How Many Other Sponsors Does Your Girl Have? – Part 2
How Many Other Sponsors Does Your Girl Have?
By Another Stupid Farang (aka RossUK)
Final Ramblings and lessons learned.
Now it is all over, here are a few parting thoughts, lessons that I have learned etc. I was planning to write a submission when Jeab had finished hair-school. It did not quite turn out as I had expected and I will probably never know whether she took her exam and graduated (actually the exam was probably bullshit). But I now have a very good haircut, so you could say “mission accomplished”. She now has the option of earning a “decent living” in the future if she chooses (bullshit). If a sponsor buys her a hair salon she will be setup for life.
Before I went to Thailand on business I had no intention of going with a bar-girl. I was there to do a job. So I did no prior research about “bar-girls”. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wish I had found Stick’s site before I went to Thailand. But my days of innocence were good days, the best days. The phrase “ignorance is bliss” is true. That is why I could not tell Jeab’s sponsor all about Jeab on this trip.
It is no mistake that they are called bar-girls. They work in bars and men go to bars and drink alcohol and before long rationality disappears. You mix horny men, alcohol and very attractive, and available woman, together with some money and the Farang sex industry is still flourishing in Thailand. Selling your body for money is not a the best way to live, and paying a woman for sex or companionship is not the best thing either. Not the basis for a relationship, but “something is better than nothing”.
My first mistake was to go with a bar-girl at all. Alcohol played a big factor in us meeting, her coming to Saraburi, and also on our parting. If I had not been drinking I would never have taken her to my hotel room in the first place. But, she gave me an experience in the early days, that was very good for me. The girls I am talking about are bar-girls that do not work as go-go girls.
My second mistake was to go with the first bar-girl available. I was soon aware that I could have caught a better fish. However, I had only one night in BKK before I had to go to Saraburi to work. I was not on holiday. On one lonely night in Saraburi, 100 km from BKK, I made that fatal call one night to Jeab, “Jeab can you join me in Saraburi”. If you have spent many lonely nights at home or hotels then you will know why I made that call. She came out the next day, I phone her and asked her where she was she said “I in the Saraburi Inn” and I was very happy.
My relationship with Jeab was not about great sex but companionship, eating alone in hotels around the world for the last twenty years is not great. But she also looked after me well, including the sex, which meant a lot to me and was one of the main reasons to continue the sponsorship. She would wash my cloths, put toothpaste on my toothbrush and wash me in the bath at night. We would watch Thai soap operas on TV together. I was lucky that she spoke good English so that we could communicate easily. She did not steal my money, did nor smoke or drink or take drugs. I could introduce her to my Thai friends with no problem. In hind-sight I had picked a woman who could also handle a middle-aged man, she can look after me in bed, not all bar-girls can do that, I would not have stayed with her if she could not. Probably a good choice. At weekends we stayed in the Imperial Queens Park hotel. I took her to Ko Samui for five nights on holiday and we had a nice time together. Those were my days of innocence and I was happy.
My third mistake was to sponsor her after my visit. After our four weeks together, I had already paid her off and I had discharged my duty. She had given me a nice time and looked after me very well and I had looked after her. BUT I took pity on her and wanted her to have a better life, just as she takes pity on her family and wants a better life for them. When she was living with me in Saraburi, I got emotional with her one night because I was worried about her and she told me “Don’t worry I can look after myself”, I should have taken her advice, yes she can look after herself, but I did not believe her at the time. I did not know that she had three other sponsors back then, if I had known, I would not have become sponsor number four. I do not despise those who have made the same decision to sponsor a bar girl. You want a better life for her, so that she does not have to fuck for a living. You might want to marry her or you might want to see her again on your next visit. The truth is that if she is young and attractive she is having the time of her life and does not want to leave the bar and she can bullshit you as much as she wants.
Sponsorship might make sense if you want to secure a particular girl for your next visit, that was one reason for me to continue sponsoring Jeab, however this failed for me on this visit, she had too many sponsors. Sponsorship does not secure her for you when you are not in Thailand i.e. it does not keep her out of the bar. If this is important to you then get her investigated by Stickman Investigations, or just accept that she is with other men when you are away. Sponsorship might succeed if you live in Thailand and you can check up on her, especially if she lives with you. If the girl is good looking then the chances are that she will have more than one sponsor. If two sponsors come to Thailand together she is going to have to work it out, use the sick sister routine or ditch one of the sponsors. The sick sister routine will still work even if you are working in Thailand.
