Stickman Readers' Submissions March 9th, 2004

A Normal Thai Girl On ICQ

It's with a heavy and somewhat broken heart that I have decided to add my story of Thai romance and betrayal to this collection. My marriage started going sour several years ago and finally I decided that I had enough, got separated, and prepared for divorce. I decided that a trip to Thailand might be just what I needed after years of a bad marriage. Of course, a foreign country can be a lonely place to go alone, so I decided to see if I could meet several nice Thai girls on the Internet (ICQ) to chat with and how knows?

I met quite a few nice Thai girls, but Y (not her real name) was the one I decided to spend my time with and meet. Y was 25, worked as a librarian and was in a relationship with a 39-year old Thai guy living abroad who was cheating on her. I couldn't understand why on earth she would be in such a relationship and told her she deserved much better. Y had no problem flirting with me either, however, and soon I was calling her ever week to see how she was doing. A few red flag appeared right away: She sent me lots of pictures, in which she posed and looked sexy. I had no illusions that I was the only guy that she sent these pictures to, or that she told how much she missed, etc. But, what the hell; I did the same thing to a certain degree.

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We meet online in February and I told her I would visit her in Thailand in May or June. I don't make any judgments about others, but for me the Thai bar girl scene – or the whole idea of paying for sex – is quite repugnant and I had no intention of being a sex tourist. No, I didn't have any illusions that I would meet the love of my life and that this was some pure, innocent Thai girl, but I was hoping on making a new friend and probably some romance.

Then I called Y in April. She was incredibly awkward and abrupt on the phone and it was obvious that some guy was with her. I quit contacting her for about a month after that. Then after a month, I got an e-mail asking if she was still coming to Thailand, and best of all, she had finally broken up with her loser boyfriend. I forgot about the strange phone call and booked my flight.

Y was gorgeous. We met at the airport and had sex within an hour of meeting. A red flag for me, but I wasn't very serious at this point, so I wasn't complaining. Sometime later we got talking about past sexual partners. She said she had been with 5 guys before me; including the guy she was with when I called her. This last guy bothered me a little bit, because he was from NZ and was obviously a sex tourist. But, I love sex more than most people, so who was I to judge? Anyway, 2 weeks went by, and I found myself being more and more drawn to this delicate creature. Y wasn't a bar girl, but she was quite poor and lived alone with her fish in a small apartment. More and more I found myself wanting to take care of her, love her, and give her a good life. Y was also BY FAR the most amazing lover I've ever had. I wouldn't have believed it possible how many times she and I would have sex in a day.

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My 2 weeks with Y were over way too soon and I flew home. We talked almost every day by MSN and the Internet after that. I didn't send Y money regularly, but I bought her an expensive Palm Pilot with a digital camera for her birthday and quite a few other gifts. In the fall I bought a Thai phone card and started calling her everyday.

Still… her past flirting with the NZ guy and others haunted me somewhat. I found Stickman's site during this time, and a lot of the stories about non-Thai bar girls seemed to ring true to me.

Then one day on MSN Y, for God knows what reason, invited me to chat with her former 2 week NZ lover! I was furious that she was still in contact with him and at her stupidity for thinking we would want to talk to each other. She was very sorry and cried and sent me the history of the conversation with him – no, she hadn't really done anything wrong, but it was obvious he was trying to get her back and I was pissed that she would still talk to him. I also ask how many guys she had slept with before me after this incident. The answer: Three: Her 39-year old boyfriend, NZ guy, and me. Hmmmm… Wasn't it 5 before?

So I ask her about this. She had forgotten how much she had told me before and started messing up her answers pretty badly. Finally she said she would tell me the truth and that I would hate her: She had slept with 6 guys before me. I told her I didn't hate her and I didn't hate her for her past. I just wanted her to be honest with me. I hadn't really been honest with Y either – I had told her I was divorced, which wasn't exactly true. So my own truth came out – that I was only separated. Irrespective of my future with Y, I decided that I really needed to move on with my life and get a divorce.

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Y seemed like she was very much in love with me. She even changed her MSN screen name to "Y for Jon". Almost all of my trust issues had disappeared at this point. I knew Y had lied and fooled around in the past, but she was obviously so in love with me now that I realized I was just being insecure and paranoid. I decided it was time for another 2 weeks in Thailand.

