You Saved My Marriage The email that started it all……
You Saved My Marriage
I feel that I have to write to you and thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into your website, and by reading your true opinions, facts and totally honest statements, you have managed to make my understanding of the bar scene in BKK and other parts of the Thai Kingdom a whole lot clearer, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY SAVING MY MARRIAGE OF 23 years.
The facts :-
Last December 2000 we used Thailand as the starting place of a 3 week holiday through Asia. My wife and I went to BKK 3 days and then on to Phuket 4 days. This is when MY marital problems began. I made the fatal mistake as so many farang's do; I fell for the patter of a bargirl. (and lets make no mistake even my Mrs thought she was drop dead gorgeous). My wife and I spent a lot of time talking and having general fun in a bar in Phuket, on the third day there the Mamasan told us we could bar fine the girl for 400 baht and have fun with 3 in a bed. Well being a full blooded male with a belly and head full of Singha beer I pursued this issue too far with my Mrs and at 4 AM I was forced to return back to our hotel without the lovely Thai named Da.
The following day we had to continue our holiday plans and caught our plane on to KL, the next 2 weeks in Malaysia were fine, but my Mrs who knows me all to well just knew at times my thoughts were else where (mainly thinking of Thailand and my new found friend Da) even though she touched on the subject a couple of times, she never showed any bad vibes towards me like perhaps many wives would have. When our time was up we returned back to Scotland, and to what I thought would be normality in our lives, but my brain and heart were still in that bar in Phuket. I went on thinking about the time we had in Thailand and reminisced over the fun and Da. Over the Christmas I spoke to my Mrs many times about the best time of our holiday was in Thailand. I was trying to lay the thought process in her head that perhaps we should return back to the Land of Smiles. (But make no mistakes my Mrs knew where I wanted to go and who to I see.) Over the next few months I was scheming and trying all angles to get back to Thailand, and then I had my chance, over dinner on evening I asked my Mrs what she would like for her 40th birthday, and she said lets go away on a short city break somewhere i.e. New York or Dubai. (Fuck I thought, and then I spent the next month trying to convince her that Thailand would be nicer,) anyway she relented and in June 2001 we boarded a plane bound for where I left my heart. On the plane is when my wife started to talk about how she thought I was going through a mid-life crisis and that she said I should start to reflect over our married life, two teenage children, business etc, (but of coarse in my head she was the one that had been a strain on me and our marriage) She also stated that she had been on the internet and researched all about Thai bar girls and would convince me of everything you have stated on your site. Well the plane landed in Phuket, and I had to play it extra cool as she had fired more than one shot over my bow during our conversations on the 12 hour journey, but I must state not once did she show or sound agitated in any way, and now its so obvious she was calculating how far she thought I'd gone of the rails.
After a short nap, we grabbed a shower and headed out of the Hotel on Karon Beach, outside I asked her where do want to go?, and to my astonishment, she replied lets go and see Da. Well I thought I had won the jackpot, all my dreams would come true and a wife that approved of what I had been dreaming of for the past few months. How wrong I was, we walked into the bar, and she made straight for the bar owners (one Aussie and one Brit both blokes), she then started general conversation with them about the girls, and she asked all the right questions at the right times about, how much they earn, how many shorts and longs they have in a month, how many people send them money etc etc etc, and they responded with all the facts that you write on your web-site. Well of coarse I heard what they said, but in my head Da was different "I could save her from all the shit in her life and rescue her and make her life more meaningful". Over the week we stayed there my Mrs stayed by my side and every time we where in the bar, we talked to Da and my Mrs reacted to her if they where long lost friends. Again in the Land of Smiles we had a great time, but I felt worse inside now, how could I go back to Scotland and leave this beautiful creature behind, I wanted to be her Knight in Shining Amour and save her from the evils of bar work. Well I am not ashamed to admit it, when we got back to the hotel on our last night I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried my eyes out over my darling little Da. Of course my Mrs knew I was crying like a new born, and of coarse she knew why, but again all she tried her hardest to convince me Da was only a HOOKER and there was a string of blokes giving her one night after night, and yet again during our conversation my Mrs was showing no signs of anger or bad vibes and that she knew it was hard for me to accept, but my head and heart would just not listen.
Within 7 days of us landing back in Scotland, I had it all worked out how I would get back to my little Da on my own without that bloody wife near my side. The master plan: – being in business I thought it a good idea to take some of my better clients on a jolly to you know where, but of coarse I couldn't be seen to make this offer. After a bit of collusion with a client, in the post came an invite for me to join him and some of his work colleges on a Golfing Trip to Thailand. Well you know it, I paid for the whole trip for four persons, and because of how much I wanted to get back to see Da the expense didn't matter, and I tried to convince myself they were good clients and it make our business rapport even stronger. What mental bullshit and the lies I had to tell my wife and kids, anyway June 27th 2001 we took off from London bound for BKK for a 6 day break. You can only begin to imagine the talk on the plane, 4 blokes escaping to Thailand without the wives, what we weren't going to do. Yes we were only going to BKK or so my Mrs thought, but I had already booked connecting flights to HKT without her knowing. Within hours of landing in HKT my darling Da was within my site and somehow I was alone without my Mrs by my side.