The point is that the holiday visitor to Thailand does not know how the system works. But BKK residents and frequent visitors know how it works. The success of Stick’s site is because he found out about the system himself by being a resident in BKK. Unfortunately Sticks earlier articles are off-line at the moment, this article might make up for some of that missing information. Residents of BKK who frequent the bar-girl district all know girls who have several sponsors and who will pay for a night out if she likes him. I have heard of one girl who has three different coloured mobiles, one for each sponsor. When I was in BKK I heard that another girl had ditched her sponsor of four years when he came to BKK because she had found a richer sponsor.
There is the classic tale of one bar-girl who went to the airport to see her boyfriend off, he gave her a bunch of flowers and then she went to arrivals to meet the next one and gave him the bunch of flowers.
I also met another farang, he was in BKK for only two days some months ago, he had met a girl for only two days, was emailing her and he was already sending her money. I met him on the first day of his second trip. I told him to read Stickman. I later found out that she also had a another sponsor but they split five days before he arrived.
I know three girls who were engaged to farangs, all three worked in the bar and two of these went with customers, not sure about the third. When farang boyfriend is in town they stop working in the bar and go back to the bar when he leaves. Their sponsors were only sending about 10k. One girl told me, of course I go with customers, that is my job. There are some girls who work behind the bar and do not usually go with customers, the cashier for example, but even these get bar-fined sometimes.
If you are a newbie to Thailand, you might be under the impression that your girl will be lonely after you leave (no she wont). They are introduced to the industry by friends or relatives, in the bar I go to there are two sisters and one cousin working. The girls share rooms together etc. In Jeab’s apartment I know two other bar-girls that have rooms on the same floor. When I first met Jeab, I saw her tiny little room, I imagined her alone in her room after I left Thailand. She told me she was lonely by email, I worried about her alone in her room. The truth is that bar-girls have a network of friends, aided by that icon of bar-girl-land the mobile phone. Since then I have met Jeab’s friends. Please do not think she will be lonely after you leave, she will be back in the bar the next day looking for another punter, she will be eating Som Tam with her friends. The exception is the new girl on the block, but the other girls will look after her. She will be shy, afraid of a farang and will not speak good English and will be crap in bed.
If your girl speaks good English then she will have a good network of friends and has been in the bar business some time, and it will be a waste of time and money trying to rescue her. Sponsorship might just secure her as your girl friend on your next trip. You might be able to rescue a newbie bar-girl, but then it will also be very difficult to get a decent relationship with her because her English is poor. You might be able to marry a girl who has no sponsors yet and wants to marry a farang. You might also be able to rescue the older bar-girl who knows her time is up. Marrying a farang might be better than working in the rice fields until she dies. Jeab is still in her prime and does not want rescuing yet. It is a matter of timing.
Jeab played a very good game with me and made almost no mistakes, her last mistake was letting me see the TG 419 luggage tag and lying about it. Her first mistake was telling me that she did not always go to bar-school, sorry I meant hair-school, she gave an excuse of holidays, so I knew she was working in the bar some of the time. I did not let Jeab know that I realised she was working in the bar as I wanted to continue seeing her. Further, the hair course was not all day so she could still go hair school and still work in the bar. Her second mistake was that on one visit she was wearing four rings when I met her, but an hour later she arrived back just wearing the ring I had bought her. I kept my silence.
After reading Stickman my antennae was out to sniff out any mistakes. I visited her room many times and there was no evidence that there was another sponsor, everything was the same as my last visit. She had no new luxury items, apart from her mobile phone. The rings and gold were the same as before. Not one thing had changed, even on this visit. If she has many sponsors then she is saving the money and not spending it on herself. If she is a saver and not a spender or a gambler then good on her.
On previous visits to BKK, after I went back to Farangland she would SMS me “Though the distance keeps us apart your shadow is always on my heart”. That is too good to be true, who taught her that one? I am sure there is a bar-school. When I first sent her money she sent me a Yahoo greeting card. Sounds good doesn’t it? She is just reeling you in so that you continue to sponsor her. I checked through her earliest emails, it was also bullshit. “I am lonely”, “I miss you”, “I only go to bar to be with my friends and earn a little money (lady drinks) I not go with customer”. If you care for your girl then get her investigated, she might still work in the bar but not go with customers, but the chances are that she will be going with other customers, is that acceptable to you?
