Bangkok Don Juan, Part 5
This submission concludes my series of diary entries, and the parallel extracts from Book I of my narrative poem, Bangkok Don Juan. If you have enjoyed this series of extracts you might be interested to know that I am making this book available for FREE download from Amazon from 4th to 8th May – but before you go to the trouble of downloading it, be warned – it is written in verse (and pretty doggerely verse at that!). If verse is not your thing, you might prefer to wait for the release of the diaries on which the poem is based, provisionally entitled, Pussy Struck in the Land of Smiles.
This diary entry is from a year later than the previous entries, as it describes an experience so weird I just had to include it in this series.
THE DIARY
23rd May 2006
I arrived at Rawhide at 8:30 and saw a girl dancing on the stage stark naked. I was blown away by her amazing body. It was just about perfect: Thai girl slim, but with full breasts and full hips, and her sensuous dancing made the most of it. Her face was only so-so, but with a body like that, it didn’t matter.
Of course, I had to have her, and signalled her to join me. She was at my side in a moment, still stark naked (I love that bar!) and was all over me. I felt straight away that elusive “chemistry” which means that a girl is “up for it”, and decided to barfine her. Her name was Noi. She was 19 and from Buriram, and she had worked in Rawhide for all of two weeks. Her English was limited, so I tried my Thai, which had come on a bit since my last visit thanks to the Thai course [James Higbie’s Essential Thai].
I decided to take her barhopping in Nana Plaza. As we were walking down the Sukhumvit Road, she said something that sounded like, “You buy boonii for me?”
I wasn’t sure what she meant, and thought perhaps she was referring to some exotic Thai food called “boonii”.
“Boonii? I said, “What’s that?”
“Boonii. Boonii labbit.”
Her pronunciation was even worse than I can suggest in my spelling, but eventually I got it.
“You mean – a rabbit.”
“Yes, labbit.”
I looked hard at her, wondering if she was crazy, and if I should give her a tip and let her go. She saw the look and said, “Men cruel sometimes, so I get bunny to cuddle. Have bunny at home. He called Moman. He boy bunny. Want girl to make boom-boom – like me and you.”
Well, anything to boom-boom that curvaceous body, so I agreed. She led me to the nearest pet shop, and in no time at all, we were on our way again with a rabbit in a small wire cage.
I took Noi and Lek (the bunny) to G-Spot, ordered drinks (though not for the bunny) and sat back to watch the girls, while she made faces at Lek. When the drinks arrived, she took out a packet of cigarettes and lit up – what a turn off! I asked her not to smoke as I wanted to taste her kisses, not Players No. 6. She looked at me in surprise, grumbled a bit, then put the cigs away (NEW RULE – NO SMOKERS!) I think bunny approved of my decision.
Next stop Erotica – this place has an upstairs bar and a small glass ceiling, but it is no Baccara. Indeed, there were no girls up there during our visit. Then we went to Carnival and I was persuaded to try the bronco. Funny bar this. There is a mechanised bucking bronco in the middle of the bar, and customers take it in turns to see if they can ride it. The odd thing is that there is almost more interest in the bronco than the carousel of girls, although, considering their low quality, perhaps it is not so odd. [The bar is called Billboard now, and the carousel is still there]. Had some fun – we danced in the aisles and then on the carousel. Noi was probably the sexiest girl up there. I thought I looked good too, but nobody barfined me [I am ashamed of myself when I look back – but we had both drunk too many Singhas].
It was two o’ clock, and the bars began to close, so I suggested going to a disco. She took me to a place in Soi 11. It was 250 baht entrance fee for me (and for a TG when in the company of a farang! – the doorman didn’t notice Lek, or I would probably have had to pay for her too!) but I was too drunk to care, and wanted to spin the night out a bit longer. Noi loved to dance, though she insisted on keeping Lek with her in case somebody stole her. It’s the first time I have ever danced with a bargirl and a bunny at the same time, but I was too drunk to feel embarrassed about it. After that, I decided it was time to take her back to the hotel.
At last I was going to get my hands on those delicious curves! – but no sooner had we got undressed than she looked at the new bunny thoughtfully and said, “Lek lonely. I go get Moman. They make boom-boom on floor, we make boom-boom in bed.”
Half an hour later, the rabbits were going at it, well, like rabbits, and Noi, who had just emerged from the shower, took her cue from them and announced, “I horny,” and jumped on top of me. She was a one-girl orgy. She stuck her tongue in my mouth, and made wild thrusting movements, rolling around and scratching my back so hard it left marks. She marked me with love bites too. It was sexual heaven! Then, in a moment of panic, I realised I had forgotten something, and pushed her off.
