Stickman Readers' Submissions April 24th, 2023

The Gogo Guru, Part 4


Don could be infuriating, but, as I had found from experience, his advice was good. So Midnite it was. Back then, it was a different bar to the glitzy chrome pole palace of today. It was dark (I found out why later) and – I won’t say ‘dirty’, but ‘run down’; the tables were beer stained and the upholstery was worn, but that was more than made up for by – nudity! In 2005, there was very little flesh on show in Soi Cowboy and none at all in Nana Plaza, but here, at least half the girls were dancing buck naked and several were sitting with customers in the same state, letting them feel them up. Just in front of me was a guy fondling the biggest breasted Thai girl I have ever seen and obviously enjoying himself – where else can you get to do that for the price of a lady drink?

It was not long before I saw a girl who caught my fancy. She had a beautiful body with full, shapely breasts (though not over-large and saggy like the other girl’s). It was hard to see her face because the spotlights seem to hit the girls’ legs and bodies, leaving their faces in twilight. I asked a waitress to bring her over, but it wasn’t easy to identify her, because the stage was packed and girls can’t wear numbers when they are naked.

He Clinic Bangkok

Luckily, the waitress got the right girl and she came to sit with me topless (being a bit more demure than some of the other girls in the bar, she put her panties on when she left the stage). I bought her and the waitress lady drinks and started to chat her up. My first impression was how pretty she was. I had seen the big tits, but her face had been in semi-darkness when I chose her. She had a waterfall of fine black hair going down to mid back, large, black, almond eyes, a well-shaped nose and a creamy complexion. Overall, her body was just a tad fuller than your typical Thai girl – very like Muk in that CreampieThais video. She had a small Naga tattoo above her left breast. I don’t like tattoos as a rule, but this one was artistically done and not obtrusive. I found out that her name was Noi and she was from Chiang Mai. She was 23 years old and had been working in Midnite for two weeks.

As I said, she was demure, shy even – but I was shyer, and couldn’t bring myself to feel her up in the way that most of the other guys seemed to be doing with their TG’s. So she took the initiative and put my hands on her breasts. Wonderful! The most titanic tits I had ever handled (and not about to sink!). She cuddled up close and stroked my arms and legs. As for the chemistry that Don kept reminding me about, there was no doubt – the test tube was almost boiling over. So we talked barfine and fee. She asked for 2,500 THB long time, which was OK by me, so I paid the bar and waited for her to get changed.

She looked even better in her clothes than out of them. She wore figure-hugging jeans, and a low-cut, mauve top, showcasing cleavage and midriff. I confess that I am a sucker for cleavage (no pun intended), as it’s essence is “promise”; it is a glimpse of what you might get more of if you are lucky. All too often, the “more of” is disappointing; shapeless or saggy. It’s a bit like waiting to open those presents at Christmas. You look at the box wrapped in colourful paper and fantasise that inside is that thing you always wanted – but when you open it, it’s a pair of socks. Midriff is good in a different way. It’s an advertisement for how slim and trim she is (but don’t tell that to the girls in Blighty who think a crop top is a way to hang out your spare tyre!).

CBD bangkok

Back in the hotel, Noi suddenly turned shy, and wanted the lights out. I obliged, but left the bedside light on so I could look up how to say “goodnight” to her in Thai. When she came out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, she saw my phrasebook and asked me what it was. I showed her, and said I was looking up how to say ‘goodnight’.

“Rah tree sawat,” she said without hesitation, and made me repeat it with the correct tone. Then she taught me how to say “good morning”: “arun sawat”, and again, I repeated it.

Her shyness was forgotten. She put on the lights so she could see the book better, and seemed quite unconscious of the fact that her towel had fallen to the floor. Then she reached across me to pick up the book from the bedside cabinet, her full, perfectly-shaped breasts at full dip, just inches away from my adoring eyes.

The lesson continued for twenty minutes or so, but all I can remember (apart from those two phrases) is a series of images of this shapely young Thai woman in various poses on my bed. It was highly erotic, to say the least, and the chemistry was working overtime.

wonderland clinic

“Let’s get into bed,” I said.

“Prayers first,” she said, and sat in a lotus position, still starkers, at the side of the bed. She urged me to do the same. “Breath deeply,” she said, but if I did, it was in wonder at the sight of those magnificent melons rising and falling in time to her breaths.

She seemed to drift away into some kind of Buddhist never-never land, and I thought I had lost her for the night. Then, suddenly, with a little laugh, she got up and said, “We had to go to the temple to learn to meditate at school, but I couldn’t do it, and kept falling asleep.”