Not all girls are as clever as Jeab with six sponsors. Many are looking for their first sponsor and many want to marry a farang. A farang has money and will probably treat them better than their former Thai boyfriend or husband. I know one girl who is very pretty, lovely smile, nice personality, good body, speaks good English, she looks as good as Jeab if not better, but she has no sponsor yet. She says it is because she is not good in bed, but she has also had a baby which has ruined her body, you only find this out after you bar-fine her, but I am sure there is one sponsor out there for her who can accept this.
Stick was right when he said that you have to take the girl right away from the bar if you want to rescue her. If you live in Farangland this is difficult, she is not going to stay in her room pining away for you to return in six months, she will want to be in the bar with her friends. She might go back to the country and stay with family, but unlikely. Also Jeab’s hair school is in BKK. To keep her out of the bar it is best to live in BKK or in the country.
Jeab never asked me for money or to sponsor her. I was not asked, but I paid her 4,000 room rent for her when we were staying in Saraburi, I had enough common sense to figure that out. I gave her a little spending money, not much. She never asked me to pay her off after our four weeks together, but I knew I should. She never asked me to buy her gold. I think she even mentioned a dowry figure to me once. She was very subtle, she would drop a hint and if you love her or you pity her you want to please her, and you take the bait. She uses the power of suggestion.
Beware of any big requests for money. After Jeab had moved into my hotel in Saraburi she hinted that she wanted a house for her family, only 300k (7,500 USD). It happened like this, Jeab and I were at a party and she talks to a Thai guy, she then tells me, that he told her, to ask me to buy her a house. I had only just met the girl and I was not going to shell out 300k and she would still need a source of income. Instead of buying her the house, I figured that I would sponsor her going to hair school instead. I still do not know how the idea of hair school came about, but to me it meant more sense than just sending her money, I had a plan for her. In the end it would have been cheaper for me to buy her the house, but then I will still need to sponsor her so she would continue seeing me. Over a year later she now has a house in Buriram, paid for by sponsors money. If she continued as a hairdresser she would have requested that I buy her a hairdressing business for 300k. She already knew that I would not buy her a business.
Instead of buying a house if you are living with your girlfriend in Thailand, take out a mortgage instead. If you shell out 2M on a house and she dumps you, you loose all (maybe only a half if she is your wife, I think there is a new law on this). Jeab
already has a sponsor lined up who will buy her a house in BKK. If you take out a mortgage and she dumps you then you do not lose the capital and she has to pay the mortgage, making it less likely that she will dump you. Your monthly repayments
are 13,700 B and you have 12 years before you have spent 2M. By then you should have figured out whether you will stay together.
You might ask me why I did not abort the mission and cut my losses as soon as I had read Stickman? I could have done that, but I did not want to harden her against farangs, this was based on an article Stick wrote. In other words once you start the mission go through with it and I have been a stubborn farang on that one. I was only planning to sponsor her for two years, I had hoped that she could maintain herself as a hairdresser by then, she left me just before the two years were up. I also needed to find out for myself whether what Stick was saying is true. I guessed that she was still working in the bar and I also guessed she had one other sponsor. If you are a sponsor and living in Farangland then you need to think carefully whether to continue. After reading Stick’s site, I was always haunted by the question, “is she different from the other bar-girls” (no she isn’t). You will probably be saying to yourself as I did “but mine is different”, if you are serious about her then get her checked out by Stickman investigations, the cost is little compared to how much you send your honey. If she fails the test, which is very likely, then abort the mission and save yourself some money.
I also continued to sponsor her because I wanted to see her on my future visits to Thailand, better the devil you know etc. I knew that my company would send me to Thailand quite frequently. She had given me a nice time when I first met her, I will not forget that. But the relationship went down hill after our first time together, I will not forget how it ended either.
Although I had no evidence against her, the fact that she is a bar-girl is sufficient evidence against her, for you to get her investigated. Assume that she is guilty and that she has to be proved innocent. Remember this is Thailand not Farangland, where you are innocent before being proved guilty.
On my second and third visits she would bring her hairdressing dummy head to my room and practice her hairdressing stuff. She was putting on a show for me, I chuckled to myself because by then I had read Stickman. She also took me shopping to the hair shop to buy hair dressing stuff. On later visits she could cut my hair so at least I had some evidence in her favour. There is always some truth to a good lie, she was leading me on. But she had to work quite hard on this, she was working on her dummy while she could be watching TV.
