Readers' Submissions

Another Perspective

  • Written by Anonymous
  • January 15th, 2003
  • 3 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

by JJ


I have been going to Thailand since 1984. First as a young Army Sergeant, progressing through my years into a business owner in California now. I have read all of your reader submissions and everyone has their own position. Most of them touting the "Evil Bar Girl". Situations worldwide are what you make of them. Those that get taken by these Evil Bar Girls are their own victims. Over the past 19 years I have been back to Thailand at least twice a year. Sometimes to Bangkok and most of the time to Pattaya. I am NOT a sex tourist. Yes I have gone to the go go bars, beer bars and disco's and yes I have taken girls from all three venues. Sometimes I go for work and sometimes I go for pleasure, I have relatives and friends who live in Thailand.

I have seen numerous friends, including my brother, marry Thai Bar Girls. 90% of these marriages were out of love and worked out. My Sister in law now lives in Hawaii with my brother and they go to Thailand at least twice a year. Sometimes they have their issues, but they have a very good relationship. Relationships too are what you make of them. These guy's on your web site who get on their soap boxes about the "Evil Bar Girls" are probably victims of their own stupidly. If you are aware of the Bar Girl mentality, (Take what you can from the stupid farang), then you cannot be taken advantage of!! I have numerous friends who are bar girls. They stay in touch with me and in turn share their feelings with me.

One thing is certain. Thailand is a very poor country for a majority of the populace. The only way for a family to make it is for the young girl to go sell herself into the sex trade. These girls live very hard lives, mostly losing their virginity to some fat sex tourist by rape at 16 or 17 years old. Can you blame them for hating men. Can you blame them for trying to take everything they can. When you get to know these girls as friends my heart goes out to them. I have helped several get out of the bar business and go to school. They do not deserve the life that was forced on them or some jerk to be disrespectful to them. It was once said "Treat a hooker like a lady and a lady like a hooker and she will respect you more". This really works.

I have had more serious relations with these bar girls as well. It is hard for them to get close to you because they cannot show their feelings or emotions. It takes a long time to gain their trust, but these girls are the same as girls all over the world. Unfortunately most of the country bumpkin Thai families get reliant on this great income coming from their little bar girl. They are lazy and do nothing while this money comes in. they seem to spend / waste it all. The life (work expectancy) of the average Bar Girl is from 17-22. Sometimes you see older ones but the younger crop keeps coming in. So at the young age of 22-25, this Bar Girl is ready for retirement. That means marrying someone and getting the hell out!! Unfortunately she is carrying around the mental and emotional baggage from her last 5-7 years of work. Her parents and family have also wasted all of the money she gave them, sold all of the land she bought for them and spent it in karaoke bars. They will then ask for a large dowry and monthly payments to live. The Thai Bar Girl will accept this as she has been trained to take care of the family. It has been said "You don't just marry the Thai Girl, you marry her family too".

If you can accept all of this then you can have a relationship with a bar girl. Are these girls different from the girls the world over. Maybe a little. If you can understand where they are coming from and what they have had to go through that will help you understand them.

Stickman says:

Hmmm, I am not so sure. These girls are country girls from a background so very, very different from what the average Westerner is used to, or has experienced. To expect that they can simply be transplanted into the West and expect things to work because it is based on love is in my opinion, awfully optimistic.