Serial Massages in Bali, Indonesia

Part of my holidaying quest is to explore South-East Asia.

As I have come to believe after my trips to China, Thailand and more recently Bali, Indonesia, these locations are very attractive. It is distinctly more affordable than long haul trips to England, greater Europe and the USA and even within Australia. And distinctly safer than the northern hemisphere. <Yeah, no chance of any Aussie coming a cropper in Bali… – Stick>

The attraction of Bali is that from Sydney it is around 5.5 – 6 hours flying time (most of the flight is over the gigantic Australian land mass).

Flights are also quite inexpensive (when selected as internet specials).

Of course, as a tourist to a Muslim country (Bali is mostly Hindu), it is important to be respectful and observant of not being offensive to the locals. Not to mention that using any sort of illicit drugs can land the unfortunate in a lot of hot water… maybe in a rat hole of a prison for life (or worse).

Some of the rabble going to the Kuta region, unfortunately, are a drunken lot of younger tourists (louts) intent of making pests of themselves. Not endearing to the locals, sorry to say.

So not so long ago I set off to Bali to experience the exotic wonders of this delightful place. Only for a 7 day holiday which was pre booked and very inexpensive.

On arrival to Denpasar airport and beyond, I could have been forgiven for thinking that the pilot had made an error and maybe it was Bangkok.

The traffic was reminiscent of Bangkok; with motorbikes everywhere and the same for taxis. It was frenetic but could be considered organized chaos.

My hotel was situated in the Seminyak region is renowned for the boutique shops.

After checking in (and was made to feel like royalty) by these gentle Balinese people, I made a reconnaissance of the immediate area in search of massage establishments.

I did some research and discovered that 1 hour oil massages can be purchased for anywhere from 50,000 Rupiah ($5 AUD) to 350,000 Rupiah (for the full spa treatment).

The average price for an oil massage is 100,000 Rupiah ($10 AUD) – wow, even cheaper that Thailand!

Of course, my quest was to sometimes to be treated by a cute Balinese girl to a “special massage”.

Well, I was soon to discover that it would be more likely a dream than a reality as it didn’t happen…..anywhere!

Poor trouser snake remained in a deep comatose state the entire holiday.

This highlights that one must thoroughly research before setting off to distant locations in search of “special massages”.

Lesson learnt… Bali is most definitely not Thailand (where you can get anything you want at just about any massage shop).

Part of the accommodation deal at my hotel was a free massage at their spa.

Day 2:

I availed myself of a free massage at the hotel spa in the morning after breakfast. Was greeted (unfortunately) by a young, rather effeminate fellow and escorted to the massage room. He instructs me to take all my clothes off and lay face down. Well, not this black duck. I left my undies on. So he begins to massage me, but first slips my undies right down and the towel is way down as well. Hummmm … well he did an excellent, very relaxing massage. But I found it most disconcerting when a young fellow cups his hands on my bare bum cheeks in a rather sensual way. Thankfully nothing happened and in appreciation I gave him a little tip; as I exited the massage room.

Day 3:

A couple of hundred metres from the hotel was a massage shop. This time I asked for a girl to massage me. She was about 20 years old. I was escorted to a massage table (there were many alongside each other); separated by curtains. OK she said in a very friendly tone “take off all your clothes”… a little excitement set in… until she said, “But leave your underpants on”. Booooing… the excitement evaporated immediately. There will be no action upon hearing this qualifier. Poor old kransky is dead to the world. She did an excellent massage… asked those familiar questions… How long you stay? You come with wife, girlfriend? etc… boring!

I have also concluded that these dark-skinned girls, as in Thailand, have an inferiority complex as to the colour of their skin. Total cost 75,000 Rupiah ($7.50 AUD)

Day 4:

I went to an upmarket spa exactly opposite to the shop from yesterday. Upon entering the office, young men were dressed in white matching top and pants. It struck me that this may be a gay massage establishment… especially when a young fellow took my particulars with an archetypical gay lisp. Again I asked to be massage by a girl (they looked at each other like I had just arrived to planet earth for deep space). OK, sir “No problem”.

So, one of the fellows escorted me into the massage cubical. I reminded him that I wanted a girl. He said yes sir. Now a nice young girl came in and said to take off all my clothes (her we go again… excitement)… but put on these paper underpants. I guess to not soil the real underpants with massage oil. Before she started, she slipped the disposable undies to reveal 3/4 of my bum cheeks. I suggested that it would be ok if she was to take my undies off. In a firm tone she said NO… kransky still comatose… what is one to do? She did a fabulous massage. Total cost 175,000 Rupiah ($17.50aud)

Day 5:

In the morning I ventured about 1 km on foot. I had seen this massage shop when the airport shuttle dropped me at the hotel a couple of days ago. As I started to walk past there, very young, beautiful girls yelled and said “hey, papa, you want massage)…papa…papa…PAPA ? Well, I was old enough to be so… but that comment put a slight damper on me. I was later to learn that it was a term of endearment (such as sir). I hope. Anyhow, these lovelies started to jump around like happy puppies just about to get a treat by their master. As they escorted me into the shop I asked them if they do massage… “Yes!” So, I was asked to undress (which I did)… I was butt naked when a young fellow draped my naked body with a towel and commenced the massage …Huh! Where did the lovelies go? Humm me thinks I was scammed by those little touts outside. I was a little annoyed so I asked for a girl. A nice lady came and massaged me, did an OK job but I was a little pissed off. Total Cost: 100,000 Rupiah. $10 AUD)

Day 6:

I caught the hotel shuttle to Seminyak Square, a modern shopping mall. I was sure I would be able to awaken the trouser snake here. After all it was a hive of activity there. Now, walking along the narrow streets, as in Thailand, a fellow on a motorbike asked if I would like to buy Viagra or Cialis. I thanked him but declined as I don’t use them. But I did ask if there were any girls nearby that did “special massage”. He said he could take me somewhere (on his motorbike) where there are many. As I have an aversion to broken limbs and unknown destinations with a total stranger I politely declined.

As I walked a little there was a shop with 5 girls at the entrance. Bingo I thought. I get escorted to the massage room by one.

So butt naked on the table under a towel. Another one asked if I wanted two girls… well that seemed nice. Then another came in “how about 3 girls”… yikes ok. Then another came in “do you want 4 girls”… yes ok

Can you see it now, me butt naked with 4 girls massaging me all over.

It was delightful. I had never experienced this much attention before. I swear this is the absolute truth. Here they are rubbing my bum cheeks, upper thighs just about everywhere. They were having fun … and so was I. But when asked to turn over they draped me modestly. When I made an indecent suggestion, in order to make krasky very angry, they all declined as it was against their Hindu faith… shit… what about my comatose 3rd leg… It’s not against my religion for my friend to be awoken from a deep sleep. Total cost: 400,000 Rupiah ($40aud)… still good value considering all the fun and laughter. I’m sure they loved my white skin and body.

So there you have it. The Balinese girls are very sweet, pretty but as most are Hindu it was not possible to get any special massages.

There are nightclubs, and massage places that (for a price) you can have happy endings, full service with one or several girls; but it will cost you upwards of about $100 AUD for full sex. Apparently, it’s likely all taxi drivers can take you to these places… Perhaps a commission to the taxi driver is paid by the shop.

So folks, don’t make my mistake (unless you want legit massages). Do your research. You most definitely will find what you want. Bali is beautiful, a popular tourist destination, cheap and the Balinese are lovely gentle people. Their average daily wage is $5 USD.

P.S… Total cost of all massage was 750,000 Rupiah = $75 aud… Bargain !!