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A Thai Can’t Get Laid

  • Written by The Boner
  • December 6th, 2004
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

A Thai Guy Can't Get Laid

By Boner


As mentioned by the Lao guy who wrote “Pom Ben Kohn Lao” (why Nana hookers don’t like Thai/Lao customers), it can be friggin hard for a Thai or Lao guy to score with a Thai hooker in Nana, SC, or PP. Kind of ironic, when a guy can’t buy a whore’s pussy and especially when a Thai guy can’t score with his own Isaan village girls. It’s also kind of funny, as these are the same girls he could’ve boned for free when they were teenagers in the village and even now, when they go home for New Years or Songkran or what not.

Here’s a story to prove my point.

Back a year or so, I was in LOS with my teeruk Thai chick. So here we are in po-dunk village, Isaan. I’m kind of bored, missing life back in the old City By the Bay (Farangland), and the babe’s brother is getting hassled by his jealous Thai girlfriend. My only excitement that night was getting drunk, watching just how mundane these Isaan guys are sitting around chain-smoking and drinking their rot-gut Mekong whiskey, throwing rocks at the chickens, and pouring ice-cold water on myself for my bath.

We finally leave the next night and get into Bangers late. I’m tired (drank too much Johnny Walker — gotta drink better than the locals, but share with the teeruk’s family) and decide to just go round the corner to Nana and Angel’s Disco. It’s kind of boring, as it’s clear the old teeruk is as jealous as a bat, and the idiot hookers don’t help much with all their comments of “your boyfriend is handsome”. I’ll never get why they tell a farang’s girlfriend this type of crap — they obviously tell the farang these things to suck out the Baht. Anyways, the old ball and chain likes to think aloud sometimes. She spits out one of those crazy ideas we all occasionally get, and which Thai girls may get more than most normal people. She says she feels bad for her brother and the shitty way his bitchy girl has been to him, so she wants to get him a whore. Whoa! I think, why can’t she feel the same about me (LOL, just joking).

Anyways, I am on this like a bat on a rat, and even volunteer to pay for the whore. The babe says no way, she’ll pay, and off all three of us go to Nana to find him his first Thai hooker ever. (Don’t get confused here, he’s never paid for a Thai hooker but he’s had many for free back in the village, when the whores are just “normal people” back in their hometowns for the holidays.) The way he is treated is like shit in a rich man’s house. The Thais look at him like he don’t belong, and it’s just so funny, as they seem to all forget that they look just like him. I know the reason — he ain’t got any money — but to treat their own kind (a Thai and an Isaan native) like this is just so hypocritical.

He chooses a chick, she refuses, I tell the teeruk why though she knows, and we try another one and that hooker says, “No, I only go with Japanese”. A third one says no, after we tell the mamasan to ask her. The mamasan tries a few more girls she thinks will budge, but they all refuse.

So we give up, go round the bars to drink and for us two guys to ogle at the poontang, and then we try at Nana Disco. We get a bunch of the same buffalo crap from Isaan farmer’s daughters — no, no, and no again. Finally, we see some average looking Thai hooker (I think, the teeruk’s brother like’s her baby face and whiter features). So the teeruk asks “Do you want to go with him?” She’s all smiles, looks at me, and says, “He’s so handsome.” I was standing next to the brother. The wife says, “No, my brother, not my boyfriend.” The hooker’s face turns upside down, and she says she wants MORE money to screw her own kind, AND she will only go for short-time. Hell, the guy is younger than me! And you can’t tell maybe cause he’s gotten older a lot faster than me from working in the same and drinking all that crap whiskey.

Anyways, I trust this whore as far as I can throw her (and I can’t throw very well at that), so I tell my babe not to give her greedy little Thai soft hands a Baht until she gets banged good. There’s something wrong with a farmer’s daughter (to me) with hands that show she hasn’t worked a day in the rice paddies at all.

The teeruk gives her bro the money and he is next door in his room with the hooker. My Thai girl and I have our own fun in our room and fall asleep. Two hours later, her bro announces he’s leaving for work at 7am and says the hooker delivered the goods and left just a bit earlier. What a boring guy he is, he boned her once and let her off for 2500 Baht.

So there you have it. That Lao American guy had it right on the mark. The Thais working in the sex bars for farangs really are convinced that anyone looking like them are inferior when it comes to being a paying customer. And to the Isaan Thais, there is one type of person who is even more poor — the Lao person. In the Isaan village I’ve seen, I see Lao wives Thai guys have either brought from nearby Laos or who they met in the Thai sex scene (karaoke bars) in their villages. So if nothing else, my teeruk’s brother would look like a rich farang when compared to a Lao guy. And trust me, a Thai can spot a real Lao person (someone from Laos and not Isaan) a mile away — they speak real Lao and not the Isaan dialect of it.

Here is Thai hooker math: FARANG> THAI MAN> LAO GUY

And then I think about my high school Laos friend in America. He was dark skinned, but his dad was an ex-general in Laos. Yet, they would’ve treated this guy like garbage, while Thai girls from the village teenager to the Patpong prostitute to the shop girls at The Emporium treat me like gold.

Ain’t that ironic!

The Boner

Stickman's thoughts:

It really is curious the way they treat their brethren.