All seemed to good to be true but then came the biggest bombshell I had ever felt in my life. I was just sat at the bar with Da by my side just having fun and laughter, when suddenly she said he had to go and talk to someone else. I looked over to see who she was talking to, and to my total horror she was all over a fellow farang. Approaching the Mamasan I asked what was going on and she replied that the farang was with was a regular and looked after Da very often. Well I felt if someone had totally gutted me with a blunt knife and felt totally sick inside, a pain I had never felt before. After a few minutes Da came over to me and said she was sorry she had to go off with other farang or she would have been in trouble with the Mamasan and lose where she worked and her room. She said she hated her job and needed help to get her out of the bar. She portrayed so much sorry in her face it only deepened my thoughts that I must rescue poor little Da from this living hell she was trapped in, but as quick as a flash she was gone.
The following evening I headed for the bar dead on 8 o'clock because I knew this was the time Da started work and the bar would be quite at this time of day. My perfect opportunity to sit with Da, and try to make everything OK in her life. We sat in a cosy corner of the bar and we talked, she again portrayed so much sorry in her for the life and how she was forced to do bar work, she only did so she could look after her Mamma and Pappa and knew no other way to make a living. We sat there for at least 2 hours holding hands across the table, we laughed and we cried together so many times over this period, this again only deepened how I felt for poor little Da (Shit I had it really really bad.) Then I heard one of the other bar girls shout too the Mamasan –Phone –Phone, not taking to much notice I just sat there with Da letting the chit-bin take the strain, then suddenly the Mamasan shouted across the bar Da PHONE. Instantly my thoughts went to that farang she was with last night and he was making arrangements to see her again later, I felt mortally sick inside. I could see beautiful Da on the phone and I just sat there and waited for her to come back to me just in case I had got it oh so wrong about the farang calling her. Then I noticed Da just place the receiver on the bar and walk towards me, she took my hand and said, The phone- The phone for you its your wife. Well I nearly died on the spot, but I somehow I knew it was true. I picked up the phone and sure enough on the other end of the line there she was. Well the conversation started with, how's it going are you having a nice time, and then the normal stuff like, you must think I’m stupid not to realise where you were heading for on that plane. Again she showed no signs of anger or frustration in her voice, it was just like a normal conversation over the phone we would have at work. The only time she made her mark was she insisted that dead on 2 PM the following day I would have to login in an Internet cafe and read and the email she had sent me, to this I agreed but for why I did not know why.
After I put the phone down, I went straight back to Da and the Mamasan and asked what my wife had said to her on the phone, to which they replied in their broken English – your wife very good lady she says its OK for you to be here with me, but I can never off with you, I think your wife very nice and good lady you and your wife good farangs. As the evening grew into the early morning we continued our talk into how I was going to rescue poor little Da from this life of torment. Again we laughed again we had are moments of sorrow, and all I knew was that my feelings for Da were getting stronger by the second. I trusted Da and the Mamasan on what they were saying to each other in Thai, that it was only good and that they generally thought of me as a friend and not the normal farang. Anyway by 4 AM its time for me to go back to the hotel room alone and contemplate the days events. I paid the chit-bin as they insisted on and thought just briefly “Oh shit did I really have that much to drink”?
The next day as requested I went to an internet cafe and logged on about 1.55 PM just to satisfy my curiosity on what the wife had sent me via e-mail, all types of thoughts were going through my head – like You Bastard just wait till you get home, my name is Bobbit from the USA and she will have nothing on me, to – I have filed for divorce – you've made you bed so you can lay in it, but none of this mattered, all I wanted was little Da.
As I logged on to Hotmail, an “instant buddy” message came on the screen — Thanks for logging on, but I need you to one little thing for me, —- then the messages flew back and forth across the internet something like this.
me – Ok what's a matter, what do you want me to do?
wife – Please Please can you go to this website and read all the pages.
me – Ok send me the URL
wife – Before I send it, I want you to promise me one thing you will read it fully, and that you will stay logged on so I can ask you questions so as I really know you are reading it fully.
me – OK.
wife – http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/girls.html
me – site coming up now.
wife – need you to scroll down about 2/3 and tell me what you reading.
me – OK now reading.
wife – Please read it fully and stay on line and remember I have always LOVED YOU and I always WILL.
me – I’m reading it fully, hang on I’ll prove it to you. (then I wrote back some wording to prove I was taking it in )
wife – Do me a favour and ask Da if she would like you to take her out shopping.
me – Why – you just think Da is like all the others on this site, I tell you Da is different.
wife – Just do it for ME, and then hopefully you will realise what is going on over there. (If I've got it wrong I've lost you for ever and I am taking the biggest gamble of my life I LOVE YOU).
me – OK I will go and see Da at 8 PM and ask the question.
wife – Sorry to ruin you holiday, but I need you to come home to me like the person I once knew. Please take onboard what the site says. And call me later.
me – OK I promise.
wife – Have fun, but please try not to be angry with me nor feel bad if I’m right. Spend what you have to, but try to take the view of the website, but most importantly come home to ME. (LOVE YOU) now logging off.