Jeab can speak good English and write reasonable English, so we did have a relationship in which we could communicate, which is a requirement for me. It also means that she has been in the bar too long and she will be smarter than you (and can lie to you better). She did not require an English translator at an Internet café like many of them. She eventually got a computer with an internet connection in her room, and she can use a dictionary. I suggest that finding a girl who speaks reasonable English is a requirement if you want a meaningful relationship, even for one night or four weeks or longer. Do you really want to do sign language for the rest of your holiday? However, forget trying to rescue her, just have a good time.
Maintaining a long distance relationship is difficult at the best of times. It took me a huge amount of emotional energy to maintain this relationship with Jeab using text messaging and emails plus the odd phone call. After my first time with her I only had two photos of her, but she had a winsomeness about her that was very nice. Once, we were apart for about 7 months, and shit that was very difficult for me. Maintaining a long distance relationship is very difficult to do and I do not recommend it. It was more like a holiday romance, I should have paid her off and forgotten about her. Unless you can make very frequent visits to Thailand, I would not even consider trying to maintain a long distance relationship with a Thai girl. If you take two weeks holiday a year to Thailand, and you think your honey is pining away in her room for you to return, then forget it, she is not, your honey is with the next punter who comes along because she has to live, that is her job. If you are an oil worker with one month on and one month off it might be worth trying. I was lucky that my company sent me to Thailand two or three times a year for periods of three to seven weeks. In my opinion this is still not often enough. Her sponsor visits Thailand maybe five times a year for holiday.
Frankly, if you are a visitor on holiday to Thailand then love them, treat them good, pay them off when you leave and forget about them is the best policy. Giving them your email address may not be a good policy as you might be drawn into their spidery web of deceit. You know, you start corresponding and then come the requests for money and you might even become her sponsor. As soon as you leave them they will be back in the bar the next day or the next hour looking for another punter. The point is that as soon as you are out of Thailand they can do what they want and tell you any old tale about sick mothers or sisters. Jeab used the sick sister routine on me, demand receipts from her if she has medical bills to pay or you send her to hair school because then she will at least know that you are not just another stupid farang.
What about bringing a bar-girl back to Farangland? With Jeab and me this was never an option as she knew that I worked 7 months a year overseas. We never discussed marriage or her coming to the UK (thank God). She has tried to get visas to the UK and USA with other sponsors but failed. Frankly, I consider bringing a Thai girl back to Farangland to be cruel. The cultural differences are too great. There is the language difference (Thai-English or worst Thai-French). The religious difference, Jeab is a devout Buddhist. The food difference, finding Som Tam Lao is difficult in my part of Farangland (they use carrots instead of Papaya and I do not think they have the crabs).
I did meet an Indonesian girl 13 years ago and I seriously thought about marrying her. But my job takes me away for over half the year. I would suggest that the cultural differences are less with girls from the Philippines (most are Catholics, speak some English and eat similar food) or Russian brides (similar religion, English could be a problem, food is similar and they are looking for a family, also well educated, they also look Caucasian).
Jeab told me her life story, which made me pity her (watch out for that one). She also told me of the “big problem” in her life, her mentally ill sister. Watch out, that is the bait on the hook. You care for her sick sister just as you care for your girlfriend because you are a decent farang. But it also means that she can leave you at any time to care for sick sister (while she visits another sponsor) and she can demand money for sick sister’s medical bills.
If you do decide to sponsor a bar-girl then demand accountability. Ask for receipts for medical bills or hairdressing courses. Jeab has a “sick sister”, I once had to pay a huge amount for a hospital stay. I asked for the hospital receipt and I was never asked for hospital money ever since for “sick sister”. Although her “sister” has been sick since then. Her “sick sister” is also an excuse to leave you when another sponsor arrives. Jeab’s sick sister lives in Kuala Lumpur not in Buriram.
I also asked for receipts for her hairdressing course which I got, meaningless as they are in Thai, probably from a local restaurant. Keep them and find someone to translate for you, your hotel receptionist can do that, she will then know that she can lie to you a little bit less. You are not just another stupid farang. She will also know that you know the game. She can also cut my hair, so I know she has been to some hairdressing courses. I say “some” because I know she has not been to hair school for the full two years, she told me that. She still worked in the bar while going to hair school. If you want to “rescue” your girlfriend you have to live in Thailand.
