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Kiwis Take(n By) Pattaya

  • Written by Cold Kiwi
  • July 12th, 2005
  • 11 min read


I feel like I should start this with – ''I never thought this could happen to me, but one day…..'' just like in Penthouse Forum. A friend of mine has been visiting and talking about Thailand for years, but as I was either married or in a relationship I never paid much attention to his stories, as they sounded too good to be true. When he started talking about this trip (May 05), and as I was newly single again, I thought – why not go see what it is like. Waikato winters suck, and I knew it was hot there, so why not go have some fun and get away from the local girls who wanted half of everything I had if we bonked for a couple of years.

The flight was uneventful, thanks to the magic of sleeping pills, and we got out of the airport and arranged a van to take the 5 of us to Pattaya to hook up with an English friend who had arrived the day before and arranged our accommodation. The trip was pretty uneventful and the sights reminded me of both Malaysia and China, but with many more pick up trucks on the road.

Day 1

We arrived and got our room and scooter keys, freshened up and checked out the views and pool, then went down town for a scout around, as it was late afternoon. We negotiated the hectic traffic, and while a couple of the guys were a bit wobbly on the bikes we all ended up having a good look around second road, beach road then ended up pulling into walking street, which was open to traffic at that time of day. I looked into a bar and was greeted by the sight of a very obvious ladyboy miming the fact that he/she would love to suck my cock….I felt like this town might be ok later on! I was glad I had done some research on this site, and understood the basics, unlike some members of our group who were gobsmacked by the sights – at only 4 in the afternoon! We went into Too's bar, which was to be a favourite for our trip as you could people watch, and ordered a few different beers to decide which local brew we would partake of for our visit. The logic being it was easier to all drink the same beer for shouts later, rather than one of this and 2 of that etc. Lucky really as 6 Singhas is a lot easier to remember when you are pissed, which we were every evening to one degree or another (I blame the heat).

We went back for a swim and a snooze and arranged to meet around 7 for dinner. We went down on our scooters and found a nice seafood restaurant by the fish market just off walking street, and caught up with our pommy mate who had recommended the food and the view. As we sat there conversations would stop as we admired a steady stream of young slim babes in various lovely jeans and top combinations, and some of the smallest mini skirts I have ever seen. I love slimmer babes so the steady stream of bargirls almost all under 50kg made my smile wider than the average kiwi girl's ass. We decided to have our base at the Dollhouse go-go behind the Thai boxing ring, which we could all find even when pissed, as our local guides knew the owner. We went into our first go-go and I knew we had made the right choice, as there were over a dozen girls shuffling away on the carousel in bikinis, and not one was bad looking! Imagine my surprise when the song finished and another cute dozen took their place – in little sailors' outfits! Damn – one of them was tall, had a killer smile, and (the clincher) while I was admiring her long legs from pretty close, she showed me that she had no panties on! I say again – Damn!! – she almost had me hooked right there. I bought her a lady drink as soon as she got off stage, call me a softy, but she had made me hard for a second so I figured that was fair.

We decided to go for a wander around and see the sights and were all amazed by the change a few hours darkness had made – walking street was rocking (though we were told this was slow season) and we walked around wide eyed, eyeing up the freelancers. One of the guys was constantly amazed that they would chat to him, which cracked the rest of us up as we knew they would come home with any of us for the right number of baht. He was convinced they found him attractive, so we challenged him to get one to bonk him for free, which he never achieved, (though he did get one for 120 baht, which was pretty funny – it was all he had left in his wallet and late in the night). We looked around, and after getting dragged into various bars me and my new English friend ended up sitting in Too's bar supplied with those lovely cold towels, watching the world walk past, playing spot the ladyboys. He decided to call a friend of his to go home with for some fun, and I asked if she had a friend, so he asked her and 15 minutes later they turned up and we were set for our evening of fun. She was older than the go-go girls I had seen, but still younger than me by ten years or so (I'm 44). All I will say is that she was not shy, and a lot of fun – and I had skipped a barfine, so I felt happy giving her an extra 100 baht for the taxi home.

Day 2

I went down to wait for the boys to turn up for breakfast, but they all took so long I ended up swimming and catching some rays in the warm sun. By ten we had all said goodbye to our dates from the previous evening and assembled for breakfast, and story telling about the nights' antics. We scooted down to the beach and went through Royal Cliff Resort (wow) and down to the beach for a nice breakfast on the beach. Our friend told us the charge by the resort to bring a bargirl to the rooms there was about the same as our accommodations cost us a day, so we were glad not to be staying there, but happy to use some of their facilities. Breakfast was at a shanty restaurant on the beach, which served great food, and was so cheap! It turned out that everyone had linked up with someone who made them happy during the previous evening, and the only thing that amazed me was how much some of the guys had paid their ladies! Damn – these guys would drive the prices up if left unchecked, so a little education went a long way that morning towards saving them thousands of baht a day. Some of them were talking about getting the same ladies again – first day and they were half hooked! They really should have read your great site!

