Good Girl And Nice Guy 4/3 Finally, The Saga Ends
“Good Girl” & Nice Guy 4/3 – The Never Ending Saga Ends
I will admit last night I learned something that makes my story completely different, but still just as hard to let go, yet I am closer to peace with this now than ever before.
One of Julie's friends called me. First this is a no no for Thais, they should take care of each other but never do another person's job. Second this was very brave for her to explain to a western mind. Ever since Julie came back to Thailand, her parents had arranged a marriage. Julie never knew this and kept on her heart for me. Well, as it grew more apparent for whatever reason, (the parents wanted farang out, or the parents wanted this guy in) Julie saw that this was a serious issue.
In a western world, even if parents suggest something, the girl has space to make a decision, sometimes a lot sometimes a little and sometimes money affects her decision. In Thailand grengjai pushed Julie's decision of love not from me to TuM (Her real lover) but from me to her parents, whom she loves greatly. She chose Tum over me because of her parents' wishes. So as all arranged marriages go, the one pushed into it either is along for the bumpy ride, or accepts the new life and makes peace. Again in Thai culture Julie has accepted the peace as not to disrupt the balance of life. And I genuinely believe Julie loves him, well enough to bear his child now.
Where does this leave me, out cold on a rock. This explanation has allowed me to forgive her for my broken heart, but not heal the pain.
To me Julie is still wrong, for she could have explained this in January or earlier. She was selfish and wanted to keep me as a friend, and was searching for a way to tell me of Thai culture.
Perhaps she even thought if she wasn't pregnant eventually it could have worked out. She perceived me as a rude, ignorant American, who would not understand, as I proved myself to be. In my own defence, if Julie had taken a different approach, while
I still would have been hurt, this disaster could have been avoided. Hindsight is 50/50.
Again this is a disconnect between cultures, Thais assume one should be grengjai and accept things as they are. I, on the other hand, could never accept the bible because it was "said so". I needed proof of existence, maybe that is why I am atheist. The relationship was doomed from the beginning, add up different interests, vastly different cultures, long distance, and lack of proper communication and you get two people lost in translation. It worked because we were both naive, because she had lived in USA and adopted our way of life for a year, when she reversed the culture it left me wondering for 6 months where I went wrong.
In the end she lied to me to protect me, and punish me slightly for stealing her hotmail, but it devastated and confused me. The AIDS and multiple partners were lies I made up and she accepted so I would feel awful. I even went for HIV testing to be certain
I was not going to die. This emotional test was almost more than I could bear. I am negative by the way. Yes this was a learning experience, not just about culture but about myself. I have some issues myself that I need to take a serious look
at. Maybe adopting some of the Thai culture could benefit me.
Lastly, to Julie, she feels 0% guilt, as mentioned earlier. To her this is the way of life and I wasn't willing to lie down and accept it. I will stand up and say I accept 60% of the blame for ignorance and infatuation. The lies and manipulation were all her way of ignoring the problem. The other 40% will most likely never be claimed, and it can be written off to the cultural system that has existed for 2000 years in Siam.
Can I move on now, yes, will it be easy, no. I convinced myself she is who I want, now that she is pregnant, it is definitely over for her, and me as well, but crazily I have this sick wish she would come to America with her baby and marry me. (I can't explain this thought at all.)
The only thing that could heal me, is her, or someone better. This is helping me to come to peace with everything, her friend robbed me of my hate, but I do not want to grow to be an old bitter man. This could have happened in any culture, this situation the misunderstanding was just that much greater. I want so bad to write a letter in Thai to her parents saying sorry for my involvement, almost to pass the guilt on to them, but they are no different from Julie. I am the outsider and will never be right in this lifetime. It is time to move on.
Thanks for reading again. I am accepting offers for the book, and film, however the film has to have me the cheery husband.
Mate, it is time to let go…