Stickman Readers' Submissions January 9th, 2003

A Guide To Phuket

Mai Pen Rai Ni Koh Phuket


Welcome to a Guide to Naughty Nightlife in Phuket. Let me start by saying I am a huge fan of The Stickman and I read his site regularly as it helps me to remind myself not to get to attached to the BG's I meet in this country. As I am a regular visitor to Phuket I thought that Stick's site was missing a great part of the experience that could be had in this part of the world, that of Phuket. For me, I find that Phuket provides the best experience to be had in LOS. Of course what you are about to read is simply my view and experiences that I have had in over 10 years of coming to LOS. Everyone has their own opinions (what's that about opinions and arseholes), and this is simply mine. I would like to give you an idea of who I am as well. Hopefully this will help you to decide on references I give as different people want different things from their Thailand experience.

He Clinic Bangkok

I am a 33 year old Aussie working in the world of Computer Contracting, which affords me the pleasures of earning a nice living, while being able to take long periods off for holidays to Thailand. My first trips to Thailand where the typical 2-3 weeks once a year, but as the years have passed and the more I fell in love with LOS, the more and longer I came. Nowadays I have at least two trips a year consisting of at least two months, but I also throw in the 5+ months stays at times. I can speak/read/write Thai, but not fluently like the expats that live here, which gets me more laughs than anything from the locals, but my point comes across (Pood Thai Gang). Most of my trips have been to Phuket, but I've been to Koh Samui, and believe it or not, my last trip was the first time I had checked out Banga's and Chiang Mai. I am little different to Stick in that I am still involved with the industry and therefore can give you my experiences as they are still happening to me. Now I enjoy sex, who doesn't, but from time to time I ask myself the question that I'm sure a lot of us have asked, "Would I still come to Thailand if there wasn't any BG's" ? When I first asked myself this I found that I couldn't answer immediately. After deliberating for some time I found myself answering "Yes". At first I thought I was kidding myself, but asking myself the same question over and over I found that while the sex is great, it wasn't what I enjoyed the most about coming to Thailand. All the fun can be had outside your hotel room, the sex is just a bonus.


While I will be mostly concentrating on the nightlife of Phuket, I would like to add in a few extras as they are relevant just as a little more info on good places to go. Through hanging out with the expats I've learnt a lot about the things that only the locals know and I think it is all relevant. After all, once you've hooked up with your little teeruk, you're going to want to know the places to go to stop her from being bored.

Also, I'll try and not repeat things that Stickman has already explained. Things like barfines and what to expect when in a Go-Go compared to a Beer Bar, etc, but I will mention certain things if I find them necessary (i.e. Barfine prices, etc).

Bangla Road

Everything in Patong Beach centres around Bangla Road. Most of the Soi's that are mentioned further down the page run off it. Of course it's nothing like the Sukumvit of Bangkok so don't worry about having to go to Soi 58 and back to find your fun. Bangla is probably only 400m long, which makes it easy to walk around and explore. It's got your typical gold shops, video stalls, restaurants and of course those "award winning" tailor shops we all love so much.

At the Beach Road end of Bangla Road, about 50 metres down, there are a number of Patong's infamous bars. Probably the stand out, and a favourite of the Aussies, is the Kangaroo Bar. No longer under Aussie ownership, and probably never was, it always has customers. It's got a great location, as with the other bars next to it, which makes it a great place to people watch. Unfortunately, the BG's here have never been that great, although of late there has been a couple worth a look. The Kangaroo Bar is one of about 6 bars that sit side by side in this part of Bangla. Other notables are U2 Bar and Ned Kelly's Bar. All of these bars each share the people watching abilities, but some of the bars here never really seem to pack them in, despite their prime location. Of course in high season all bars do well, but in my opinion these bars are much better for afternoon/early night time drinks before heading out somewhere else and not really the best for picking up a looker (not a spelling mistake). Mind you, if you are just looking for somewhere to have fun and get drunk, then these bars are excellent for that. Directly across the road from Kangaroo Bar is Soi Easy, which is talked about below, but the fact that these bars are across from this Soi really makes for good looking around 8-9 PM when all the BG's are turning up for work. Simply hang out in Kangaroo or U2 and once you've seen you new teeruk arrive, simply have another beer and follow her to her bar in Soi Easy before some other "handsome" farang finds her.

