Girls – Judge By Their Friends

I am writing this piece having read all the previous letters about bargirls.

I first went to Thailand in October 2001. I spent 6 nights in Bangkok and 6 nights in Pattaya. I have to admit to going with hookers on my first 2 nights in Bangkok but on the 3rd night in the Hard Rock Cafe I met a beautiful young girl (about 21) who was a student. I genuinely believe she was. To cut a long story short, I naively fell for this girl, really believing that this was boyfriend / girlfriend stuff and that she was only interested in me and not money. On my last night we were out with her friends. As I was leaving early in the morning I wanted to say goodbye this night. Her friends to put it mildly had scrounged off me all night and saw me as a fool perhaps. When they realised I was leaving they huddled round her and I could not understand what they were saying. Next thing she came after me and shouted, "hey you not give money for me". My heart sank. I had no real desire to see this girl again but it seemed like a fantastic memory to take away of Thailand. I was absolutely disgusted. She wanted 4,000 baht from me because "I lose time for you". I tossed her 1,000 baht and tore up the e-mail address she give me and basically told her she was a little bitch. Having seen Thailand a lot more since then I understand that money is par for the course whether it is a bargirl or an ordinary Thai girl especially in Bangkok. If they have a circle of friends who know too much about "milking" farangs you are in trouble if you want to embark on a relationship with them. She can turn from the nicest most non-expectant person into a poisonous little money grabber as I have seen happen to many farangs.

Anyway after this experience in Bangkok I was a really sickened and in no way looking forward to visiting Pattaya. But how wrong I was. On my first night I went to Soi Diamond. I stayed at the same bar all night and played the games at the bar and drank merrily. Some of the girls tried to crack onto me but I could not take my eyes off one sitting on her own behind the bar. I could see her watching me, maybe trying to suss me out but she had a real cheeky smile and if I looked at her too long she poked her tongue out at me. It came to the end of the night and I must admit I really wanted this girl and I think she was the same but just one of the shy ones. Anyway I paid the bar for her and she came back to the hotel. The chemistry between us was unbelievable and we had the best fun for six days. We exchanged e-mails and kept in touch this way for a while. I returned to see her in January. At this stage I was not yet in love with her and had given her no money and she had kept working the bar. She would tell me about guys she had been with (always older guys and only for long time.) She didn't give me any bullshit about me being the only one and she had waited for me "Long Time". By the way she is from Isaan and her and 2 of her lifetime friends went to Pattaya together. They don't really socialise with the other bargirls which for me is a good thing. Both her friends have farang boyfriends who send them money and intend to marry them and in all the times I have been there I have never seen them go with any other guys. In May I returned for the 3rd time. She had still been working the bar as I was not prepared to give money for her as I had heard too many stories of guys getting taken for a prick. But now my feelings for her were really strong. I know she is essentially a prostitute but I thought to myself "This girl goes with guys because she really needs the money, both for her and family", and I go out every weekend looking for sex for pure sexual gratification. I don't feel an insecure need to have a girlfriend that has been an angel all her life. We now agreed that she would stay on at the bar but only to serve drinks and I would send some money for her every month. I can hear you thinking, what a gullible prick I am but any time I called her apartment after her work time she was always home and she called me regularly. The one thing I love about her is her honesty. I genuinely don't believe she has lied to me. Also she is concerned for me not to lose big money for her. She does not want me to pay a dowry to her parents but would rather I gave some money towards her niece's education. She also wants to have a small ceremony so that all the local freeloaders cannot take advantage. It is also her that has made me aware of some of the scams that I have since read in some of Stick's letters. As I have told you she has a circle of friends who are decent girls and I would suggest have not been fucked about and lied to by farangs. On the other hand there are other girls at that bar who would fleece you and con you beyond your wildest dreams and make you feel good about doing it. Also don't think because you're a good looking bugger that you'll be treated any different by girls like this. I know an English guy who went with one of these girls and still is for about 15 months. He's a real good looking guy. He loves her to bits but I realised on my last trip there in July that she's fucking him about something rotten. He sent over fortunes to her for visa offices and applications etc. She deliberately screwed up her visa chances by including an e-mail that talked about the bar she worked at. This woman has no desire to leave Thailand. She is happy to have men send money to her and at the same time screw anything that moves for yet more money. In fairness to her she did actually use money for the visa. One other girls "boyfriend" sent over about 1200 pounds. She blew the lot on the fattest gold chains and necklaces I've ever seen and then told him her visa was turned down.

I must admit I would never ever become romantically involved with a bargirl again as it really is a lottery to find a good girl with decent long term intentions. By the way I intend to marry my girlfriend this Christmas and bring her to the UK next year.

If you want to involve yourself long term with a bar girl. Think to yourself – Does she want you or your money? If you are serious about them give them a test like I did. In May when I left I told her I wanted to put 500 pounds (30,000 baht) in her bank account for when I came back in July. By the way I gave her 18,000 baht as well to keep her until I came back. My idea was if I came back and she couldn't show me that money I would have finished it there and then. I think some girls would have spent it and gave some crappy story about ill relatives. I know it would have been an expensive lesson but not as much as marrying a schemer and bringing them to live with you.

The bottom line is if you want romance don't seek it at the bars. You will, I think, find short time happiness but long time frustration and suspicion. Some of their habits and character traits they develop while at the bar will never leave and even the decent girls will eventually become corrupted by the more experienced "deceivers". I just hope and pray that I am one of the few that has managed to pluck away someone untainted by this profession. Time will tell.

Anyway good luck to you all on your quest for the right girl. Just watch for all the pitfalls on the way!

Stickman says:

The idea that the bar corrupts these girls is one thing, but you also alluded to another VERY important point, and that is the girl's friends. Any girl who makes a diligent effort to exit the bar will find it far more difficult if she still has friends or family working there. In fact, in these cases, her chances of successfully exiting the bar and living a life away from the bar scene become much, much more difficult.