from the best (and difficult to decode) security sequences for your password like 123456 or 111111, 222222, etc.. Discussions of the importance of brevity in your emails is also explored, so that students learn to minimize their time in the internet café so that they can increase their time walking the streets. Other material to be covered includes proper payment amounts to Internet café personal to impersonate your replies to previous customers that have returned to their home countries allowing you to keep them on the back burner were they to ever return to the LOS. Also, you will learn why you do not want to inadvertently let your customers discover that you really are fluent in English lest they might think that you are an experienced bargirl.

Prerequisites: 5 Words Per Minute Typing Skills and Physiology 101 – Personal Grooming Habits (for Web Cam use)

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 2:00PM

Information Technology 283 – Introduction to IM (Instant Messaging) Systems

Course Description: The class will also learn how to use all of the major IM (Instant Messaging) systems such as Yahoo Messenger, AOL Messenger, Microsoft Messenger, Trillian, and many others. Topics covered will include: Arranging and tiling multiple windows around your desktop so that you can IM chat with the maximum number of farangs simultaneously. Also, stalling techniques will be taught, so that you can convince farangs that he is the ‘only’ one that you are chatting with. Training will also be given in the proper use of the web cam to maximize your results. Students will learn the proper excuses to give farangs that you are chatting with simultaneously as to why you do not answer them immediately.

Prerequisites: Ownership of a cell phone

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Business Courses

Ethics in Farang Negotiations 101 – This course is cancelled every quarter due to a lack of interest.

Accounting and Budgeting 102 – This course is cancelled every quarter due to a lack of interest.

E-Commerce and Banking 409 – Money Transfer Services

Course Description: Students will be trained in the various money transfer services available all over the world and in Thailand as well. Students will discover the inner workings of Western Union, MoneyGram, Xoom, and many others. Students will master the requirements for each system so that transactions can be easily explained to farang customers who have returned to their home countries. Course will also cover fluctuations in daily exchange rates for various currencies into Thai baht using advanced arbitrage and statistical modeling programs. Note: All E-Commerce course credits count towards a Master’s or Doctoral Degree.

Prerequisites: The ability to be able to walk to money transfer location and give them your ID.

Offered: Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:00AM, 12:00PM, 1:00PM, 2:00PM, 3:00PM and 4:00PM. These classes fill quickly so make sure to register early.

E-Commerce and Banking 410 – The Wire Transfer System

Course Description: Learn how the international wire transfer system works including facts about bank account numbers, routing numbers, delay time, international wire transfer clearing house banks, and negotiating with your customer to send a little ‘extra’ to cover the wiring fees that would normally reduce what you will clear. You will also learn about leveraging daily international exchange rates to maximize the amounts of monies transferred to your account. Note: All E-Commerce course credits count towards a Master’s Degree.

Prerequisites: An existing account at a Thai Bank and E-Commerce and Banking 409.

Offered: Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:00AM, 12:00PM, 1:00PM, 2:00PM, 3:00PM and 4:00PM. These classes fill quickly so make sure to register early.

E-Commerce and Banking 411 – The Electronic Debit and/or Credit Card and Charge Card System

Course Description: This course is one of courses in highest demand, year after year, because it forms the basis of any successful bargirls’ repertoire of techniques. In this course students will master how to convince their farang customers to give them a credit card in the bargirl’s name, while the responsibility for payment goes to the farang customer. Students will also be taught the differences between various types of credit cards such as Visa, MasterCard, Discover and of course the coveted American Express charge card, which has no limit. A bargirl who has convinced her farang that she really needs and American Express Gold or Platinum Card to pay for her rent and buy her some papaya som tom, has truly mastered the financial aspects of being a bargirl. Various emotional and verbal techniques will be taught in order to train customers how to increase the card limits, why 16 pairs of jeans are not a luxury, but rather a necessity and many other useful tips and pointers. Note: All E-Commerce course credits count towards a Master’s Degree.

Prerequisites: None

Offered: Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:00AM, 12:00PM, 1:00PM, 2:00PM, 3:00PM and 4:00PM. These classes fill quickly so make sure to register early.

Law

Dealing with Police and Security 102 – Dos and Don’ts

Course Description: In this course you will learn proper methods to reduce or eliminate your chances of being incarcerated using various methods of bribery, kickbacks, sweet-talking, and payoffs. Special emphasis is paid to being a volunteer to the mamasan for payment of ‘services rendered’ for selected police officials to keep the heat off of your go-go bar, thereby reducing chances of a raid.

Prerequisites: Thai smile and some farang baht in your pocket.

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 11:00AM

Documentation 327 – Forgery, Deception, and Lies – How to work in a Go-go bar no matter how old you are

Course Description: Here you will learn everything that you need to know in order to be able to successfully work in any go-go bar even if you are under-age, by utilizing simple forgery techniques for your ID card and/or birth certificate combined with some simple story-telling.

Prerequisites: Minimum age requirement of 13 years old.

Offered: Wednesdays and Thursdays 1:00PM

Mathematics

Probability and Statistics 340 – Gambling

Course Description: This course teaches rules, strategies, and probability outcomes of various dice games, board games, and table games. Students will become with terms and concepts such as Bias, Bimodal distribution, Binomial distribution, Chi square independence test, Conditional probability, Confidence interval, Cumulative distribution, Discrete variable, Factorial design, Frequency distribution, Homogeneity of variance, Inferential statistics, Interquartile range, Linear regression, Mean Square Error, Median, Mode, Null hypothesis, Regression line, Sampling distribution, Standard deviation, t distribution, Variance, and the Z score.

Prerequisites: None

Offered Tuesdays & Fridays 12:00PM

It should be noted that there are no classes start before 11:00AM as that would interfere with sleep time after long-time sessions with customers. Also there are no classes that start, or extend, beyond 5:00PM (and of course, there are no night classes available) as these would interfere with proper preparation so that the bargirls can make it on time by 6:00PM.

Coming soon…More adventures with my exploits in My First BarGirlFriend Part 9!

Stickman's thoughts:

Quite amusing.