Worth mentioning here is Scruffy Murphy's Irish Pub, which for those of you who remember, is built on the old Alice Bar site. This bar isn't a pickup joint as it's a bit too pricey for your average Freelancer to hang out in, although they are certainly welcome, it is a perfectly laid out authentic Irish Pub, quite a rarity in LOS. Always full of farang couples, they have live music every night. Cold imported Guinness can be had by the pint, but be ready to part with the best part of 500 Baht per glass. This is actually the second of two Irish Pubs to be built in Patong, both with the same owner's. The first one, and the better of the two I think, is Molly Malone's, which was located downstairs of KFC on Beach Road, but has now moved to the more visible location of next to McDonalds. Ken is the owner of this one, and if you're nice to him he might even recall his experience on the Qantas 747 flight that ran off the end of Bangkok's runway. Both these bars are excellent and great for music, in particular is Lee Shamrock, who performs many times a week at both venues, and will leave you laughing your guts out by the time closing comes. Good place to take your teeruk as well, although she will hate the music. Just get her drunk and she'll love it. If you do take a BG there, just get her to wear something warm as the aircon inside, while good for the farangs, will turn a Kon Thai into a block of ice.

On either side of the entrance to Soi Eric are two upstairs bars, Aussie Bar and Blue Note. The Blue Note Bar has the same Thai owner as Kangaroo across the street, but it also has John, an Aussie, as co-owner. I must admit that I haven't really drank a lot in this bar, but when I did just recently it had quite a lot of girls and a few were downright cute. John is a good bloke as well and is part of the expat crowd that get out and play golf in Katu, so if you pop in and talk to him I'm sure he will be happy to fill you in on the best way to go about getting a round in. The Aussie Bar is a favourite of mine and also of many Aussies that come over, including the Navy lads. I drink there as I go out tenpin bowling with the owner Steve when all the bars get together for their weekly competition on Sundays. Steve puts on as many of the Aussie football matches as he can and while he's not the only bar to do this, I like the atmosphere that is in the bar. Also, the Aussie Victorian Bitter stubby's here are ice cold. The Aussie Bar is usually full every night and an excellent spot to party.

About two doors down from Aussie Bar are two bars that are either side of Soi Gonzo and they sit directly opposite U2 Bar. All three of these bars are owned together by a couple of Thai guys who I have never seen not come to work. Good blokes and they speak excellent English. If you want to get on their good side, just buy them a shot of their favourite drink, Jaegermeister. Soi Gonzo just underwent a makeover to fix up the problem they get every rain season…..flooding, but I'll talk about this in the Soi Gonzo section below. The two bars on either side of the entrance are Gonzo Bar and U2 No 2. Both of these bars replace bars that existed before. U2 No 2 replaced a crappy looking place that really won't be missed and looks quite nice. One of the first bars to actually go with the enclosed aircon deal, so it should be popular come high season. While I haven't been in it, it has a large screen TV for the sporting fixture viewing (huge Liverpool fans in this bar), with a central bar. Looks like a few of the Gonzo BG's are working in there, which is a good thing, because some of them were very tasty indeed. Gonzo Bar used to be my favourite hangout. Simply a bar where I never barfined any of the girls (very hard to say no), so that I could sit in peace and play pool. Here's a great tip for surviving the bar scene for long periods. Find a bar that you love to hang out in, where the boss is a good bloke and the bar is not boring (i.e. has a pool table, darts, tv whatever you're into) and never barfine anyone from there. This way you'll always have a hangout bar where none of the chicks will bother you and you can sit in peace without having Lek coming up to you every five minutes asking for a drink because you fucked her two nights ago and you haven't spoken to her since. Gonzo has lost a bit of it's charm though as it used to be twice the size of what it is now. Now the pool table is a bit of a squeeze, but it is still a nice bar to go. The girls are fun and they won't hassle you for a drink.

