Readers' Submissions

Sidney’s Free Tutorial on Deportment and Grooming

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 8th, 2016
  • 5 min read



Dollhouse



DISCLAIMER: Do not read if you are easily offended. I have also been accused of being tactless, a bull in a china shop, insensitive…and so on. Probably guilty as charged. But, it’s important to call a spade a spade and to cut to the chase and get the message across accurately without the platitudes and euphemisms that so often mar what the real message is.

I have written this submission, out of the need to perhaps enlighten some individuals as to the possible causes of not being able to land a long-term mate of the opposite gender.

Having worked in a large corporation with many people of various personalities, it never ceased to amaze me on a person’s inability or unwillingness to be introspective. To see themselves from someone else’s perspective. So I would call this not seeing the wood for the trees. Unfortunately, when we have issues we may be the only ones not cognizant of our shortcomings.

What’s needed is a trusted close one to tell us in a spirit of benevolence.

Take for instance Tammy. She was about 30 years old, with ample cleavage, a good personality, quite pretty but complained no fellow was interested in her beyond a simple date. Now Tammy had a real issue that I and everyone in our social circle knew about.

The issue was: Halitosis. Her breath smelt like a fanny that hadn’t been washed in weeks.

She was (behind her back) referred to as “c*nt” breath. Imagine…everyone around her knew of her halitosis, except her. And guess what… no one was brave enough to hurt her feelings by informing her. Regretfully, she is destined to be man less until she has this revelation about her personal hygiene. What a sorry situation.

On many occasions I have heard the lamentations from fellows on the web and Stickman’s site of not being able, for various reasons, to form a long time partnership with the opposite gender.

Some of the reasons elicited are quite plausible… but mostly they are nonsense.

If someone with concerted effort cannot find a long term mate… invariably there is a deficit in that individual. I’ll say it again.”There is something wrong with you”.

Sad as it may be and difficult to admit to oneself … But you are the common denominator in all your failed relationships (or would be relationships). Sorry, but someone has to be truthful and not pussy foot around. Yes, “IT IS YOU”.

Here are some possible reasons under various sections.

Deportment:

Are you a miserable git that outwardly looks like you are carrying the world on your shoulders? If yes, then change, man! Put a bloody spring in your step.

Are you always a cheerful soul, the life of the party, good….as long as it’s not an act!

How do you dress? Like a miserable old man or do you dress flamboyantly like a person younger than your years.

Are your clothes stylish, clean, freshly pressed and what about your shoes? Are they polished and in good repair?

Personality

Do you have a welcoming personality… do people like to be in your company.

Are you generous … especially to the opposite sex … or are you niggardly.

How do you spend your social hours? Do find it fun to go to the local pisser to have a good piss up with your mates. Is that your idea of fun? (To rub shoulders with other piss pots).

Do you seek women outside your social norm? … i.e. out of the pub environment.

Do you think because you are short no-one wants you? … That’s bullshit because half of the world’s population is short and are with the opposite gender.

Do you think that all women want a man with six pack abs? … Bullshit, that would preclude most of the world’s population.

Do you think you need to be rich to be attractive to women? … Bullshit again.

Do you bemoan the fact you have no money to yourself and/or the opposite gender? Well do something to correct this deficit instead of spending all you money at the local pisser.

That is, step outside your comfort zone and try to earn money in new ways. It’s not someone’s duty to enrich you … get off your arse and do something different.

Grooming

Do you carry out ablutions (bathe or shower daily)? If not, you are a dirty old bastard by default. After a couple of days your bum crack will smell to high heaven … others around will notice it. Wash yourself ritually.

Put on underarm deodorant after each bath/shower. Shave regularly and put on cologne. Brush your hair.

Do you brush your teeth twice a day and gargle with mouth wash. I’ll mention the word above again: halitosis. Why would the opposite gender want to kiss a potty mouth? Do you smoke…Yes?? Give it up, you idiot … it costs you heaps, and your mouth and body will smell like an ashtray. And you WILL kill yourself. Not only that, the nicotine will impair you circulation so you can’t walk for long. You are ruining your blood vessels. Even the ones in your dick … leading to a permanent soft cock.

If you smoke your teeth or dentures will be yellow … Why would a woman want to kiss you? … Remedy, give up the ciggies and see a dentist every six months.

Do you groom your pubic hair, what about your nasal hair, what about your ear hair. Can you grow spuds in your ear ‘oles (get some cotton buds and clean them).

General Health

If you are a piss pot (consuming excessive beer) … you are screwing up your male hormones. You wouldn’t even be able to make a “whore moan” with your soft prick.

Measure you waist at naval level… Is it greater than 40 inches? Your waist size is the biggest indicator of low testosterone … (Leading to a soft cock). Slim down to 36” and stop eating like a pig.

Does exercise grip you with intense fear? … ‘nuff said … get moving lazy.

Put simply: If you don’t want to change … It’s your life.

But please don’t moan that you cannot find a woman. Because it’s ok to bullshit to others … but you’re on shaky ground bullshitting to yourself.