Jumping In A Little Too Deep
In many respects, I imagine that many of us here share some common experiences when it comes to visiting “The Land of Smiles.” For those of us who are on the outside looking in, the stories that are found here or on other venues of the fantastical experiences are seeds that burrow their way into your mind, growing in the background until they finally compel you to do something absolutely uncharacteristic.
That happened to me back in 2019, when I took my first trip to Thailand. A good friend at work had shared a few stories with me from his earlier days as a young Marine, plundering Pattaya on shore leave. I had never had such experiences, and after living a lifetime as the stereotypical dutiful, yet frustrated, husband, I finally took an uncharacteristic turn myself. It was remarkably easy to book a ticket a few month out, and just as easy to develop a cover story about a fictional two-week work trip to a very remote area in Arizona with poor-to-no cell service. When the day came to board that plane, I honestly felt a little numb, and more than a little surprised that I was actually going through with this insane covert solo vacation.
My prep-work was reading as much about the scene as I could, as well as investigating the online community and dating apps. Although I felt prepared, it was still overwhelming. Bangkok is such a city of contrasts, and so different from the midwestern U.S. community where I live, but it ignited a fire within me that had been smoldering for years. After three nights of indulging at Nana Plaza, with days spent exploring the side streets filled with bars and massage parlors, I decided to take the free hotel shuttle to their sister hotel in Pattaya. The rest of my first vacation to Thailand was a whirlwind of bar girls, freelancers, soapy massages, and drinking coconut water on the beach during periods of rest and recovery. I know there’s SO much more that I missed, but I did my best in the limited time I was there, and honestly left feeling that a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The best description of the experience was that somehow, when I stepped out of the Bangkok airport, I had been transformed into a rock star, and that EVERY woman wanted a piece of me. It was a completely foreign experience; one that I’ve never had before in my life. “Adult Disneyland” indeed!
Unfortunately, Covid-19 burst into the world just a few weeks after I had left, and I spent the next few years soaking in fond memories and vague plans for a return trip. It was during this time that I met someone on one of those damn Thai dating apps, and I was extremely intrigued. At 37-years-old, she was quite a bit older than the lovelies that I had indulged during my first trip, but she was unmatched by any of them. And she was still nearly 20 years younger than me. She was a true stunner with a body that put every one of them to shame. Honestly, if I could post a photo or two here, you would be amazed. The only flaw was a large tattoo that covered part of her back and left side, and a boob job that wasn’t quite perfect, but both of those could be easily overlooked. Although I’m pretty sure that at one time she had been a bar girl, for the last few years she had been working as a waitress / cashier in a family restaurant in Buriram, having returned there to raise her son from a failed relationship with a Thai boyfriend. We spent months chatting online through texts and video calls, and the attraction became too great for me to resist. So in 2022, I again flew halfway around the world, but this time it was to meet one woman, not all of them. Our first visit was brief, just 4 days, but absolutely overwhelming. She was playing “long game” with me, and treated me like royalty. I’ve NEVER had a woman be so exciting, so submissive, or so passionate as she was with me. I was staying in one of the nicest little hotels I’ve ever been in (at $30/night), just a few blocks from her house. She loaned me her son’s moped so I could explore the area while she worked during the day. In the evenings, I met her family, visited her house, and spent nights with her in total bliss. To say that the girl knew how to push buttons was an understatement; she was a narcotic and I was that poor chump who just took his first hit off the crack-pipe.
After I returned home to the U.S., we continued to chat online daily. It didn’t take much to convince me to return for another visit, and I went back in the Spring of 2023. This time, she took off a week and we spent it on the beaches of Phuket. You can’t imagine how I felt having her hanging onto me the whole time, whispering those sweet little words when we were out in public, and nibbling on my lips when we had privacy. I think the second dose of her was even more intoxicating than the first! Never in my life had I been with one of those women who men (and some women) stop and stare as she walks past. Now, it wasn’t just me who was the rock star; I was the rock star with the supermodel girlfriend!
The week ended, and even as I packed my bags and left her, I knew that it was simply a fling that couldn’t continue. I had a real life back home, with real responsibilities that won’t disappear. I also knew that she looked at me as a potential life raft; someone who might just save her from being stuck as a waitress in rural Thailand. Deep down inside, I knew that she had a past and was probably as cunning a woman as I’d ever met, but I couldn’t really blame her. This was the lot that life had given her, and she was trying to make the most of it while maintaining a little self-respect. For all outward appearances, she seemed totally in love with me… but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I could easily be substituted for any middle-aged man with a few dollars in his pocket. When I returned home, and after some deep thought, I abandoned the silly fantasies of giving up everything in my life and running off to Thailand to marry her. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, but that’s a bitter pill to swallow when a large part of you actually enjoys the feeling of believing your fantasies. So, I told her that our lives were just too different and too far apart, and that it wasn’t fair to hold her to a relationship where we would only see each other once or twice a year. She understood, and took the news very well. Perhaps too well for my liking. But we left on good terms, and I felt that re-opening that door someday might be possible.
Now, almost a year later, I realize that was more of me fooling myself. Messages went from being rare and brief to being unopened and unanswered. In our last exchange, I told her that there was a possibility that I could return for another visit, but her late reply was that it was not a good time and that she was just too busy trying to get her new business up and running. It’s hard to digest at times, but I’m very sure that she’s moved on to someone else, putting the same energy and devotion into spinning that web that she was with me. It’s a web that I escaped from, but with quite a few strands still attached.
I’m planning another trip back in a month or so, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to feel the same “high” I did with that incredible girlfriend experience that I stumbled into. Will the freelancers or bar girls excite me, or has the bar been raised so high that I won’t really enjoy my time like before. Honestly, I don’t know. To me, there’s definitely an emotional component with REALLY good sex, and I don’t feel that with a short-timer who constantly checks her phone while moaning, “Oh baby, yes.” Regardless, I’m probably destined to wander the sois and Beach Road, trying to recapture a little of that feeling temporarily. What am I looking for now? Well, they say that the best way to get over what you think is “the one” is to put at least ten more good notches in your belt. Maybe I’ll find someone who makes me forget about her and the way she could make me shiver when she whispered “Fuck me, daddy” in my ear.
That’s my Thailand story. In the entirety, it hasn’t been the experience I expected, although it wasn’t at all unwelcomed, and in many ways it’s been much more overwhelming than anticipated. But that’s just me; your own experience has probably been different. I think it’s been a little therapeutic to briefly tell you here.
For God’s sake… someone buy me a beer and tell me their own story of lost Thai love! Lol!
The writer of this article can be contacted at : ghost308GTS@proton.me