Further down across the street are about three other bars. These bars are good for the viewing of the Soi Eric staff rocking up for work, and after you read my take on this Soi below you'll understand better why this is such a good thing. Situated in this part of Bangla are Shipwreck, Blue Lotus and another Kangaroo Bar. Well, the owner of this Kangaroo was an Aussie, so I guess he could be excused for naming his new bar the same name as the more infamous one up the road, but he could have been a bit more imaginative. Doesn't really matter anymore as when I was leaving in September 2002, it was already closed down and being outfitted again, so it is no more (an all too common occurrence in Patong). The other two bars are very similar and quite comfortable to sit in for a beer. Not many girls here, but a few of differing looks. A while back though Blue Lotus had a pair of stunners that were always at work from 2 PM and always dressed in tight mini's and makeup. They were tempting, but they were short time queens, going with at least 3 guys a day. They were doing a roaring trade, but they were a bit too regularly occupied for my liking.

There is not too much more situated on Bangla Road as most of the action is in the Soi's, but right at the very end on the left corner of Bangla and Rat-u-tit Road is the best Go-Go in town, Rock Hard Ago-go. Now I will straight up admit that I haven't frequented this much over the years, not because I don't like Go-Go's, but simply because the chicks in these places are downright expensive. But without doubt I think the Go-Go's have the best looking of the BG's anywhere and Rock Hard is no exception here. The sign outside says it all, "150 dancing girls inside……………and 2 ugly ones". They also make the best pizzas in Patong as well, but you guys don't want to hear about that though do you. Inside is very comfortable with a few different stages with the girls doing their stuff. I've never seen any states of undress in here as it is right in the view of all the tourists and along with all us like minded fools, Patong has an increasingly larger amount of Family groups coming. I'm not going to discuss the etiquette in here as The Stickman has done a good job of that on his site, but as prices may differ from other parts of the Kingdom I can tell you to expect to pay 500 Bt barfine, expensive drinks and 2000 Bt minimum for long time. Now we all know that this is expensive, but it is a Go-Go bar, so it's too be expected. There is an upstairs part called Smokin Joe's Roadhouse, but I've never been up there. Worth mentioning across the road on the opposite corner is the Margarita Bar, which is not a pickup joint, but it is a great outside bar with great seating. Good for watching your Premiership games and they also have a solo guitarist from the UK who is a great craic.

Soi Easy

Soi Easy is located opposite the Kangaroo Bar as I mentioned above. It's an undercover soi and it appears that they are building up the bar area upstairs as well. A few years ago this used to be a dive, but it has been refurbished and has some nice bars in it now. Looks as though some of the bars that used to be at the back have had a little trouble attracting the customers and have been forced to close, but the bars from the middle to front seem to be doing ok. Whenever I've poked my head in here the girls have been going off, dancing on the bar tops and shaking the butts for whomever wants to look. There is also two bars underneath the Aussie Bar which are always busy, so they are worth checking out sometimes too.

Soi Gonzo

Gonzo used to have trouble in the monsoon season, especially October, with flooding, as it was at the same level as Bangla Road, which also used to flood. In the past year though the government has put in underground drainage and Soi Gonzo has refurbished itself to make it higher now, so there won't be any problems this year.

It's only just reopened again from July 2002, so it's a little on the slow side, but that's as much to do with low season as anything. I've always liked Gonzo, but I don't think it will rival Soi Eric anytime soon. All the bars are new in this soi, so come high season they should be back on track and have more girls and farangs in attendance. I don't think there is much more I can say about it yet. Give it until high season and it should be back to normal.

Soi Crocodile (AKA Soi Katoey)

Ahhh, the famous Soi Katoey. It sounds like a place to tread carefully, doesn't it ?? It's real name is Soi Crocodile as you will see plastered in neon across the entrance, but nobody calls it that. Now you'll all be thinking that this is a place to keep away from, but it's really not too bad, but bring your wits with you. This is a great soi to go to if you are up for a laugh, but I would suggest one to keep away from if you were really going to go on a bender and there might be a chance that you might not have you best judgement with you. This area is what I would call typical of Patong's nightlife areas in the way of bar set-ups. Like Soi Gonzo, the Soi's in Patong aren't really a lane way where you can drive a car down like the small Soi's you see in Bangkok on Sukumvit Road. I liken these to a small tiled mall in a tiny lane way, but instead of having a row of shops lining each side, you have small open air bars stacked next to each other, very similar to the beer bar area across from Clinton Plaza. Now obviously, this soi is full of Katoeys, but they are mostly concentrated at the entrance to it. If you enter in past the first couple of bars lining each side, it starts to get a bit more straight and the bars contain chicks. Why it is a good laugh in here is because the katoeys get up and dance on pillars in the centre of it all, and at various times throughout the night they a dropping their tops to reveal whatever they've got. They ain't real, but they're in good shape. This area is very popular with the tourists, especially couples, but there are a large number of farangs who don't know any better and make off with their new found 6'5" love. Yeeach. I swear, how these dudes don't know is beyond me. Besides all of this circus going along, there is a large population of the pooying suay muk muk in here, so just use your better judgement and you should be right. Just follow Parko's rules and you'll be fine.

