My 12-Day Excursion to Thailand

After reading so many submissions, it was time to go and see Bangkok and some of Thailand. This occurred in March 2016.

I had booked accommodation at the Dream Hotel on soi 15, Sukhumvit. “pet (guest) friendly”! (Judging by the number of fellows walking hand in hand with their lovelies).

I had planned to stay there for three nights, to explore some of the surrounds of Bangkok and then transfer to the Aetas Hotel opposite Lumpini Park. This was the staging point of the escorted tour; taking in the tourist sites of Bangkok then off to Kanchanaburi and then to Ayutthaya; ending again at Bangkok.

Not a very long trip, but 12 days was sufficient to take in some of the exotic wonders of the Land of Smiles.

Leaving Sydney on Qantas Airways in the morning; arriving Bangkok mid afternoon on the same day (10 hours flying time).

The flight was uneventful, with a mixed assortment of people of all ages. Near me was a rowdy, but well behaved bunch of Middle Eastern looking fellows (about six of them aged about 25 – 35). The leader was a muscle-bound fellow sporting a tiny pony tail, with the appearance of a “Stone Aged Cave Man” or the “Incredible Hulk”. I swear I heard his knuckles drag on the ground as he walked about. He looked very intimidating to me. I suspect a tiny bargirl would melt with fear. He was so large that if I encountered him in a dark soi, people would hear my knees knocking some a distance away. These fellows seemed to have ants in their pants; as they couldn’t keep seated for long.

I guess it was the excitement at the prospect of visiting all the Buddhist temples; on arrival in Thailand (not) hehe.

So arrival in Bangkok went smoothly, went downstairs after Customs, and fetched a ticket from a nice girl; to get the taxi to Sukhumvit.

Traffic was heavy being a Friday, which was ok with me as I don’t like speeding taxi drivers. Half an hour later arrival at the Dream Hotel, which was a very nice modern hotel and conveniently located near Asoke and Nana. Management was very nice.

Upon entering the elevator was a rather rotund older 60+ American gent facing the door with a petite dark skinned Thai girl standing behind him – fiddling with her smart phone. The gent got amorous? at this stage and turned around to her and said ”Honey we have to do laundry soon”.

As soon as he looked away her expression said it all, “WTF are you talking about, as soon as you pay me I’m off”.

I must say she had a very nice petite figure, but alas a head on her like a robber’s dog. Never mind, more than ok with the lights off no doubt.

I often wonder why fellows like him come to Thailand looking rather porcine in appearance.

And there were plenty around – both young and older.

Why do these large fellows smell like Italian pecorino cheese? Have they not heard of personal hygiene?

Maybe an essential kit would comprise of – tooth brush, tooth paste, underarm deodorant (several times a day), showering regularly, a comb, after shave lotion and a more suave appearance.

Where the Thais dress with a fashion sense, why do visitors feel compelled to dress and look like slobs? It’s just not endearing to the Thais to see Anglos dress with baggy, ill-fitting shorts – often hitched up so high as to strangulate the testicles and raise the fellows voice an octave higher.

And what about those ridiculous flip flops (thongs in Aussie), and cheap t-shirts. If people are going to spend thousands why skimp on dress sense.

Which brings me to the porcine appearance of many of the gentleman I witnessed.

Yes, there are many excuses such as “I have large bones” or “It’s to do with my glands”. Well don’t know about the large bones, but it’s certainly gland problems that have led to your appearance.

Your salivary glands… those under your jaw. It’s a case of too much mastication (no read it again) m a s t i c a t i o n, and probably “Swilling too much beer”.

But I have a solution to your problems. It involves the use of a dirty four-letter word; that strikes fear into the heart and minds of those afflicted with porcine qualities. The rude four letter word is “TEID”…now read it backwards. Another word that’s equally intimidating is “ESICREXE”…. Now read it backwards.

Excessive consumption of beer is also a BIG problem for men. Maybe not young 20 year old chaps. They have raging male hormones, so they are able to put away a couple of slabs of beer with their mates on a weekend; whilst watching their favorite footy game.

Not the case with older gents with already dwindling testosterone levels.

If such gents take a liking to “Swilling the beer” they will find that they are slowly becoming female in appearance…. Big gut, a barge arse, a dashing set of man boobs that will make them the envy of any bar girl and a kransky that has shriveled to the size of a cocktail Frankfurt. Not really much of a turn on for any female.

You see, beer is particularly noxious as it contains hops; which is highly estrogenic. It is making you into a female. When consumed to excess not only will your libido be shot; but you will suffer from the dead dick syndrome. Your squirter will not work properly.

But wait…. what’s that moaning I hear in the background? “But I like to have a beer”… well no one is begrudging you “A” beer. It’s when you “Swill” that the problems arise.

After reconnoitering the immediate area of my hotel, I’ve discovered a great deal of available options and have come to the following conclusion.

That there are two types of mongers in Thailand and on Stickman’s website. The whore monger and the scare monger. The latter is the most dangerous creature as he enjoys prognosticating about the imminent collapse of the bar P4P industry.

But in reality, he is taking on the persona of a repentant sinner whose mission now is to absolve themselves of their own guilt; by setting about to perpetuate myths…. maybe with the aim of being deliberately ruinous to the bar industry (which no doubt serves all parties with due reward for services rendered).

Perhaps in the guise of being the savior of the poor damaged bar girls (in Thailand)… who for so many years, have been happily hanging a sign around their necks stating “I’m yours honey .. 2000B for 1 hour”.

But why do they target only the.. tsk tsk ..poor bar girls of Thailand being damaged by trading sex for money. Why don’t these do gooders try to save ALL prostitutes from themselves?. Oh sorry I forgot, this is a Thai centric site isn’t it.

Fact is: As many have said “You can’t save them from themselves”. They’ve gotta do what they’ve gotta do.

Also, all the crystal ball gazing is best left to “Madam Rue… you know that gypsy with the gold capped tooth” … (Searchers UK 1960’s)….. Because probably all the prognostications are utter bullshit.

Yes, the complexion of the bar industry may change and Thailand MAY change, but when the smell of money exists for exchange of sexual services; there will always be a purveyor willing to trade.

Although I did notice a great deal of modernization going on in Bangkok, I just wonder to whose benefit this is.

Maybe a lot of combos are being built for the benefit of a great number of tourists, particularly Chinese tourists; taking in the sights and no doubt pressing their noses on the window of the real estate offices.

My Thai tour director stated that although there is modernization going on in Thailand; it’s future may be as bleak as many Western countries.

With a 1% birth rate and many Thai couples struggling to make a living and desirous of all things that glitter (hedonism), there is some doubt as to how prosperous the average Thai will be in the future.

No, as Pattaya Gary, Soi Noo, Samui Lou and many others have stated – it will be business as usual in Thailand.

To be continued…