Y was even more beautiful than ever. The 2 weeks we spent together were even better. I spent two days at her workplace, which was a little boning, but I wanted to see more of her life. Although 95% of me trusted Y at this point, I still had some reservations. She had asked me for money once in December because she didn't have enough to pay her bills. And she didn't seem to have any problems spending my money in Thailand: I bought her an expensive cell phone, digital camera, printer… and more than $750 having professional pictures taken with her. This seems crazy, I know, but supposedly she had already paid for them with her ex-boyfriend, who she was engaged with. I was flattered that she wanted to take them with me – but it would have been nice if she had mentioned she only paid for the paltry $100 deposit instead of the entire amount. And a final red flag: When we were talking about marriage and US citizenship I mentioned that foreigners had to be married for 5 years or they would lose their citizenship. Right away she asks "But if you marry someone else right away you don't lose it do you?" Hmm… I felt a little guilty doing it, but I still had a few nagging reservations, so I copied her MSN histories on both her home and work computer and e-mailed it to myself.

This time I got to see a lot more of Thailand meet many of her friends. OK… at the risk of sounding arrogant, I'm a pretty good-looking guy, and haven't really had a problem getting a date at home in the U.S.A. But in Thailand – God, you'd think that I was Brad Pitt the way her friends drooled over me. Finally our second two weeks were over. I flew home, totally in love and planning how Y would visit me in the USA in 3 months.

When I got home, I checked my e-mail and found Y's MSN histories that I had e-mailed myself. I almost deleted them… Y knew that I wasn't some lair who just wanted to sleep with her and I trusted her. No need to drag up the dead past. Still…

Hmm… wait a second. Who's this Italian guy she slept with just a few weeks AFTER her NZ affair and just TWO WEEKS before she meet me this June??? I ask her about it on MSN. She denied it all at first, of course, until she obviously realized I knew. So she said she wasn't sure things would work between us so she had "spares.” And more truth came out. It seems there were more than 7 guys; how many I don't know – just that Y said she was a slut and hated her past. Why couldn't I forget it and give her a new chance. Maybe… except that she slept with TWO MORE guys after we meet in June! No matter that I called her almost every day, sent her presents and money…

So there's my Thai girl experience – sadly not much different from many other stories here. The truth is that I'm pretty sure that I really did treat Y very differently from the other guys in her past. She said that when I had listened to her about her previous sex partners she realized she would lose me if she kept flirting with guys on the Internet, so she stopped everything. I do know that she quit her ICQ account then and her MSN message history at that time seems to confirm this too. She said she couldn't tell me about all her previous partners because she was a slut and there are so many and I would hate her for it, so she only told me about the important ones. She did tell me a few times while I was down in Thailand that nobody had ever treated her like I did before. And that I made her respect herself – something she had never done before. I didn't understand what she meant by that really until I got back.

I don't know what to think really. So maybe Y is a different person for 2 months – big deal. She also had no problem accepting hundreds of dollars of gifts, talking to me on the phone every day while she was getting laid by two different guys.

I'm no saint and I don't want to judge someone on their past, but I'm thinking at this point that I'm going to dump her.

Although I've only been in Thailand for 2 months, here's my advice to other naive farangs who want to meet Thai girls on the Internet.

1. You've heard it in almost every story here, but once more: Be Careful!
Thai girls are the most incredible liars you will ever see. They tell you everything you've ever wanted to hear – and none of it's true.

2. I think the honesty factor on the Internet is VERY LOW. If I were to do things over, maybe I would make a few friends or acquaintances on the Internet a month before I visited and then meet them. Better yet, why not forget the Internet altogether and ask out that nice-looking receptionist or clerk? Many of Y's friends seemed VERY nice.

3. If it's too good to be true it probably is. If a girl is amazingly easy to talk to and great at flirting she's probably doing it with a dozen other guys. How fast you can get in her pants is probably another good sign about her character.

Anyway, that's all. I hope some love-struck farangs find this helpful. I would appreciate any input about what to do with Y as it's still up in the air.

Stickman says:

It is unfair to call Thai women big liars based on this one girl you met. Most Thai women are honest and faithful, but Thai women who actively play “hunt the farang” online are hardly the most honest or faithful around. For what its worth, very few Thai people would admire this sort of behaviour at all.

Meeting women online is fraught with problems because of the huge opportunities to meet great numbers of people. Add to this the fact that more and more “modern” Thai women seem to think nothing of dating more than one guy, then you see that you have a minefield to contend with.

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