  1. Never fuck anyone taller than yourself, and

    • If you're not sure then just say "NO".

Of course I've never seen a Thai chick get angry if you just flat out ask them, and we all know that BG's don't lie, so you'll be fine, hehe. If you're over 6'4" you might have some trouble as well.

Down the back I know they have a cabaret, but I'm afraid I have never partaken. If someone wants to help out here let me know and perhaps you might want to help with my Paradise section as well.

Soi Eric (Simply the best)

The motto of Soi Eric is "simply the best" as is laid out all over the back of the many
T-shirts you can get from each bar here, and few would argue with them. With the upgrade of Soi Gonzo I think a few people thought that they would be the challenger to the title, and although it is still early days, I think Soi Eric will remain number 1. Soi Eric is superbly laid out, with tiled floors throughout and every bar is well maintained and clean. While only small in size, this area is packed with girls, due to the high volume of farangs it attracts and there are many little tasties to be had here. When you walk through the entrance you will truly be overwhelmed with the place, not knowing where to start. Bars line each side and they lay out a row of tables and chairs down the centre of the soi, which give Soi Eric its uniqueness, but here lies the question. Which side do you walk down first. Each side has only about 2 metres of space for you to walk down between the bar and the outside seating, and then it is loaded with girls. Of course you'll want to see it all, so just pick a side, walk down the end and walk back down the other side, but I bet you never make it. The reason is simply that the girls in here are quite good on the eye and will be grabbing you (don't worry about pick pockets, this doesn't happen here) and doing everything else to convince you to sit down and have a drink with them. Nothing to worry about when this happens and the first time you go down here it is quite an unbelievable experience. I always say to myself, "OK this time I'm going to make it to the end and back before I sit down", but it never happens, and what is normal is I never get past the first few bars before I'm in love. What can get annoying sometimes is if you do happen to be in one of the first bars, the toilets are up the back, so going for a piss becomes an adventure every time. Worth mentioning to bring along your 5/10 baht coins that you didn't know what to do with as the toilet costs 5 baht for the priviledge. Of course if you don't have it, just ask your bar and they will happily give it to you. One of the best things about Eric is that they employ a single DJ for the whole Soi, so every bar plays the same music. Certainly makes things a lot more easy on the ear, not having every bar trying to drown out each other, and this makes it a great area if you just want to sit around and chat.

Up the very end of the Soi past the toilets, are a set of stairs that lead up to Flash Ago-go. Only a small place and when I've been the girls have been good and bad, so I think it just depends on when you go. Used to have a lesbian show, but it has been caught out by the boys in brown a few times, so it is on hold at present. I'm sure it won't be long before it is up and running again.

I couldn't really point out any bar from the other in here as they are all good, although worth noting is that Eric's Shooters and the Millennium Bar on the right hand side always seem to have the bell ringing regularly for free drinks. One thing that I do notice in this area is that the bar staff always top up your bill by about 100 Baht if you're too pissed to notice. Now I wouldn't say that this is not the only bar area where this is standard practise, but the bar bills here seem to be a bit on the large size. Of course instead of having all your bills placed in one of those cups to be tallied up at the end of the night you can always pay as you go. Soi Eric has been charging 300 Baht for barfine as well, which seems to be the only soi that does. Not a big deal as it's only 100 Baht extra, but I find it a bit offensive when you've been drinking in their bar all night spending 2000 Baht. Whenever I have barfined someone here, I always ask if they can give me 200 Baht barfine as I think 300 is too much. Usually, if you ask nicely (you know, that good old smile) they normally agree.

