Readers' Submissions

My Chinese Bargirl Really Was Different Follow Up

  • Written by Anonymous
  • January 22nd, 2005
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

My Chinese Girlfriend Really Was Different (We Were Both Tricked)

By Gaijin Pete


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My lovely Tsai is no more, I am convinced (again, and perhaps finally). Our story struck a chord with not a few readers judging by the e-mails I've received. I appreciated the kind comments and could understand one person's criticism that perhaps it was MY fault her husband abandoned her. In fact the first e-mail I sent her was perfectly innocent, asking only after her welfare and using an obvious Japanese girl's name. I've decided to post a follow-up in case anyone is wondering how it ended up. Here is the message which caused me to reply with my true feelings:

"My husband doesn't know my email password I am writing to but I can't call you because from India call to Japan is very expensive and I don't have much money to live because I lost some money with my mobile phone it was in a bag. When I come to India I give all money to my husband when he left me he not give me back my money. My husband still don't know anything about you I never tell him. but he left because he got a new girlfriend she is from London and beautiful.

When I was in Japan I say so many things bad to him so he is angry so when he meet this girl he left me without any information. I don't know where is he now but his friend say he is going to London soon with his girl friend. If you really want me come here then I will go with you there and want to marry you. you will find me in (city) every Sunday evening at (name) Temple.

If you come here you'll know my situation. I really want to call you but I am in big trable so I can't call you because I don't have money and place. Also I don't have ticket to go back Taiwan.

Your Friend Tunga"

Who's heart would not skip a beat when reading this, supposedly from one's own true love? Concern for her over-rode any concern for my own family elsewhere and I could think of nothing else day and night but her predicament. My intention had always been to confirm the actual author by asking a simple question that only Tsai herself would know the answer to. Reading this though, I just couldn't imagine that any man could write such a scathing indictment of himself. Also the expressed wish to marry me (impossible in our current circumstances) rang true because there was one day just before she left Japan that she hugged me tight in my little kitchen and begged me to marry her. This really did seem to be from HER. The only thing that suggested this was a trick was the "I say so many bad things" because in fact she had spent hours assuring her husband long-distance that she was true only to him. I never heard her utter a single harsh word to him (or anyone else) in all the time I knew her. Because of the lengthy delays between messages I took a chance and opened my heart to her explaining that my first and most urgent priority was to know about her personal welfare and offering to come meet her anywhere. It's not unknown for Indian men to empty the acid from a car battery with which to destroy the face of any female whom they feel has brought shame on the family. I had always told her that, if she was truly happy with her husband I would respect that and bother her no more. However if things didn't work out with him, I'd be happy to step into the breach (no pun intended).

My previous submission finished with me receiving a poignant, very brief phone call from India promising me an e-mail with a full explanation. Well tonight marked 12 days and nights with no such message so I finally sent ANOTHER e-mail simply asking her to please contact me if she receives it and reminding her that it was chiefly her welfare I was concerned about. No sooner had I clicked "send" than the phone rang. It was Tsai once more. Isn't it strange that when I am most concerned over her, she is thinking of me? I hesitate to sound like a teenager but I really believe we have some kind of psychic connection with each other. She said that this was the last call she would make. She realised I was really worried about her and she wanted to assure me she was happy and safe in India. I asked if she'd received the message which I'd just sent and she said "no" she rarely used e-mail there. How is she living if she has no money and no place to live? "WHAT?" she asked, stunned. I told her about the e-mail I'd received (above) and she laughed self-consciously and explained that her HUSBAND had sent that because he suspected her (and rightly so as it turns out). I was at once relieved to know that she is happily settled in her chosen country, and numb that I could not expect to hear from her anymore. Then she said she'd told her husband about our affair and that it was over.

What can one do in a case like that? My immediate reaction was to assure her that I was happy for her IF her situation satisfied her. However I couldn't help reminding her that I cared deeply for her and would always be happy to hear from her if she ever had the wish to contact me again. Then she promised to contact me sometime to let me know how she was faring. Will I ever hear from her again? Probably not, unless she is desperate. For this reason, not hearing from her should make me happy. She will have "landed on her feet". However I will NEVER forget her and will always be at a loss wondering what has happened to her and what might have been (under different circumstances). Perhaps for those of you for whom lovely brown-skinned female company is available anytime you like, this is much ado about nothing. For me however this has been a "roller coaster ride" of the first order. Like a moth drawn inexorably to the fatal flame I am desperate to repeat the thrill and pain of this encounter. Today I've been in touch with the travel agent to enquire about my first ever trip to Thailand. If I can meet a woman who thrills me half as much as Tsai did, then the trip will be well worthwhile even if the end is as painful as this has been. As (Tennyson/Butler/Augustine?) famously said It's "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

Warmest wishes to all of you for 2005 and the future, Regards Gaijin Pete

Stickman's thoughts:

Thanks for letting us know what happened.