Trip Two: Lust
“Lust” is the nickname I’m going to give my pal.
My pal “Lust” had separated from his wife some 6 months prior to this trip (She’d run away with a much poorer, uneducated person after 24 years marriage– not just Thai girls ehh!), and he was looking for someway of getting his head back in order, along with other parts of his body that he wasn’t sure still functioned. (He took Viagra with him just in case!) So I suggested 1 week in China and a week in Thailand at the end of November 02. Flying first into Thailand for one night only, before jetting off to Shanghai for a tour of China before returning to Bangkok.
We hurriedly unpacked our bags with anticipation of the night ahead. (How many times have I read that?)
I had filled him in on what little I new about Bangkok, and this time I had done a little research. Didn’t find Stickman’s web site, sorry – but found various others, and a guide to Soi Cowboy, which was just around the corner from our hotel!
So off to Soi Cowboy, and into the infamous Dollhouse.
The moment I walk in through the door, I catch the eye of a beautiful creature in little more than a tiny piece of my Aunt's lace tablecloth. Of course I try not to take too much notice because the web sites suggest I must be select, and not hire the first sweetie that comes my way. It is after all only 8.30, and the first night.
So, she smiles, I pay her barfine, she’s dressed and by my side. Now a question, Why do that?
I have read numerous submissions suggesting this is the best way to reserve your beauty, before being left with ugly ones!
Frankly I think that’s rubbish, unless you’ve been going 5 times a year for 20 years, which makes you the most fussy person on the planet, or you’ve got a face that looks like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle and your simply too ugly and don’t attract them, (God how hideous would you have to be!) most of the girls I’ve seen are beautiful, not fussy about you, unless you look like a teacher, and besides, if you were at home in Farangland, drinking as much as your drinking when you go into these places, therefore looking through the bottom of a beer glass (Or Bacardi Breezer bottle!) you’d be a lot, no, LOADS less fussy.
So, Its an easy answer, she’s got a body to die for, a smile that melts butter – “That will do”, Oh, and she’s trained in the art of “Stupid Farang”:
She wanted her bar fine paid, she wanted to stop dancing, she wanted to eat and drink on my account all night, she wanted to sleep in an air-conditioned room, with nice clean sheets, and a mini bar, she knows I’m only going to last 5 minutes. (Including a smoke and a cup of tea)
Meanwhile I kid myself that she’s the best looking here, and if I don’t pay her barfine, I’ll end up with one of the ugly ones, after all theirs only 40 or 50 attractive one’s left in this bar, and theirs only 20 or 30 other bars left in this Soi, and 5 hours till closing!
(I read Stick's weekly report the other day suggesting he only found a few of them beautiful these days…Ahhh, Love is blind Stick!)
My pal on the other hand, is more select, he takes at least 4 minutes to choose his, and she’s also barfined, and seated beside him within 5 mins of us walking through the door –Clever Bargirls / Stupid Farang – take your pick.
Back at the hotel by 11pm, and good time had by all. (It’s a shame some submissions have to go into detail here)
Hell, if you can’t beat '''em, join ''em, so… mine had multiple orgasms, really enjoyed both minutes, and I don’t remember her actually asking for the money I gave her.
After breakfast, my pal wants to escort his girl home!
“What the Hell!” Why do people want to take their prostitute home? Perhaps I’m the sad one, but I know they can make it home on their own? (Maybe its sad having breakfast with them?)
We’ve all swapped mobile numbers, (She told me she loved me, what else was I expected to do!) Off we go to China – part business and part touring (I’m in Asia mostly on business but manage to wangle a few days sightseeing, my pals on Hols- Must tell you about the girls in Shanghai some time “Dust mites” I think I’ll call the submission!), we return to Bangkok.
We have received lots of SMS messages from our “Friends” whilst in China.
Which I still find strange. Strange because I’ve had one or two prostitutes before in my
Life. (I tried marriage, and going to wine bars, but these girls are bloody expensive – I mean really bloody expensive. I’m still paying $1600 per month for a house I will never live in, and a further $1300 a month for children that don’t want to see me (I’m boring apparently – their teenagers!) and also marriage is like (Sorry Stick) being in debt to the mafia, your constantly reminded that no matter what you do to please them, it is never enough, – I recall a picture of a beautiful woman I looked at the other day, and underneath it said, “No matter how beautiful she is, theirs somebody out there fed up with her Shit!”….
Anyway, I digress) so, until I went to Thailand, I had never had a prostitute call me afterwards, so it was a novelty.