With that statement she was gone, and I just sat there and read you site over and over and over again. As I read the more things sank in, like the massive chit-bin bills the statements made “I need money for Mamma & Pappa” the portrayal of affection the portrayal of un-happiness in Da’s life. When I left the Internet cafe my brain was in total turmoil. What was going on in my life? A wife that tells me to go out with another lady who she knows I am head over hills with, a website that tells me I am being taken for a mug, and back in the good old Scotland a wife that states she loves me but letting me make my own mid up about our future. Yet I was supposed to keep all this from the clients I was with, I thought I was going mad.
I headed back to see may mate Da at 8 PM, I was greeted again with total enthusiasm, but this time I just had that shadow of doubt in my head, that little seed my wife had planted and the statements on you website had somehow started to grow in my head. So I played along with what Da wanted, she wanted to sit and talk- talk about how she could come out of the bar scene if only she could afford to have English lessons, how she could get a proper job which would pay better money so she could look after her Mamma & Pappa. Again she sounded Oh so sincere, but all that I had read earlier in the day came flooding back into my head. Then she mentioned my wife; I suddenly remembered the shopping trip my wife asked me to take her on, I thought this was my ploy to see if I was really being taken for a mug. We spoke about how I would meet her the following day and she would take me to all the good places to by jewellery for my wife and how if I bought Da gold she would love me for ever. Now the seeds of doubt had grown even bigger, so I made the excuse I had to go but will be back tomorrow at the arranged time. My thoughts had now turned to sneaking back later and just watching from a distance on what my true love was up to. Well I can tell you that even before I left the bar she was making a beeline for other farang there. Realising I was being taken for a C*nt with a capital “C” I’d knew now in my heart of hearts Da and the Mamasan where pissing up by back.
The next day instead of meeting Da, I just phoned her to say I was up town with my friends from Scotland and I would see her later in the day. (At this point I had no intention of going shopping with her) All day long I thought of how I had been so gullible and how brave my Mrs was being by helping me and trying to show me I was making a total C*nt of myself. Later that afternoon I phone my Mrs, and confirmed what she had said was coming true, during our general chit-chat she just asked me to get Da’s email address tonight, this being the last evening I would be in Phuket.
I went back to the bar later that day, only to be greeted by the Mamasan saying my wife had phoned before I got there, then the normal banter started in her broken English – your wife very nice lady your wife special because I know your wife, you can not be butterfly with girls she knows. With that, she thrust a girl at me that I had never seen in the bar before telling me that she not know wife, and she got her specially for me from her sister, what wife not see is OK. This somehow seemed to prove to me that somehow in their tiny little Thai Bar minds my Mrs had gained some sort of respect from them, but they were now pissing up both our backs.
During the evening I spoke to Da, and again she was spewing out the stuff mentioned above, and how she wanted me to help her get out of the bar life. But there was one difference this time I heard what she was saying, but I had learnt before it was to late not to be taken in as I was before. After a few beers I left the bar with the email address and the blessing given to me of the Mamasan (not going there, make your own mind up:-)
The next day it was time to pack and head for the airport, on the journey back to Scotland I had plenty of time to reflect over the events of the past few days. My mind was full of my Mrs and how right she was, how trusting she had been and mainly how brave she had been by letting me sort my head out. Strangely I felt the need to be home, at home with a woman who I have been with since the age of 17, a woman that showed affection in different ways to the Thais, but to a woman who I knew who loved me for who I am. On my arrival at home, it was just amazing, like I had been away for years; she was so pleased to see me home, and started crying and hugging me just making sure I was back to my normal self.
Well all I can tell you is, Thailand is like a decease, when it gets you it get you bad it’s like the Devil but also like and Angel and make no mistakes if screws up your senses, it fucks up your brain and it nearly fucked up my marriage. I am going back to Bangkok in October this year on a genuine business jolly, and this time I am returning with the right aspect on life over there, and make no mistakes this time I will enjoy Thailand for what it is, and no Bar Girl will ruin it for me ever again.
Just one thought as I write, I've been sitting here typing for what seems hours, but my thoughts have drifted to my Mrs on many occasions. She is one Crafty Cow, She did gamble everything by making those phone calls and making me read your site while I was away. (IS SHE AS CALCULATING AS THOSE BLOODY THAIS?) I ask myself? – Yes of coarse she is but she did it for all the right reasons, but what does make me wonder is what she said on the phone those nights. That is one thing she has promised never to tell me.
The wife knows I coming back later this year, and this time it’s with her blessing, she knows in her heart of hearts I’m back on track (well nearly – Thailand has got under my skin as well she knows) but what I find more amazing about my Mrs is she wants to go back to Phuket with me later in the year. (Haven't quite worked that one out yet) but I just reckon its to prove to Da and her Mamasan the best lady won !!!
Well Mr Stickman, you may find this hard to believe, but rest assured its true, there is even more details that I could write, but this has nearly turned into an novel. Would love to meet you and buy you a beer, I feel I owe you that at least.
This was the email that prompted me to start the "Readers Submissions" section. This was just so powerful that I had to include it on the site, and so this section of the site was born.