Readers' Submissions

1150

  • Written by Stick
  • August 5th, 2004
  • 4 min read

Anonymous submission


Or was it 1155……no no maybe it was 1122. WTF !! I wanted chicken and I wanted it now. I love KFC (sometimes). The craving overwhelms me and nothing else will do.

For those of you living here, you know that special number for sure. 1150.

It’s the KFC take out order number. Just manage to explain what you want. Set number one or two or whatever. But whatever you do, don’t try and order something different. Set one, two or three. Keep it simple or you will no doubt end up talking to that lovely Thai voice on the other end of the phone longer than it would have taken to drive down to the local KFC shop and order it yourself.

I ordered set two. Four pieces of chicken – hot and spicy of course, two coleslaws and two mashed potatoes. A simple order right? WRONG !! When the young boy arrives I found myself actually looking at him in the eyes. His face was spotless, beautiful smile, pressed shirt and pants. He proceeds to ask my name and then repeats the order in that familiar Thai accented English as he takes out the plastic bag from that HOT heavy duty bag that keeps things warm.

He shows me the bill and says in perfect English, "Two hundred baht sir." Now I am thinking: Not more than twenty-five minutes ago I ordered Set two. He just left the chicken shop on his motorbike a few minutes ago. He manages to weave in and out of traffic at hair raising speeds for nearly five miles without having an accident, parks his motorbike outside the condo, runs upstairs and presents my box of chicken without a bead of sweat on his face. F’ing amazing. Hell, I am sweating after three minutes outside the condo.

I still find myself looking at him in the eyes. I imagine him in a short skirt with a long haired wig and presto……there is that sexy ladyboy I saw on the beach last night. Just kidding….

But seriously, I find myself watching people more closely nowadays. I can spot a katoey so much easier than when I first moved over here. In fact the katoeys are looking better and better to me. I have chatted with a few and they are so much nicer to talk to than most of the ladies working the bars in Pattaya. Do I need glasses? Am I a latent gay who finally has been allowed to explore the "other side". A side that I repressed for decades in Farangland? I really don’t know.

But I do know that I want to try a katoey. Maybe just have a drink or some food together. I want to know about this third sex we have Thailand. I feel like it’s my first date as a kid when I think about asking one of these lovely creatures out for dinner. How do I ask him…..err…. her out for the evening? Will she think I am lying if I told her how cute she looks? Will she just want to have sex and skip the dinner date?

But she stands just like I do when peeing !!!

Or does she?

I will deal with this dilemma later. And later just may be tonight. Tonight may be the night. It was.

Her clothes are spotless. Her nails are lovely. She walks and talks so nice it really is delightful being in her company. They are not on the mobile phone every five minutes. They don’t look at every farang that walks by as the girls seem to do. She actually seems interested in talking. She can actually have a conversation. The eye contact is there. The smile is quick and her manners are so charming. I think she likes me. I like her. It was actually fun.

Anyway, the KFC guy tells me the amount in perfect English and I pay up including a well deserved tip. After the Sawadee Krup and wai, he leaves. I open my little plastic bag full of chicken and enjoy my farang food. But wait !!! Where are my potatoes and coleslaw? Rats. They forgot to put in the potatoes and coleslaw. Normally back in my country I’d be annoyed and call the chicken shop up and ask "what the fuck are you people thinking about. I just ordered number two which was four pieces of chicken, a styrofoam cup of coleslaw and potatoes. And you forget the styrofoam cup of coleslaw and potatoes."

Ah but this Thailand. Things aren’t perfect but they are close enough for me. I finished my chicken and I’m still thinking about those lovely brown eyes and those four perfectly spoken English words of that KFC guy……

Two hundred baht sir.

Stickman's thoughts:

Oh boy….they're all coming out of the woodwork today.