We decided to see some more sights and went on a scooter tour around, with a few of the boys heading home to catch up on some sleep. We went to the go kart track and watched as they let us loose in 2 stroke go karts on a scarily fast and dangerous track – hilarious fun! Crash one and they just came and towed you back and push started you back into the fun in another kart – no complaints, classic! That evening we toured a few more bars and established the types of bars and go-gos we liked – all of them! We were in hog heaven, and I barfined a slim beauty I liked the look of from the last bar we ended up in. I found this babe to be a bit of a starfish, so did the deed, got a massage then asked her to leave right away so I could sleep. I had intended getting the girl from Dollhouse from the first night, who I had again talked with, and for some strange reason I felt vaguely guilty for again not barfining her, and mad I got this boring one.

Day 3

Breakfast the next day was a repeat of the first, with stories aplenty about the night's entertainment. It seemed the lads had priced themselves a little closer to reality, though they seemed to like big tips. A few of us scooted off down the highway towards Bangkok a ways, then turned off after 15 minutes dodging the utilities and trucks and headed, um eastish. Well, to cut a long story short, after eventually finding a sign we ended up at a crocodile farm, where we saw lots of very weathered million year old rocks, and had the most amazing fun 'catching' crocodiles. You grabbed a long bamboo pole with a 10 foot nylon rope, paid your money and a nice lady would tie on a chicken body by a frond of some plant tied to the knot on the end of the nylon. I would call it more crocodile feeding rather than catching them, as they took most chickens in amazingly speedy snaps of their teeth, except one of our group tied a small loop in his nylon and really did hook into a big one for a good 3 or 4 minutes! It was hilarious watching this 12 foot croc back-pedalling in the water trying to get the nylon off his big tooth, till he rolled the right way and finally dislodged the rope. We were all hanging onto our friend howling in laughter and attracted a good group of tourists who looked on in horror, wondering who was catching who. We had a quick trip down the road and rolled into a fishing park, complete with little bungalows to relax in, with a few karaoke stages scattered around further from the pond. Next time there I must attempt to find it one evening and regale them with my Billy Joel and Elton John renditions. The basic idea was you cast out your bait and waited till your float disappeared, then reeled in your catch, meanwhile eating and drinking to ward off the relaxing boredom. We were alerted by the staff if our float disappeared, and next time I will take a pillow and catch up on some sleep, great place! The afternoons fishing, nice food and a few beers cost us each about 3 or 400 baht – brilliant! We were the most motorbike able bunch out of our group and raced back into town like it was a grand prix race, and no one batted an eyelid at the crazy farangs – classic fun you would not get away with at home. As far as I figured out you just had to make sure your helmet was on and anything goes on the road as long as you didn't prang anyone.

We met for dinner and bravely headed out into the torrent of brown beauties that is walking street. Fortified with both food and Singha we boldly went where we had been before, isn't it funny how you tend to go to the same places over and over. When we got to Dollhouse I called my leggy beauty over, who melted into my arms, and we discussed monetary arrangements. I asked, and she told me she had to be back at work at 6pm the next day. I asked her if she would like to spend the whole day with me, and she acted like that would be a great idea, so I asked her to name her price. She wanted me to put the price on it, but I insisted, as I was curious what she would ask for with me, as I knew what some of the other girls there had asked the others for. She finally said 1000 baht, which is a bargain for 20 hours, and I said how about I pay for the day's activities, paid her 500 baht, and bought her a nice gift of similar value to remember me by. She agreed so I paid her barfine and said I would return in a half hour, so she ran off to get ready. Now she was taller by 2 inches than any other girl there and was wearing heels not quite as high as her dancing shoes – and was still only up to my eyebrows.

I have a thing for tall ladies as they have the greatest legs and as I am only 5 foot 8 usually this means my ladies are taller than me in heels, but not in the LOS, and I was the one smiling! We went to Too's bar to catch up with the lads and I had half thought the ladies there would scowl at her drinking with us, but they supplied cold towels as usual and my lady spent most of her evening making sure I was very well fed, cool and dry. I have never met someone who I felt so comfortable with and the whole time we were together it was like we had known each other for years, whether sitting, riding the scooter or having fun in bed. This is an amazing trait these ladies have, as her English was minimal and my Thai non-existent. These ladies shower so much it is no surprise they smell as sweet as they act. My lady friend would not even let me dry myself, and she brushed her teeth as often as she showered. My face hurt from smiling most of the time we were together. She very sweetly complained that I was too big in the cock department too, lovely girl!

More to come….

Stickman's thoughts:

So, when do you fall in love?!