Don’t Ask About The Ladyboys On Samui

I've traveled quite a bit over the last 15 years, but an evening I spent in Koh Samui a few months back ranks as one of the strangest ever. We flew into Samui with the intention of making it over to Koh Phangan for some relaxing beach time, but quickly discovered that all accommodation on Phangan was booked, due to the upcoming full-moon rave. We ended up in a bungalow on Chaweng beach and decided to lie low for a couple of days. I had enjoyed myself thoroughly in Bangkok the previous week with the help of Ping, an absolutely stunning bargirl from Soi Cowboy. But now I was going through withdrawal symptoms, and I was on the lookout for some new talent down on the islands to get me up again. After a rough afternoon of frisbee, cards, and Singhas, I decided to go for a Thai traditional massage on the beach. At this point, I noticed a cute Thai girl looking at me and smiling. When I returned the smile, she just giggled and kept staring at me. Well, she was obviously trying to pick me up, so once the massage ended, I chatted with her a little and invited her out to dinner. Her name was Piow, and she was 19 years old and smoking hot. As it turns out, one of my travelling buddies also had his eye on her, and he became jealous when I picked her up. I discussed the problem with Piow and she suggested that I bring him out to some clubs after dinner to meet some of her friends. Sounded reasonable enough.

After dinner, she headed home to change clothes, and my buddy and I headed off to the bars for an early round of Singhas. Well, she showed up at the bar about an hour later with two girls in tow. One of the girls was quite hot, but seemed decidedly unhappy. The other girl was cheerful enough, but unfortunately not that attractive. We invited them all into the bar for drinks, and they told us that they couldn't go into the bar. Instead they suggested going to another bar where, apparently, the unhappy girl's husband works. We begin meandering past bars arguing about what we are going to do, and Piow spots some farang in one of the bars and runs over to him. After a few minutes, she returns and tells us that my buddy and I should go off with her two friends and she'll meet us later. At this point, I was starting to become annoyed. Why couldn't she and her friends just come and have a f#$&ing drink in the bar with us? I told her I wanted to hang out with her–not her friends, one of whom was apparently married. Piow then became a little upset, but quickly resigned herself to hanging out with me for the evening.

I suggested we go back to the original bar and have a drink. They agreed to this, and we all walked back to the bar (the same one they earlier claimed they couldn't go into). At this point my friend is becoming a little disillusioned with these girls, and I'm starting to have my doubts about the whole evening. So we start checking out some other girls, just to see what the options are. We spot what appear to be two attractive Thai girls, and my buddy wanders off to go talk to them. Piow notices this and asks me why my friend is talking to a ladyboy. I'm a little incredulous that these aren't girls, but it's dim and they are twenty feet away, and I figure she knows what she's talking about. When my buddy returns, I start needling him about having talked to a ladyboy. He also can't really believe it, but we begin having a lively discussion about whether these are actually girls or not. Well, Piow's cheerful but unattractive friend, perhaps feeling slighted by my buddy's lack of attention, decided to join the fray and tells my buddy (quite loudly) that if he doesn't believe that they're ladyboys, he should go with them and find out for himself. Our discussion quickly ends a few minutes later as the bar is closing.

It is now 2 a.m. and the bar crowds are spilling out into the street. As we are walking out, I see a shower of sparks come from Piow's direction, as one of the ladyboys in question puts her cigarette out on Piow's cheek. What the f**&#? The ladyboy starts screaming at Piow (in a rather deep tone) that she's not a ladyboy, all the while confirming it for us all. Then, she slaps Piow quite hard across the cheek. At this point, I'm pretty angry since Piow really had nothing to do with this situation, as it was her unattractive friend who had loudly proclaimed that my buddy should go check on the ladyboy's gender. So I stepped in and shoved the ladyboy back about ten feet. The ladyboy then gets on her cell phone, hops onto the back of her friend's moped and tells me I had better watch myself walking home, and speeds off. I start imagining a gang of ladyboys returning in a few minutes, armed with knives ready to kill to me, but I'm not about to abandon this adorable girl who's just been assaulted by a loony ladyboy.

A small crowd has gathered to witness the altercation, and the police are called. Piow's unhappy friend disappears into the night. Perhaps 30 minutes later, a couple of policemen roll up on motorcycles. They listen in a thoroughly disinterested way as Piow and her other friend, both of whom are on the verge of tears, recall the story. The cops puff on their cigarettes, mill about, and don't say a single word. After listening to the girls' account of the assault, the policemen beckon across the street, at which point the ladyboy in question miraculously appears from the crowd and walks over. The ladyboy and the policemen have a brief discussion, and then a strange thing happens. The policemen take the ladyboy and Piow aside, at which point the two appeared to apologize to each other, as if after a playground fight. And that was that.

Everyone began to leave and I walked Piow back to her moped. During the walk, she abruptly bursts into tears. I tried consoling her, telling her that the burn on her face will heal, that it wasn't a big deal, and so on. Then she tells me that she is crying not because of the assault, but because her boyfriend went home with another girl. What the f*&%? I'm seriously starting to wonder what planet I've landed on. From what I can piece together, the farang who she ran over to earlier in the night was her "boyfriend", and seeing that Piow was staying with me, decided to take home some other girl. This was the most distressing aspect of the evening for her, apparently.

I brought Piow back to my bungalow, where we spent the rest of the night in each other's arms. In the morning, she gathered her things, kissed me goodbye and left. Many girls have come and gone since then, but I'll never forget that face or that f#$%ed up evening.

Stickman's thoughts:

Shit, that is a screwed up evening all right.