“Condom!” I gasped, fumbling in the bedside cabinet,
“I hate condoms!” she cried.
“I always use a condom,” I said.
Then she started to get frantic.
“You think I dirty girl! I clean! I wash pussy!”
“That’s not enough,” I said, and tried to explain about STD’s.
But it was no use, she was prancing around the room, screaming at the top of her voice: “You think I dirty! You think I sophenee! [1] I hate you!”
Her ponytail swung and her tits wobbled – it was quite sexy, as well as scary. Even the bunnies looked alarmed, and that was what saved the night, and a visit from the security guard.
I said, “You’re scaring the bunnies!”
She looked at them, and seemed conscience-stricken. She picked them up, cuddled them, offered me one to cuddle, then said, “Thank you for Lek. I go now. I no want money,” but I gave her 1,500 baht anyway and she staggered out leaving me to clean up the mess.
* * *
There is a sequel to this story that is not in my diary. On the flight back, I began to worry more and more about the unprotected sex with Noi. When I got home, I looked up HIV on the Internet, and read about the symptoms. One of the things I read was that the first signs of HIV are flu-like symptoms. Imagine my horror, when a few days later I developed a cough and a cold. It was one of the lowest moments in my life. I had HIV! I would get AIDS! I would die a lingering death! In a panic, I contacted my friend Richard, who is a veterinary surgeon. I told him my tale, and he laughed it off. He explained that HIV was a weak virus and that the odds of me catching anything from a girl who had only been in the bar for two weeks were infinitesimal. Then he questioned me about my flight. Yes, come to think of it, there had been somebody sitting near me with a bad cough. “That’s all it is,” he said. “You caught a cold on your flight – but be more careful next time!”
It is a timely reminder of how easily germs are passed around in the recirculated air on a plane – and in a gogo bar for that matter – and makes me wonder if we will be need a higher level of protection in the future. Will we be travelling to the Land of Smiles wearing masks, and entertaining our barfines wearing condoms and hazmat suits?
THE CANTO
Bonking Bunnies
In which two bunny rabbits show Jim the way to go.
A GIRL came up and said, ‘Was that your flend?’
Jim said, ‘No, just a busker wanting money.’
They chatted for a while then, in the end,
Jim asked how much – ‘Two thousand and a bunny.’
‘You mean a rabbit? Is this a new trend?’
‘Yes labbit – and a cage – I’m not being funny,
I want them because men are cruel – therefore,
I need something to cuddle and to care for.’
Jim asked her name, she said, ‘Di chan cheu Noi.’[2]
He said, ‘I hope you’ll cuddle up to me!’
‘I’m sexy girl, I’m not a ladyboy;
Boom-boom like labbit – just you wait and see!’
‘As it’s too early to go to my room,
We’ll go to Gulliver’s – it’s time for tea;
And though I won’t be making it a habit,
On the way back, we’ll buy your bunny rabbit.’
That bunny rabbit had a great night out;
He went to two agogos and a disco,
Saw gogo dancers putting it about,
Went on the dance floor where he did a frisk-o,
But best, the bunny liked, without a doubt
Spying on Noi and our Jim when they kissed. Oh,
That was nothing to what bunny goggled
In the hotel – his bunny eyeballs boggled!
Noi was starkers – Jim had jumped on top;
And bunny squeaked to see what they were doing.
Noi looked at Jim, then bunny, then said, ‘Stop!’
He stopped. Poor Jim – he’d hardly started screwing.
‘What’s wrong?’ he moaned, feeling his manhood flop.
‘Bunny is sad,’ said Noi, ‘watching us wooing;
Buy lady labbit – that’s what we must do,
Bling her to loom – then he can do it too!’
So they got dressed, went out and took a cab (it’s
The quickest way to get to the pet shop).
They chose a bunny girl – clean in her habits;
With soft white fur; to the male bunny, drop
Dead gorgeous! They went at it, well – like rabbits.
Noi was well pleased, undressed and jumped on top
Of Jim, and proved that, when it came to f**king,
Compared to her, rabbits can’t get a look in!
That was a first! Two couples in one bed;
Something that Jim had never thought of doing.
They seemed to race each other – first they led,
And then the bonking bunnies were pursuing.
Unfortunately, over the bedspread,
The bunnies (when they’d bonked enough) were pooing.
The bed was such a mess, Jim was charged ex-
-tra when he checked out – oh, but what great sex!
BANGKOK BYRON
NOTES
1 sophenee: prostitute
2 di chan cheu Noi: my name is Noi
The author of this article can be contacted at : rumblejungle2019@gmail.com