But then again this is Thailand, and they’re not really prostitutes are they, well they are technically, in an Oxford English Dictionary type way, but they're not. Well, those that have been to Thailand will know what I mean. They are, kind of, but only technically, Look, I probably love one now, so I don’t think of her as a prostitute, more a working girl… No…. Professional girlfriend, it sounds more, more…
Yes, ok, she’s a prostitute, but that always conjures up images of Paris, or Amsterdam –
Thai working girls are much, much, better than that, in a different way – They're like a girlfriend – They rapidly become one if you don’t ditch them quickly, or if you write to Stick about how proud you are that you didn’t pay her any money– oh fool you, she’s now your girlfriend, guaranteed!, though possibly the cheapest girlfriend you’ll ever have (unless you really are stupid Farang), and even better these are young and sexy, and make you feel young too, and are fairly undemanding over all, and don’t want expensive meals out, and don’t knock on your apartment door at 9am because you didn’t call them when you were supposed too (Unless you live there!), and don’t nag (Except for the odd gold chain or two) and don’t complain about your snoring, and love your bald patch (Whoolan Farang as I fondly nicknamed) and make all the right noises at the right times……oh my, Thai bargirl / progirlfriends are great!
Anyway, those that have never been before won’t read this web site mostly until its too late, and they’ve become your professional girlfriend, so speaking too people who don’t read this web site, they assume it’s like Paris / Amsterdam… (Have I digressed again?)
So I certainly didn’t expect, love and best wishes, from her and I love you long time, You good sanuk, and have big Jai Dee, want see you more, etc – what’s the saying? –
“I pay her not to sleep with me, but to piss off in the morning”
Glad I gave her my mobile number! (Why did I also give her my office number?)
Stupid Farang/Clever Bargirl, take your pick
So we get back to Bangkok Airport, as usual pay far too much for the taxi to the hotel (I’ve sorted that one now, so no emails about that, thank you, I only pay 1000 baht into town now!) Straight into Dollhouse again, perhaps 11.30pm on the Sunday. Only minor problem, I told my Progirl that I wouldn’t be there till Monday as I thought we’d arrive too late to go out, so mines not there – obviously taking a day off (Yeah right!). I try to call her, but no answer? she must have gone to bed early (Yeah right, kind of!)
My pals Girl is here though, but he’s finding the extra attention a little too much, and fancy’s a change tonight.
A note to the wise, these girls are far more animated the second time around, and kind of know the score with you, so in our case didn’t wait to ask for a drink, rather simply ordered, and popped the bill into our little mug, which is quite sweet, then bought a friend of hers a drink, and popped the bill into our little mug, nice, then the mamasan’s drink, cool, then people she didn’t know all that well… HELL! Yes, watch out folks, before you know it, half of Soi Cowboy pops in to meet your girl’s new best friend.
So my pal decides to chop his in, I have no choice (other than an early night!) but to select a new one, but I warn my pal that ridding himself of his might not be so easy.
“Oh no” I say, “you can’t do that, you’ll upset her”
“But you’re going to have someone else, right?”
“Well of course, mines not here to upset”
“OK I’ll keep mine another night, but…”
“Good, I’m having that one with the big smile”
“That one” Pointing in the general direction of…. most of the girls
Another good time had by all, and generally a fair to average performance from our girls (Nuff Detail?)
Monday Night…. OH SHIT,
Sunday night’s girl has told last week’s girl that she went with me.
Last weeks girl is VERY hot under the collar about it, and, I am lectured about bargirl etiquette, and that I shouldn’t have slept with Sunday night's girl– a girl “I no like” she told me.
I apologize (enjoying the attention though) and do my best to show her I am sorry (Well undo her thong string a few times, and put her hand on my Willy until it grows, and affectionate stuff like that)
The Sunday girl meanwhile, has told all the other girls I have a little todger, and the girlfriend (As she was now demanding I call her!) is keeping me well away from anyone else. (And not actually denying that previous bit of news, which is somewhat annoying, because…I don’t have to explain myself here)
“Pay my Bar fine, we go food,” she says to me
“But I’m not sure that I want you tonight…. (She cries) Oh OK, here’s some money”
“Where is your friend”? (She’s finished crying!)
“Um, he’s changing his girl tonight”
“But his girl will cry, and get very upset”
“That’s OK, she’s a Bar Girl” “They get upset, but only crocodile tears”
(My girl spontaneously erupts into tears again – I buy her roses!)
“She is my best friend, your friend cannot treat her this way” (Stopped crying!)
“OK, OK, Let me see what I can do”
Return to bar, greeted with little finger being waggled at me (Its really not that bad, I’ve never had any complaints, I’m sure its above average, its quite…look I don’t have to explain!