Soi Sea Dragon

If you are looking for some Go-Go action, this might be what your looking for. Located just down from Soi Eric and opposite Soi Patong Resort, Soi Sea dragon is a the largest of the areas and a favourite of the Navy when they are in town. Like most of Beer Bars located in Soi's, this area doesn't open until about 6 PM. But when the Navy is in town it's open around midday. As you can imagine, when the Navy is in town, and there can be as many as 5000, all they want to do is drink and playup, so Patong Beach is only too happy to accommodate them in helping them spend their money.

One Go-Go is called Playskool. I don't think I have to explain too much about this place. Obviously all the BG's inside are dressed in school uniforms doing their thing to satisfy your school girl fantasies.

There are lots of great Beer Bars down this area. There is a single line of bars down the centre of the Soi, with bars lining either side. Mickey Mouse, Moulin Rouge and Navy Bars are some of the favourites down the centre and one I particularly like is Coyote Bar, just because I like the look of it. It's owned by a crazy Swede who has done it up like a bamboo hut which gives it a great atmosphere. Some nice looking chicks in here also.

Best thing to do is just walk up and down each side of the street and when some little tasty catches your eye, just sit on down and order a drink for yourself and her. One thing I haven't mentioned is what do you do once you've scored a stunner only to find out she doesn't speak a word of English. This doesn't happen as much as it used to, usually only with the new girls, which is good for you as she won't be jaded by the industry yet. The other problem is that you might run out of conversation as I have yet to find a BG that can discuss the finer points of World Series Cricket (where has she been ?). Fortunately the bars have got this worked out. You can play games. Might sound a little childish, but it can be a good craic, until you've done it a thousand times. Games on hand are usually Connect Four, Dice, Jenga (a stack the blocks game) and I've even seen the Dominos get a run. My advice is keep away from Connect Four, although it can be fun for a couple of games, but generally the BG's are bloody good at it and you will lose, but mostly because do you really want to have to think while you're downing your Black Coke ? Well, I don't that's for sure, I just want to relax. I mean, that's why we came to Thailand in the first place, yeah ?? The dice is fun if you play for some small money, like 20 Baht per game, and if you happen to lose then it will be an extra 100 Baht that your teeruk has for food when your done with her. By the way, just remember that gambling is illegal in Thailand and the boys in brown will arrest you for such a thing, even if it is only for 20 Baht.

Without doubt the best bar in the street and my favourite in Patong is Amigo's Bar which is owned by a couple drunkards named Bez and Terry "Dogjob" (feel free to get the story behind that nickname). It is located down the very end on the left just before the last Go-go in the street. This is a huge bar by Thailand standards with ample room for the pool table. Has a staff of 20+ BG's of varying looks and ages, so there is no shortage of girls here. Plenty of room for many people and there is always a party on in here. Like most bars, gets going around 10 PM onwards. There is a strange thing that goes on with the opening of the bottle of Whiskey that they give the girls to get them in the mood. They all line up and the first splash of whiskey is thrown between their legs. Apparently you are lucky if you get some whiskey on you, but I don't really see how. If you are up to it, just ask to be added to the list of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly if you dare. Next door to Amigo's is another bar that I don't know the name of, but keep an eye out throughout the night as there is a sister act there that love getting sloshed and dancing around the street in varying states of dress. Definitely worth a perve and if you're into a more hardcore type of hooker then have a drink in there.

There is just one other funky bar I would like to mention just at the back of the Soi that not too many people know about. It's called the Reggae Bar, and I'm not sure on the BG situation here, but it is painted in all sorts of fluorescent rainbow colours and those I've talked to have had a great time in here.

Soi Patong Resort

Down in this area it is mostly restaurants. One of the standouts and a favourite with the expats and tourists alike is The Islander. But along with the restaurants there are about 4 or 5 Beer Bars. These bars are never overflowing with BG's, although there certainly are girls around, but what I do like about the bars down here is that it is much quieter than out on Bangla Road and sometimes this is what you are looking for. If you looking for a bar to ease your way into the evening, or simply looking for somewhere to hang out in the afternoon, this is the place to go. Nice to go down here to have your feed and first beer, matched with a nice quiet game of pool. All the bars here have pool tables, one even has a full size snooker table (not so good for a quick game), just beware of those innocent girls you'll be playing against. They will have you racking up the balls again before you know it and wondering how you lost. Remember these girls are here all day everyday and playing pool certainly passes the time. A couple of the bars have some nice lounge like seating at their entrance, which is a comfortable way to sit and read your paper or just watch the world go by.