I should have been more pro-active with Jeab. When she said, “I go to hair school”, I should have gone with her to hair school, I stayed in bed instead (it was my day off work). I tried to find out where she went to hair school, she gave me an address (she lied). If other sponsors read this then tell us how you make your girl account for her actions. As I said before, I asked for a receipt for “sick sister” hospital stay, I never had to pay for “sick sister” again. Jeab had to figure out new ways to hit me, the next one was for gold, watch out for that one, you will go for it just as I did (yes, I got hit for 3.5 Baht of gold) because you care for her and want to please her. And for really stupid farang it is for diamonds (sorry, I am being cynical). Watch out for the “I lost my mobile phone, I cry, I cannot phone you” or “my mobile phone broke”, how long after you sponsored her did she try that one? Of course she wants extra money for that.
I would suggest that forming a relation with a Thai girl is a lot easier if you live and work in Thailand. It is a different ball-park completely. I think Farang men can adapt to Thai culture easier than Thai girls to Farang culture. If you go with a Thai bar-girl in Thailand it is lot more difficult to bullshit you with the sick buffalo story. You will know whether she is going to the bar or not if she is living with you. It makes accountability much easier. If you are young you also have the chance to find none bar-girls, many are interested in young farang men.
The reason I got over the rather sudden and unexpected end to the relationship was that I was not committed to her to fulfil my life. I was committed for her to finish hair school. As a middle-aged man I was not a young man looking for a young wife to bring me future happiness, I was looking for a companion while I was in BKK. If I had been a thirty year old with my future ahead of me and maybe looking for a wife then I would have been devastated. Also I had read Stickman, so I was partly prepared, but not for five other sponsors, maybe only one other I thought.
As a single middle aged man I look back at the experience and I am thankful that a young girl did her best to look after me. In hind-sight she did a good job. We went on holiday together which I would not have done if I had not met her. I got to know her friends, she also got to know some of my colleagues. All a part of the BKK experience. In a phrase, it is better than no experience. I do not really mind the money, I can afford 20k a month out of income, but I cannot afford 300k for her house out of savings. Some guy is going to be stung for 2M for a house, I hope she is worth it mate.
Closure of a relationship can be both costly and painful in Farangland. How many of you have been through an expensive divorce, wanting closure to a painful relationship? I think that both of us were ready, but not in that way, she should have told me before I came to BKK. It was then obvious to me that she only wanted my money, she did not love me. She was doing her duty and I was doing my duty. This was probably true for my two previous visits, but I did not get it then. Sad but true.
Now we can both get on with our lives. I no longer have the financial burden of being a sponsor and she no longer has to care for a man she does not like. Needless to say, I wish her a good life and that she does not have to fuck fat farangs for a living. She at least has a choice, she can cut hair for living when she is ready. That is bollocks, she will not cut hair but manage a salon.
The last two years have been an emotional roller-coaster for me, more so because I had read Stickman and was wondering whether Jeab was the same as the other bar-girls, she was and is cleverer than most. If I had not read Stick’s site I would be blissfully unaware that as soon as I left Thailand she would be back in the bar with another Farang or sponsor. Ignorance is bliss, but the Internet now gives no excuse to be ignorant. As I have been to Thailand eight times, the first two I was not involved in the bar scene, I know from my own experience that this happens to other Farangs. Part of my roller-coaster experience was wondering whether this was true of Jeab, reading Stick made me almost paranoid on this. If you are really serious about your Thai GF then you should get a “Stickman Investigation” done on her. I did not do this because I had no evidence against her and I was not planning to marry her. I was also partly in on the game and was watching her, evidently I had also deceived her because she still thought that I thought she was no longer working in the bar. If you do have serious intentions for your Thai GF then please get her investigated, the cost is miniscule. Or you just have to accept that she is still working in the bar when you are not with her. I do not think that this makes her a “bad girl”, that is how she earns her living.
Thanks go to Stick and to DS who wrote one of the best articles on Stickman “Whether to Wai”. Both you guys have caused me a huge amount of grief as well as given me an education. I have been on the rollercoaster Stick, I am glad you got off it.
If you email me, please spare me the “I told you so” replies. I am only writing about my experience to enlighten other farangs, especially sponsors, you think you are the “only one”. Bullshit, if she is good enough for you to sponsor then she is good enough for others to sponsor.
In one of her last SMS Jeab told me that she “go back to work in the bar”. She still thought that I was a stupid farang, who thought she had left the bar in the first place. I found that rather amusing as she still did not know that I was on to her early on in our relationship. I had played my part as the stupid farang. She should have known that I was on to her because I teased her about “boyfriend number 2”.
I will never know the whole truth, this submission is just my side of it, I am sure that there are more layers to this onion that I will never know about. I hope it helps another sponsor. Good luck!