I say “Lust” “You cannot change your girl tonight”
“Cos she’s my girlfriends best friend”
“But, But, I want to change…” “Did you say girlfriend?”
“Not tonight OK…please?” “And yes, she insists I call her my girlfriend”
“OK” “snigger”….”girlfriend”, you’re stuck with that one for the rest of the week”
“I’M NOT,” I tell him (Of course I am, in fact I’m stuck with her now, but in a kind of Happy, nice way!)
Another good time had by all (I took 10 mins this time, including a Big Cigar after! – all that talk of smoking my Cigar made me want one!). I appear to have paid quite a lot of money more than my pal. I cannot understand why he pays less each day, where I pay more? (Obviously, he’s getting to understand the score, but I’m in Love!)
“I stay your hotel room, I tired and want to sleeping” – gives me a silver ring from her finger, explains this is a boyfriend / girlfriend type thing that only happens in Thailand. (Took it back at the end of the week?)”But I’m not your boyfriend” I pro-test
“You my boyfriend, you wear my ring, you mine now”
“Um, OK, here’s some money”
Well, I guess your getting the picture. My pal changed his girl on the Wednesday, and put up with lots of tears for 2 to 3 mins, I kind of kept mine all week. I appear to have shelled out 20,000 baht plus by the end of the week (two girls). My pal paid 12,000.
And had 14 girls – Long & short times (Pool, what a wonderful game can be had in Thailand – when I used to go to my local to play pool and have a pint, I never got to shag the girl afterwards for £7.00– we should have some of that here in England, perhaps someone wants to go halves with me? The local club here is called “Pockets” – perhaps we could take this over, make it nice and expensive and call it “Deep Pockets” – Brings a new meaning to “Cover charge” and “Members Only” – oh I’m having fun with this – anyone got any more?)
Actually it was a revelation to me to find one that will “Do pretty much everything, and very well” so why change the girl?
Yep -Another load of crap from readers submissions– you can’t get rid of them without considerable upset, and hardship, and if your remotely soft in the head, as I am, and many of the readers, you keep them for piece and quiet, then spend the whole time watching (not literally) your pal shag everything in sight, and regret not being tougher.
Meanwhile, you pretend you’re in love, though its actually just lust!
Regardless of how old you are, its lust. BIG BIG lust. If your married you won’t recognize it, because you’ve probably trained yourself to look away quickly when a beautiful woman walks past for fear of an ear bending, but in a bar in Bangkok, you think your in love.
If you’re single, you recognize it as lust, but its lust like you’ve never had before, so it must be love. Whichever, its still Lust, lust that brings those 10,000 years of evolution straight back to the groin area. We desperately want to procreate (Oh god, some of you readers wont understand that word – it means Fuck…..OK!) with these girls, and spread our genes across Asia. I mean, don’t you get the urge to grab them by the hair and drag them to a cave somewhere, or ok, in our present century, hold their hand and take them too a hotel – same thing. There's nothing strange about this, thousands of years of evolution told us too, and these girls just happen to be the type that our bodies tell us to lust after. Lust, just like a teenager when you lust after your geography teacher – boy she had a nice arse, and she would smile at me, then look over her spectacles at me, then she’d turn back to the blackboard, and I would rest my head on my chin and sigh, and look at her bottom again. You could see her knickers line. Oh how I wish thongs had been fashionable then.
(I think I’ve gone off on one again…?
Anyway the week goes by, the same thing every night, various bars, (I’m working in the day, my pals on holiday, so he procreates! what he can, when he can) I go back to my hotel room to find mini bar empty, visitors been and gone, and my “girlfriend” sleeping in a pigsty. And she immediately wants to go out drinking, when I’m tired – I give her money, she goes, I sleep, and sometimes we meet up later.
One night I take her to a fancy restaurant; she pushes food around her plate, then, when we leave, immediately buys street food. Quality girl, eager to impress me, I can tell. Her love for me is so great!
Oh, before I sign off for this trip, I want to tell you that I like to hold her hand when we walk in the street, but she doesn’t like it. (Perhaps I should grab her hair?)
I wanted to show off my beauty, she’s mine after all, bought and paid for, but she just lets go the moment I stand aside for some poor old lady carrying a heavy load. (Around every corner) I give up eventually, and resign myself to being her customer.
It’s a strange world out there – you’d think she’d enjoy showing me off. I paid for everything all week, I’m only a little bit bald, and I’m not quite obese, and only 16 years older than her. Ah well!
Stupid Farang/Clever Bar Girl – Take your pick!
Airport – lots of tears (Not mine!) I fly home.
So summary: Heart intact, Good work & Good Play..Cheaper than a girlfriend in England!
Lust…it has got many men into hot water.