Soi Thai Boxing

Near the end of Bangla Road on the left hand side is the Thai Boxing. I must admit that for all the years I have been coming and walking past this place, I have never actually sat down and watched it. It does look good, but I guess I've always kept away because it is a bit of a tourist thing to do, and for a man who has yet to venture out to Koh Phi Phi, well it just isn't my thing. From what I can tell though, the boxing is quite good and they even have had the Thai Champions come down at times. They also have a snake show as well.

Just opposite the Thai boxing is a bar area that is undercover, and seems to be always growing in size. There are a lot of bars in here, but there never seems to be that many customers, although I think the more people find out about this area, the more popular it will become. Seems over the last few years a lot of bars have gone under and it looks like only the ones to the entrance are surviving. One in particular has customers as it has the benefit of staying open after 2 PM closing. Shows it's not what you know in this country.

Up stairs there were a lot of Beer Bars, but they seemed to have gone by the wayside, all except Badman Bar, which is located on the front and a good place to sit and people watch. This also a good place to start if you are intending on venturing into the star attraction here, Tiger Disco. In days gone past, and I'm only talking 6 months (which is a lifetime in bar life), I would have said that the Shark disco was the primo disco in Patong, but they have fallen out with the local boys in brown from what I have heard, and have closed. Of course there is the Banana Disco on the Beach, which is not too bad, but doesn't really compare to Tiger. Come about 11 PM and everyone starts rolling into Tiger. Inside this venue is a great club, full of freelancers, katoeys and farangs from all walks of life. I quite like it here, but I am always a bit cautious of picking up in here. Being dark for one it's not the most conducive place to be working out if your new found Pooying Suay Muk Muk, is not in fact a Poochai. The amount of Chinese dudes I have seen come in here and leave with a Katoey is ridiculous. They really are the most naive of all the farangs. I'm always a bit concerned with Freelancers as well. While I never think the HIV and genital disease rates are as high as the reports say, I think in the land of the freelancer there is a higher risk. Of course if you always wear your "hat" then there shouldn't be a problem. All that said though, many of the freelancers are just there because they either have had a problem with bar owners previously or they simply like the freedom of only "working" when they want to. Don't forget that most of the Beer Bar/Go-Go girls have to be at work everyday. Feel free to check this disco out as I think it is a great place to have a change from the usual Beer Bars, and if you are like me, down a few Black Cokes and you and your teeruk will dance the night away.

Soi Sailor

I don't go down this area much (only when I've run out of bars in the other area's), but there are two bars down here of note, The Irish Bar and Sailor Bar. Venturing down into the soi itself you might get lucky and find a looker, but this soi has always been a little too quiet for me. Despite this though, the Irish Bar and Sailor Bar are really good. Both have good bosses and are nice bars to hang out in. The girls here vary, but it's always worth checking out.

Soi Sunset

In the "good old days" (oh how I miss them), before the fun police came into power, you used to prowl around the Beer Bar soi's until they closed a 3 AM. Since most farangs are in Patong on holidays, 3 AM is way too early to be going home, so all headed down to Soi Sunset. The best thing was that if you waited until 3 AM, you could now pick up all the Go-Go/Beer Bar chicks that haven't been barfined as now they have all finished work and become "freelancers". A typical trick was if you liked a Go-Go girl you could tell her to meet you down in Soi Sunset after closing and save yourself the 500 Bt barfine and also only pay 1000 Bt for long time, instead of 2000+Bt.

Man, did this part of town used to be dodgy though. As you can imagine, by this time in the morning everyone has had a gut full of Mekong Sprite Mannow (well I know one farang who always had – me) and while mostly peoples spirits were high, things used to get out of hand at times. I can honestly say though, that most incidents were started by a stupid drunk farang who thought he was invincible, but I can tell you who finished them all, an army of Thais that's for sure. I was even a witness to a big dude who had been glassed, bleeding in the street at 7 AM, while a Thai dude had a pistol at his head. It was only by the intervention of his friend that this particular dude is still alive today. Now that I have scared the absolute crappers out of you all, I can tell you that Soi Sunset is nothing like this now, but I thought it important to tell that story because I have seen too many farangs start fights in Patong, only to end up wishing they hadn't, and trust me, they ALL ended up in tears, so if you are into this type of thing, leave it at home, because if the locals don't do it too you, the boys in brown will when they get you back to the lockup.