She was Zen about sex too. She took it slowly, slowly, and made me do the same, appreciating every moment, every sensation, every position that she put us in. Then we slept, during which I dreamed about lotuses: lotus bosoms, Noi in the lotus position on the floor, and later, in the lotus position on me, and then I woke up, and it was real. Then I drifted off again to dreams of mermaids wearing Ram Thai crowns, all with big bosoms like Noi’s – and when I opened my eyes in the morning, that was the first thing I saw. I remembered “arun sawat” and she rewarded me with another delightful voyage up the Perfumed River.

It was only after she had gone that I realised I had just experienced a whole night of Mindful sex – what a tale to tell Don! I had arranged to meet her in Midnite at 7, so it would have to wait. But I couldn’t wait. I wanted to tell him all about it (OK, boast about it), because I doubted that even he, the Gogo Guru, had ever experienced such a night!

“Got something to tell you,” I texted. “What about Biergarten at 12?”

He was there before me, and even before my Heineken was half finished, I had poured it all out (my tale, not my beer!), and, much to my satisfaction, saw that flash of metaphorical green in his eyes.

“Looks like I can’t teach you anything about Mindful sex,” he said with a weak laugh and sipped his Heineken thoughtfully. After a while, he said, “Was it really all night?”

I tried to explain how the sex and the dreams seemed like one. He nodded absently and went back to his thoughts. Then he said, “Tell me again what she was like.”

I did my best, making the most of her magnificent mammaries.

He looked impressed, but pretended to be dismissive: “Tits are for kids!”

Is it allowed to disagree with your guru? Probably not, but I had to disagree with him about that. “Who was it that called them ‘the jewel in the female crown’? Can’t remember – but they do it for me. Hers did, anyway. Never seen such a pair – no, not even on Natt Chanapa! – though I didn’t care for the tattoo.”


“A Naga above her left breast.”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as though he was trying to imagine her.

“And you say she wanted to meditate before sex?”

“Yes. She drifted right away. I don’t know where to. Nirvana, I suppose.”

Sunya,” he correct me. “Sunya means ‘nothingness’.”

“Then, suddenly, she was back again and we had… ‘somethingness’, and lots of it!”

He nodded sagely, “Yes, Sunya and Sati – that’s Pali for ‘Mindfulness’ – go together like that. Emptying your mind in meditation prepares you to be intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment – in other words, Mindful.”

Again he was thoughtful. Then, just when I thought he’d forgotten about it, he said, “And what bar did you say she worked in?”


“Are you going to see her again?”

‘You bet I am! I’m up for as much Mindful sex as I can get!”

“Don’t forget the three day rule,” he said in a more forceful tone than usual.

I laughed. “I’ve got something better than a three day rule – a wife and a job that I’ve got to get back to next Monday!”

He lightened up when he heard that. I didn’t think he took such an interest in the well-being of his acolyte. Then he ordered another beer and changed the subject. “That Dollhouse girl, O, sounds like quite a stunner. Wonder why I’ve not noticed her. Maybe she’s new. They come and go all the time, you know. Maybe I’ll give her a try. I like a challenge…” His voice trailed off as he considered the idea, then he said, “On second thoughts, maybe it’s unethical to go with a girl your friend has been with.”

I was bemused, “I didn’t think mongers did ethics. Isn’t the whole scene unethical?”

“That depends what you mean by ‘ethics’,” said Don, making me fear that another sermon was forthcoming. It was, but luckily, it was a short one. “I believe there is such a thing as ethical mongering and it goes like this: treat her well, pay her well – and f**k her as hard as you like. But to get back to the point – you wouldn’t mind me having a go at O, would you?”

I took a deep breath and confessed, “To be honest, I was thinking of having a go at #44 – what was her name?”

“Sau. But she was too much.”

“When you’ve had half a life time of not enough, too much is a good thing.”

But Don wasn’t listening. He was frowning as through wrestling with a dilemma. At last, he said, “Byron, I’ve got be careful. I told you that I’d slipped down from 4 to 1 on the Ladder of Love and I can feel myself slipping off it altogether!”

It was the first time my guru had made such a confession and I wanted to know more, but though I prompted him with the words, “What do you mean?”, he just shook his head, paid his bin and left,

If you are enjoying this series, you might also enjoy some of my books about Thailand and the Philippines. Take a look here or here.


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nana plaza