Stickman Readers' Submissions April 23rd, 2016

New Year in Pattaya (1)

I New Year in Pattaya (2) by Ger

Now I have been back from Pattaya a week and I will tell my story of what it was like. I thought it went well and now I have a girl freind and brocken jaw but un fortunetly lost freinds with Colin.

When I see Colin in the 3 tunns he just ignores me and plays pool with his freinds, its ok because I can talk to Bob at the bar when he is not buzzy. Any way I dont have much money to drink now because I send money at Westin union to my girl freind so just buy me usual halve shandy then go back to me nan. Colin hasn’t said about the money to pay for the plain and Pattaya and that like. I think he is waiting for the man who owes it him then he will give it to me.

Better start my story now because i promised to mister stink man I would write it. Not being funny like but Pattaya is not much like scot land if you can imagine Blak pool ‘BUT’ hotter and more people in funny shorts and that it is a bit like that.

We got on the airport and Colin said dont joke on with the security like and if you do they have no sense of humor about having bombs and that in your lugagage. not being funny like but its the first time I saw Colin not jokin on because hes never serius and said he doesnt do it now because he he was arredstod last time and not allowed to go on the plain.

The plain was a canny long jurney and that like. I didn’t go a sleep but dosed off a bit. It would have been OK if I could lie down becaust the middle seat between me and Colin was empty but Colin lay across 2 seats and put his feet on me. not being funy like but they were canny smelly.

Another thing about the plain is that I didnt get a drink but Colin got beer or wine every time I fell asleep. I said will you give me a nuge when they come so I can get one. So when they next come up the isle he stamped on me and I said to the air hottest can I have some tap water the hottest just stared at me and didnt bring it. Colin said you cant get tap water on a plain you daft c**** (mister stink man told me too make stars were their are rude words in your story and I no your writing your best ‘BUT’ tidy up you’re spelling and you’re grammer.)

When we got off the plain it was hot and I still had my jumper on so was sweeting when I went to the pass port man. Colin saw me real name on me pass port and said a loud – YOU ARE CALLED F********* GERMANIUM? He said he thought it was Jerry or Gerald and it would be even better to be called Geraldine. He said that is what he will call me now to save me embarssment – Geralidine – not been funny like ‘BUT’ I dont like that name ‘BUT’ didnt say any thing because Colin was angry with me being called after me mams favurite flower. But she dyed when I was 10 and I live with me nan.

We flied into a town called B*******. Im not sure if its a rude name or Colin was just kiddin with me when I here him say it. he said he has a girlfreind hear and we would be having 2 days hear before Pattaya. To start with I didn’t no he had a girlfreind I thought he had know freinds hear because he was only in the 3 tonns with his mates and he never told me or it could be he did and I didnt here him say.

We went by to a bed and brekfast in a small street called soy-7-one near to soy-7-eleven where there is a lot of ladys askin Colin and me if we wanted a message Colin just ignord them and so I did as well. Colin had a big room with a big bed down the passige from me but I had only a littel one. its ok because I am used to a small one in me nans.

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Colin said lets have a beer meat me next door where me Mate Mickey is the bar man il’l be a minute wile I phone me girlfreind and tell her Im here. I goes to it and its dark like. I said to the man are you mickey he said yes I think he was forine and gave me a coco colare and I said colin will be hear in a minute he didn here me or didn no Colin had been hear before.

Mickey said hurry up and drink and pick a girl. Not being funny like but he is not like the bar man Bob in the 3 tuns. I was a bit shy and the ladys were all standing behind me looking at me and i asked Mickey if one will give me a message because I didn sleep on the plain. He said they do what you like. So I picked a one and Mickey said you no have to have 2 but I said know one is enough but you no what? he made me have 2. We went upstairs to the message table but it had know table only a big bed they said have a shower and you no what? they were rude trying to get in when I was getting washed so I held the door shut.

I kept me towel on when I came out and they were rude again trying to pull it off me. I laid down for me message with my towel tight around me but must have fell asleep because when I woke up they said it was finished and I don’t no if I had know message or not.

Mickey asked me if was it satisfiying I said yes because I had a good sleep and paid 6 thousand barts I thought it was a lot ‘BUT’ Colin said every thousand barts is only 20 pounds so that is a funny way to have your’re money. Barts are a bit like monopoly money – all different colors – and not real. To remember the name of there money think of Bart Simpson – thats what I do.

When I got back Colin came out of his room with his girlfreind called Benjaporn. She was nice and told me to juss call me Benja. She has blonde hair ‘BUT’ looked slanty eyed as well so im not sure if she is from Tie Land or not. Colin asked me if I got laid. I said yes I falled a sleep and laid for 2 hours. He said you daft c**** did you get a f***** or not? I said know I dont no because I was a sleep. Not being funny like he said it in front of Benja which was abit embarrisng and said a loud – ARE YOU A F***** VIRGIN GERALDINE OR NOT? I said know not yet because you no me nan told me to wait till im abit older. He said a loud – YOUR NOT A VIRGIN YET? BUT YOUR F****** 38 – HOW OLD YOU’RE GOING TO F***** WAIT?

I went red and starting to get me flashpacks you no from when I was abused by a sex ring of preists and was going to have one of me panikattacks ‘BUT’ know I didnt because I saw Benja wasnt laughin tomake me feel not shy and was canny and sim pathetic I felt relaxt. Colin pushed Benja in the room. I dont no why Colin was not nice. Me nan has a saying that sums it all up: ‘If you cant say something nice dont say anythink.’ Thats what I do on twitter #ripCecil after the lion that got shot with a cross bar at the dentist.

Colin knocked on me door lateron he didnt say sorry and said we are going to the nana to night and if I don’t get laid their their must be something wrong with me. When he said the nana I thought of me nan and started to get a bit homesic.

I cant be contacted because their are nigeriens asking me to look after there gold if I give them me pin number. I wont do it again. im not daft.


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