Since the 2 AM closing, it has really given a beating to the nightlife in this area, not to mention drinking away the hours until "Sunset". But not all is lost, because out of it a small bar named Taipan bought out a lot of the area and is now a brilliant place to hang out. They have live music every night, but of course you'll have to put up with "Hotel California" and "American Pie" at least once, but at least they make it interesting as there is one crazy farang called Bob (no offence Bob) who runs around with the mike getting the punters to help out. From what I have seen, it looks like a lot of Bars and Go-Go's let some of their BG's leave work around 1 AM, so they can come down here or Tiger to try their hand at 1 hour of freelancing so you can pick up a nice little teeruk for the night from here. A lot of waitresses in here too, so if you try your luck on chatting up one of them I'm sure you could take them as well.

Another place I like down the end of the Soi is Galaxy. For any one up for a bit of Thai disco, this will blow your mind. It's laid out like a disco, but they have a stage area where they have a Thai band (no, this is a good one) along with Thai singers and dancers. These people are the real deal and very entertaining, so if you've picked out your "wife" for the night and are looking for some good fun, take your missus down here and she will love you for it. Most people take a bottle of Whiskey with them and the many waiters/waitresses will happily keep your glasses full all night. You can buy a bottle outside of Galaxy, but if you are looking for a cheaper bottle, simply go into the 7/11 opposite Shark Club and get one there. I generally give a big tip (no more than 100 Bt) on the first round of cokes/soda, just so I get good service, but you should get it anyway. Make sure your little darling has her ID as they are very strict here and if she doesn't she won't be getting in. Don't worry about yourself as they don't check farangs. Now I should give you a warning here, even though I am reluctant to, as I always think it is funny for the first timer who goes here, but the toilets are, well, they are an "interesting" experience. Firstly, let me tell you that this club can be slightly gay. Don't worry, it mostly isn't, but there are certainly a fair amount of gay people there (not that there's anything wrong with it – thank you Seinfeld). You won't have any problems and nothing surprises me in Patong anymore, but if you go to the toilets, before you've even got your best mate in your hand, you have someone massaging your neck. Now, I don't know about you, but the thought of some dude's hands on my neck while I'm trying to drain the lizard just ain't cricket. If you're like me, simply say you don't want it and go about your business. I don't know what else goes on here, and I don't want to, but I'm sure there are many funny things going on in the stalls. Mind you I will say this. If they try and massage you while your are washing your hands (yes washing your hands you dirty bastards), let them go right ahead as it is fantastic. The way they crack your neck you feel like it is going to come off, but after it really relieves the stress totally. There is also a tip expected here, so just pop 10-50 baht in the dish accordingly. Of course if you are going for a piss a lot, I would lean more to the 20 baht a go, maybe giving 40-50 baht for the first time. I suppose a lot of expats would say that is way too much, but for most of us, we are on holiday in expensive Patong Beach, so I don't think it hurts to share the wealth with someone who's job it is to hangout in a toilet all night. Of course if you are like me, you can always venture outside to one of the Beer Bars and pay 5 Baht for a piss.

There is also Extasy Ago-Go across from Galaxy. It's been quite sometime since I've been in there, but it seems popular at times. A bit hard to find for those who don't know about it I suppose, but is a good size, so you have plenty of elbow room. Can't comment on the girls, but from experience you generally get a better looking girl in the Go-go's of Patong.

Soi San Sabai

While Soi San Sabai is not generally thought of as a nightlife area, it is starting to now, and for one reason only. Just recently there are two bars who have a financial agreement with those brown lads and are allowed to stay open after the 2 AM closing. These establishments are pretty well open until 6 AM, so if you haven't had your fill, then just wander down here. Unfortunately, I don't know their names, but they are not too hard to find, just follow the noise. The one thing I didn't appreciate, was the 10 Baht price for the toilet in an establishment I was drinking in. Normally, all toilet activities are free for customers, but not here, and you even have to walk up a shitload of stairs as well. I did manage to slip across the road to the other open bar a get a free piss there, so that might be worth a try.

The other reason for mentioning this Soi, is that after 2 closing, all the BG's from Tiger, Taipan, etc congregate from the entrance to Soi San Sabai to the 7/11. Nice little spot to pick up a freelancer if you've missed the boat for the night, but keep your wits about you as there are more than enough Katoeys as well. Most people come down here to have a feed of noodles, etc after a night on the piss, so it is always teaming with people at 2 AM. Just watch yourself a little too, as there are normally a few jumpy farangs around who are easy to piss off (mostly Italians, sorry, but it's true).


I'm afraid I don't know much about this area located just off Rat-u-tit Road about 300m from Rockhard Ago-go. The reason is that I ain't gay (even though I tell everyone I'm a lesbian), but if that is your thing then this is the part of town to go. From what I hear and see, Patong seems to have quit a gay scene. I'm sure someone else has written about this part of town much better than I ever could.

I hear that there has been a new bar open across from Paradise. A kiwi expat has opened up a place aptly named 2 Black Sheep (I don't need to say any sheep jokes here, do I Stick). A lot of the locals have been telling me what a great feed can be had here, but beware as I hear the owner Bill has a bit of a problem ringing the bell……..he rings it too fucking much was the actual complaint. There is live music every night as well.

Soi Sea Pearl

Before I tell you about Soi Sea Pearl, let me just mention one of the best attractions in Patong. Across the road is a bar called Pickles, which is Aussie and South African owned. Every Friday night starting at 7 PM they put on a buffet, and boy do they lay it on. Everything you can possibly think of is lined up and for 300 Baht it is all you can eat. The best feed in Phuket by far.

Now as far as Soi Sea Pearl goes it is your typical soi, but probably a little bigger than the others. It's relatively new and I was never sure of it's future, but it is coming along nicely now. Hidden away behind a couple of the bars that front the entrance on the left hand side is a popular bar called Heroes. A nice enclosed airconditioned bar, it has good food and an excellent pool table with actual straight pool cues (really). In front of Heroes is another Aussie owned bar which has plenty of seating and women to go along with it.

Inside Soi Sea Pearl there are a lot of bars that sprung up and I haven't really tasted their delights yet, but word on the street is that you can have a very good time down here. Great for an alternative to the Bangla Road thing.

Massage Parlours

I'm not really big on these, but there seem to be two types. Your typical massage parlour like in Bangkok where you can get your soapy suds action and sex, and the more traditional with a "happy ending". The main and biggest massage is without doubt Christen massage. You can go here and get the Thai massage that Stick has described already, so I won't bother describing it again. Then there are the smaller massage places around and there are many. Most of them seem to be "real" tourist traditional Thai massage places, so you won't be getting any happy endings there. Ones that do perform this that I know about are the two Sea Pearl Massage places. One is located up by Soi Sea Pearl, where it meets Beach Road, but I haven't been there. I have been to the other one at the other end of Patong Beach, which is owned by an Aussie called Rob. He has the girls just sitting outside and when you've selected one they take you into a back area that has screened off areas. The girls massage you naked and at the end they will ask you if you want something special. This is part is all negotiable, none of which goes to the house, so it is extra payment to the girl. I've always paid 500 Baht for a happy ending which seems fair.

Final Say

I'll be the first to admit that I have never been to Patpong or Pattaya to comment on their scene, but I am fully satisfied with the bars and girls that Phuket has to offer. There is a growing bar scene down in Kata and Karon beaches, but I have only been riding past during the day, so I don't know anything about this area. I'm betting it's a good place for the expats of Patong to go to get some short time action without their Thai wife finding out (just keep it to yourself).

I find the best thing about Phuket is that you have a bar scene just like everywhere else in LOS, but Phuket really is a paradise, with some of the best beaches you will find anywhere in the world. There are many things to keep you amused during the day, from day trips and golf to scuba diving. You come away from here feeling like you really had a holiday.

Chok Dee Na Krup
Sa Wat Dee

Jing Jo

Stickman says:

Very, very nice report.

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